What would you do?

I'm sorry, but I don't remember what your daughter's diagnoses are, but I wanted to tell you my thoughts in general.

My daughter will turn three at the end of May and we have decided not to transition her into the preschool program. We have planned to homeschool her (and any future children) and decided to keep that plan in place. She only gets OT once a month through birth to 3 right now anyway. Her speech is through a private therapist. The only thing we can get through the preschool program if we homeschool is speech therapy so we just aren't going into the program at all.

It's great that they are opening a place closer to home. I don't think there is any way I would ever put my SN child on a bus for that long. I would definitely suggest going to visit many times when it first opens to get a feel for the teachers. If they have any problem with you doing that then that would be a definite sign of a problem to me. Also try to set up a meeting with the director of the school and the potential teacher. Your EI coordinator should do that for you as part of the transition process. Ask them a million and one questions to see if that can help ease your mind.

My sister had both her boys go to a an inclusive preschool, not because they had any special needs, but because she wanted them to see kids who had differences and she felt there was a better ratio of teacher to student because there were so many aides in the class. I will say though that her older son is extremely shy (personally I think he has Asperger's) and he really liked the preschool he went to. The teachers have extra training in how to work with kids with special needs. My sister moved while her kids were young and her boys went to different preschools and she had the same positive experience with both schools.

My daughter is also 99% non-verbal and I had a homeschooling mom tell me about a co-op we can participate in this fall, but I am very hesitant because C has a very difficult time interacting with other kids. She so desperately wants to, but she just can't. I definitely know where you are coming from with that worry.

In the same boat here. Ds ages out of EI in January. That may seem a long way off, but they're already talking discharge planning and transitioning to the ps system. If he didn't have a lot of needs, I probably wouldn't do it. But in all honesty he does have a lot of needs, and we need to continue the therapy he's already getting and ramp it up a notch or two. He needs lots of therapy still, and it's darned expensive to pay for privately, so we really *need* to work with the school system.

I totally understand your fears, the thought of sending my ds gives me near panic attacks. However I feel with my ds's needs that getting him into preschool will actually help. Our big question is integrated or autism-only ps.

Anyway, I say follow your heart and your instincts. You know what your child needs and what she doesn't (she's too cute, btw... ). If you feel being in ps will truly benefit her, then make the jump. If you think it's just something that will be "nice," but not majorly beneficial, well then, think it over a little more. It's really an is this a need versus a want situation, kwim?

If you do decide to send her, you know you can ask if you can be there to observe her class for a couple of days. No harm in that, and I'm sure you're not the first mother to want to press her face to the window for 12 hours to keep an eye on her baby.

Mama. I'm going through this same thing right now, though I think I have a bit more time than you. I too have no idea what I'm going to do. DS turns 3 in October and at his meeting on April 11th we're going to discuss the transition process. I'm supposed to have made up my mind about what/where we're transitioning him to, but I just don't know. I have major fears about sending him right now, because he is more or less non-verbal (he knows a few words, but doesn't use them often and he knows signs, but doesn't use them with other people-only me). He's also in a clingy phase (who knows what he'll be like in October) and is almost never away from me. He does not really play or interact with other kids or adults much either. There is one school that's for 3-4 year olds with special needs (almost all kids who age out of the EI program go there), it's 3 hours a day and I get to choose how many days he goes. One really good thing about them is that they do know, and encourage, sign language. Big plus for me. I think his ST is going to set up a time where DS and I can go tour it and get a feel for the teachers (and I can see DS's reaction to it). That might help. On the down side is that his ST has said that there is more structure there than I would have liked. They basically have the kids pick one of two activities and if they want to do something else then they're out of luck I guess it's a taste of the real world, but I know DS will have trouble with that one- he does NOT like doing what others tell him to. He wants to do things his way, when he decides to do them.

Anyway, no real advice, just commisserating (sp?) with you.

My son went through this a few years back. I'd hope by the time he entered kindergarten this fall he'd be able to mainstream but that does not appear to be happening Anyways...

I did NOT put him on a bus till the last half of the year and it was only the bus going TO school. He took half days, afternoons, so the bus TO school only had his other classmates on it. This year, again, I waited until about the middle of the year and then had him take the bus both ways.

The driver and his aide are wonderful with my son and I've been very happy with that. As far as school, it was tough for him at first and still is sometimes. I'd recommend talking to the person who will be his teacher directly, asking them whatever questions you might have and then continuing that relationship throughout the year.

