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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If at a LLL meeting, the leaders four year old was bullying, running around to the point where he could injure younger children, punching, etc; and the leader ignored him the whole time and did nothing? This happened to me today, he was really after my kid a great deal too and she is very little compared to him. I was beyond pissed, let me say. She was on this long rant about how the breast makes milk to mothers with young babies and when she stopped to take a breath, I did say "Hey, he is bullying and pushing, will you attend to him!" No one else said/did a damn thing. I know if I call her I will just spew frustration out on her, and that will not get me anywhere. Suggestions welcome! Thanks
 

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I think you are right that spewing your frustration will get you nowhere! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Is there another leader in your group that you could speak with about your concerns?<br><br>
I guess, for me, it would depend upon my relationship with this leader and my committment to the group. If you'd really like to keep going to the group, then I would suggest talking to the leader in question AFTER you've cooled off a bit. You might let her know that you're concerned in general about children not being adequately supervised at the meeting, if that feels easier. Or let her know that the group means a lot to you, but under the current circumstances, you're not sure if you can continue attending.<br><br>
My advice is always to be as direct as you can, but remain respectful of the other person. If you can't do that, it's probably not worth making contact.<br><br>
Sorry about this situation, it sounds rotten.
 

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What did she say when you made your comment during class?<br><br>
I would probably say something just as I would at the playground - I might say to the little boy "Please don't push/hit her, she doesn't like that" or whatever is appropriate, and hopefully the mom would get a clue. I would say this even if she is in midsentence, and loud enough for her to hear. If this doesn't work, I would talk to her before class and let her know that your daughter isn't enjoying the way her son plays with her, and to ask her to keep an eye on him with regards to his rough play. If she is overly defensive or does nothing, then I would probably find another group.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
When I made my comment, she kind of smiled and lamely apologized for "talking too much". Not oh I'm so sorry my kid is behaving this way. And I did ask the boy several times, very gently, not to do what he was doing. She simply was paying NO attention to anything around her. I ended up writing a very tactful but firm email stating how I felt; I didn't use sarcasm or threats or nasty words or anything. AND I had my excessively rational/reasonable/takes no sides dh read it, and HE said he wouldn't have been as nice as I was. I feel good about the decision.
 

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It doesn't sound as though the leader dealt with it in the best way possible, given that one of the members of her group, namely you, left the session very upset, but I don't know if I would expect a mother to apologize on behalf of her child. I sometimes find myself saying "I'm sorry" for something my child has done, and thinking, "What the hell? If I could have stopped her, I would have!" Minor point from the mom of a hell raiser. Hope that this problem is resolved soon.
 

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I happened on a very effective technique (at least it was in this particular situation) at the playground the other day - but I think it might only work with a verbal child (you didn't say how old your dd is). Ds is 2-3/4 and he was wanting to join in with a few older kids (about 4 years old) who were playing superheroes. One of them was quite the little bully - when we first got there, he was pushing another little kid around and also was being very brusque and mean with his compadres. I guess he had enough of ds tagging along because he turned around and hit him right in the shoulder. I immediately yelled out, "HEY!" - startled everyone (parents included) in the surrounding area and got their attention focused on the situation. (This was pure reaction.) I then calmed my voice a bit and stated, very matter of factly (though still a bit loudly), "<Ds>, you can tell him, 'DON'T HIT ME! IT HURTS AND I DON'T LIKE IT!'" (Ds, of course, told him just that in his "big talk" voice). The bully's father - who had been sitting on the sidelines up 'til then - suddenly became very attentive. I think he was embarrassed. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
I'm sure there's a better way I could have handled the situation, but it was the first time anyone has ever maliciously hit my ds and the mama bear came out. As it turned out, it worked quite well - and seems that it might in your circumstances, too, if you're comfortable going that route <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Sophia is only 13 mos and has about ten words, so the verbal thing won't do her much good right now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> , but I certainly hope to remember that later. And I'm sorry, but if my kid had been acting that way, I would have apologized, perhaps even privately and said I would be on guard much better the next time. I dunno, she might have done that, but my bp was up so high and my head was pounding, so I just booked it out of there. As far as the mama bear thing goes, that's what I felt like; Sophie is really tough and physical herself, but sooo little (I feel <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> ); I wanted to snatch that kid up, I tell you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"> .
 
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