What would you do?

624 Views 13 Replies 14 Participants Last post by beebalmmama, Apr 5, 2006

mommy2evan05

Discussion Starter · Apr 4, 2006

Okay, so I'm kind of piggy-backing off another thread, but it really got me thinking....

I go to Curves 2 days a week. I'm gone for 45 minutes. During this time, 5 month old DS stays with DH. Usually I leave them napping, but other days he is awake when I leave. During these days, I usually come home to a report of "he was so fussy while you were gone". DH doesn't worry about him fussing, thinks it's more important for me to get to the gym. I completely disagree and feel guilty about leaving DS with DH. This is the ONLY time I am away from him, EVER! I am becoming more and more reluctant to leave, so I'm starting to think I should just get some DVDs I can do here at home. I like having the "me" time of going to Curves, but lately, all I can think about is which machines to skip so that I can get back home. You can't take kids with you, or I definitely would. I don't particularly like going now (used to love going with my mom before we moved) because I have no one to talk to. I think I already know what I am going to do, but just looking for others' opinions. Thanks

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mothragirl

· #2 · Apr 4, 2006

if alice makes a peep she is fussing according to my boyfriend. maybe give your DH some fun things to do with the baby while you're gone, like a bath or a walk in the sling. that way they're occupied.

ETA- of course i'm not advocating leaving your baby if you don't want to, i was just giving suggestions if you still want to go. that hour a week can be so refreshing.

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speedknitter

· #3 · Apr 4, 2006

In our situation, I find that my idea of "fussing" and DH's idea of "fussing" are pretty different. You might want to talk to your DH to find out exactly what your babe is doing and how he's acting when you are not there...might not be as big a deal as you think.

Bottom line is, though, if you are not enjoying yourself and it is more stressful for you, don't go!

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KC in KS

· #4 · Apr 4, 2006

I agree, have him define "fussing".

My DH had the hardest time figuring out that babies make noise to say "I don't like this, please fix it." It's not all crying. Sometimes it's just "I need my diaper changed" or "play with me, please". For the longest time, DH just lumped it all under "fussing".

Now that I think about it, he kind of still does it. DD's 18 months old, and when she's frustrated, tends to vocalize rather than verbalize. After an afternoon of it, he usually comments about her "fussiness".

Wow, I used a bunch of quote marks there, didn't I?

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Lkg4dmcrc

· #5 · Apr 4, 2006

I am an avid exercise fanatic and I say it is so important that you exercise for your own health and the health of your children - but I think you must do something you enjoy. It sounds like you loved Curves when you had people there to talk to...is it possible to meet up with people you know there? Can you find a different exercise activity that you can do with friends? Yoga Class? team sport? or gym class with friends?

I would also find out what he means by fussy. Maybe your fussy and his fussy are different like the previous poster said. Above all, I would not feel guilty that you are out doing something for your own health. Are you really likely to do tapes at home? If so, and you don't miss the interaction with others, then by all means, do that... but if you don't think this will work for you, then you should come up with a way to leave your child to go exercise twice a week.

I leave my son a few times a week to go exercise and firmly believe that his father needs to learn how to handle him in all of his stages - not just the cute play stages - but the fussy ones too.

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ellacy

· #6 · Apr 4, 2006

I would find alternative ways to exercise so that I could be available to comfort dc if needed, but I would also encourage dh to interact with dc during this time (and others).

Also, maybe some family interaction time so dh could see how dc is comforted by you, other than by nursing!

ellacy

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Ellien C

· #7 · Apr 5, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebottle
this is my opinion only

i would let your husband parent. seriously, he is only alone with your son an hour and a half a week?

oh dear. i have written now four next paragraphs, but everything i want to say will, i know, be viewed as offensive by someone here, so i will just keep it at that. keep going to curves.

xoa

It's my opinion, too. Let your DH find his way with his child. They'll find a rhythm together - it just needs a little time. It sounds like you enjoyed Curves and I think an hour or 2 of me-time a week will help you to be a more attached and present mother when you are with your child.

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rmzbm

· #8 · Apr 5, 2006

Only the way I see it, of course...
But I do NOT see a baby with Daddy as a "left" baby!! If you were taking him to a sitter, sure. But he's with Dad, you aren't leaving him at all...don't feel badly & enjoy Curves, you deserve it!!

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rzberrymom

· #9 · Apr 5, 2006

I too would find alternative ways to exercise so that I could be available to DD if needed--the way I lost all my baby weight was to put DD on my back in an Ergo and go for LONG, brisk walks. And you could even bring DH and make it family exercise. It would be great for your DC, great for you and DH, and much cheaper than exercise classes.

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Sharlla

· #10 · Apr 5, 2006

What I do is just take long walks with baby on my back. Leaving him with DH doesn't work out for us. I could do a work out video while he's sleeping though. I've lost almost all my baby weight (30 lbs and only 5 to go) and I've done all this by walking and eating right.

ETA I have left DS with dad many times and he's good for about 5 minutes then he freaks out when he realizes I'm not there, the rest of the time he is screaming and crying. I personally can't have a good time knowing that he is so miserable.

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LeslieB

· #11 · Apr 5, 2006

I'm planning to join the gym in a few weeks since I'm almost 6 weeks PP, but I'm having some of the same feelings as the OP. They do have daycare there, and it's right across the hall from the aerobics room, but I'm still so nervous about it. I'm also nervous about leaving DS with DH for such an extended period of time since he tends to cry when dh is holding him. I've also been considering doing DVDs instead, too. So I know how you feel.

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winonamom2be

· #12 · Apr 5, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by rmzbm
Only the way I see it, of course...
But I do NOT see a baby with Daddy as a "left" baby!! If you were taking him to a sitter, sure. But he's with Dad, you aren't leaving him at all...don't feel badly & enjoy Curves, you deserve it!!

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dynamohumm6

· #13 · Apr 5, 2006

Quote:

100% agree

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beebalmmama

· #14 · Apr 5, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebottle
this is my opinion only

i would let your husband parent. seriously, he is only alone with your son an hour and a half a week?

keep going to curves.

xoa

I agree with the above!! I have not left ds with anyone but dh and ds is now eight months. Dh is always asking me what to feed dh, does he need a diaper change, is he hungry, what do you think he wants? It's frustrating to me that I am the all knowing mama and he is still relying on my parenting knowlege. BUT....I also know that when I leave ds with him, ds gets diaper changes, gets fed, and is in one piece when I get back. Sure he was occasionally fussy, but I think this time was so valuable for dh and ds, for dh to learn some parenting skills without me butting in and for ds to get to know his dada better. Your husband needs the time to learn how to soothe your son and develop a relationship with him. You also need to have a bit of time to yourself and I don't think an hour and a half a week is too much. Believe me it will prevent you from burning out later on.

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