I pulled my son out of an Easter Seals program at the beginning of this year and put him back into the school he'd attended last year because, for one, I felt like I was getting NO communication from his teachers. His current teachers sends me notes home every day letting me know how he did and I can call anytime and I also send in my own notes.

And remember, the choice is always yours to stay or go, change something, whatever. The schools were very accomodating when I decided to move him this year.

I've just had DD transition into the public preschool from EI. I had a lot of reservations about it because I'm not fond of public schools to begin with and don't like all the focus they have here on "school readiness" when she is only 3. I ended up deciding to do it because she still needs all the therapy and she's just reached the point of finding other kids interesting. I think learning to follow a routine and focus on a specific activity for longer than 30 seconds is good for her too. I hope she'll get to a point that we can do Montessori or homeschool by the time she's 5 or 6 and it looks like we're on the track to get there.

I was worried she'd have trouble separating from me, so I decided pretty firmly that I wasn't going to push it too fast. I hung around in the classroom for a couple of weeks and then started unceremoniously leaving (just a quick "I'm going. See you later") while she was having fun and being engaged by one of the staff. It's gone fine and she now enjoys going to class and has no problem with dropoffs. I still don't put her on the bus and don't see that happening anytime soon. Anyway, that's just been our experience. I was totally a mess about this for 2 months before her birthday just because I didn't want her in preschool yet, but it has turned out pretty good.

I was where you are about a year ago. I had a fairly nonverbal (she had 40-50 words), little receptive understanding, antisocial, clingy nearly 3 year old. I couldn't even leave the room to go to the bathroom when she was in her EI playgroup without a huge tantrum. She'd been in that playgoup for 18 mos, too.

I was panicked! But, everything has been wonderful since she started at public school in Sept. School was the best way to encourage the skills she needed most. She's made amazing progress, and most importantly, she loves it! The only drawbacks I've found are that she sometimes learns things I didn't really need her to learn now (she knows who Spongebob is, for example), and that I'm not entirely keen on the discipline system, but it's not terrible.

We live in a city with an awful school system, so I always planned on homeschooling if we hadn't moved by the time she was schoolage, but the dd I got made things different.

Here are some things you can do to make yourself more confident in your decision to send her or not:

Meet the teacher. Most special ed teachers and public preschool teachers are wonderful, dedicated people. But some "get" your child better than others, some have more creative communication skills or experience with signs, PECS, whathaveyou. We had a choice of schools, so I chose based on parent recommendations and some hints the special ed office gave me.

Get to know special ed people in your district. Go to parent group meetings. Become known to the office. Seeing other parents and getting tips from them will help you be more confident about your decision.

Use your EI dept for information, if they provide that service. Ours gave seminars for helping your child transition and offered advice and advocacy for your child. Those services were extremely underused from what I could tell.

Plan to include in your IEP any concerns you have that might need to be addressed. For example, if you're worried about transitioning away from you, you might be able to include something about how days might start out shorter or you be allowed to be with her for a few days. But, if you do go the public school route, set your expectations high. They tend to rise to the high expectations and pleasantly surprise you.

Watch your child. Get to know what she needs and try to think about what would best address those needs. As best you can remove your fears and your needs from the equation. I certainly didn't want to send my dd off to preschool at 3! But, in hindsight, it has been a great decision and the best thing for her. Maybe even better than a private education would be if we could afford such a thing.

Keep in mind through all of this that no decision you make is permanent. You can take her out of school later more easily than you can put her back in, but either is probably possible. You can change schools. You can rewrite IEPs. There is no way to predict all the variables.

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I would like a fast forward button for my life so I can be where you are emotionally. Ugh. Getting through it is so tough. Making the jump is so hard. I hate knowing it will be beneficial, and that he will probably love it, but at the same time just wanting to take my ds and hide under the bed at the mere mention of preschool.

Last year I was in the same place you are now. I was highly concerned, extremely anxious, etc. A month before she turned three I was still trying to figure out what to do.

She started preschool in October and I have been pleasantly surprised, by the school, myself and my daughter. She transitioned beautifully and is making great progress. Her teacher, aide and therapists are great. She started out attending 4 days a week for 2.5 hours a day. I fought against my baby going more than that but have gradually agreed to more and more time. She now attends 5 hours a day two days a week and 3.5 the other two days per week.

Next year she might attend 6 hours a day, 4 days a week and ride the bus. I'm not ready to say yes to any of that today. I'll just have to wait and see.

Our situation turned out better than I anticipated it would!