[MsChatsAlot]

I know someone started an update thread not long ago....but Jster's update got me thinking it's time to update everyone. So share....what's going on?

Me:
Kids are doing well. Busy. They are now 8 & 4.5. Where has that time gone? But man, does it ever get easier being a single mom as they get older.

Things with my ex are good. (Can hardly believe I am writing that). He's in a good space, helps me out a lot and has been taking the kids at least double what he used to. It's great for all of us.

I've had to take a detour with school. I didn't get into the Masters program for fall. No biggie, I'm looking at other schools and in the meantime I'm starting a certificate program in Family Mediation in September. I'll continue with my psych classes as I still need a few undergrad ones for certification down the road.

I'm calling August my 'vacation' month. I took the kids on a little trip (first time with just us and without meeting someone at our destination), we had a ton of fun. I've been reading novels, have done some little projects around the house and I'm going to do a DIY divorce. Yes, that's right ladies, after being separated for 5 years, I might actually get a divorce!!!!!!

I'm still dating my very special someone and enjoying it alot. We have a nice connection and get along really well. And most of all.....it's just fun!!!

But, with all the busy-ness in my life, I've found it hard to keep up here. I still read as much as I can, but don't always have time to post. It seems like it's gotten much busier here lately.

 

[Holland73]

You read my mind, I was also thinking of an update thread, as I feel out of the loop.

All is well here in Oregon. Oliver turned 3 last month and, boy oh boy, I swear, developmentally, he has grown leaps and bounds. His attitude has also really picked up, "No Mommy, Oliver talking right now!" Sometimes it is so hard to keep a straight face.

We have begun both swimming and gymnastics classes. Grandma takes him to gymnastics and I do swimming. It is so much fun.

Graduate school started full-blast the end of July. 12 credits (4 classes: Diversity, Educational Technology, Foundations and CIA-Curriculum, Instruction and Assessment) in 4 weeks! It has been absolutely crazy! I begin student teaching 28 August and I am sooooo looking forward to being back in the classroom again.

My X did come out and visit the first week of April from Holland with his sister (who I am very good friends with). The visit went really well, they stayed here with us. In fact, my X told me that he was very happy I found someone who makes me so happy and that "I am a wonderful mommy to Oliver". Come to find out, he married his gf and they are ttc, but there are fertility issues.

Everything is moving along beautifully with my partner.

 

[Jilian]

I'm so happy to hear that you mamas are doing well! I remember being newly single and hearing about moms who were doing well and being inspired by them. I never thought I would be ok, or even partly ok, but I now feel like I'm better than ever! I owe most of this to you mamas, you have all helped me grow and learn so much

Things are going really well for me and it is so refreshing! I feel like I'm finally being rewarded for all the of the drama and aggrivation I've been through in the past 2.5 years.

The social worker suggested to the court that I should have full custody of DS, I should have her full report by today! Ex has been VERY nice to me this past week, I think he's starting to realize that he hasn't been the best father (or ex) and wants to change that. He's starting weekly visits with DS at my home (in addition to his own 2.5 days a week with DS) and he's also suggested that I come over and visit DS at his house on Sunday nights

I couldn't not believe it when I heard it, he's really turning over a new leaf too.

Things are going great with school, I made dean's list with my summer classes

I have another 10 days off and will start some butt-kicking classes in the fall. I'm a little scared, but I know I'll do ok.

Things with the DP are going very well, we've both decided that the time is right to try to have a baby. I will have a year off after the fall semester while I am waiting to get into the actual nursing program (I'm taking pre-requisites now) and that could be time off with a new baby

I've also been working hard on my doula business and I finally built a website!

I've also connected with a few great midwives in the area who are really helpful.

My health hasn't been so good, but I'm working on it. I've been EXTREMELY exhausted and my blood pressure has been running dangerously low. I'm dizzy all the time. I'm looking for a new doctor so I can find out what's going on.

All in all, things are great. I think this is the best I've ever been in my life.

To all the newly seperated moms: you'll be here one day too, hang in there.

 

[Autumnschild]

I'm really new here, in the single world. It's great, but I need to be more assertive in many aspects of my life. I guess I got used to standing back and letting stbx handle decision making and such. I also no longer have a husband to hide behind to keep the hoards of men at bay...a problem I'm starting to have to deal with. Again, I really need to be assertive.

Stbx is still a real problem. He's a serious alcoholic, and sooo angry. I'm really over him though, which is half the battle. I need to budget the $ to file for divorce because right now, $128 is a lot of money. Yes, I'm poor...but not for too long. My boss promised me a raise soon.

My new job is going well. I love it. I miss being home with my girls, but the independence of working again is exhilarating.

My girls are 2 and 4. My 2yo is doing great. She is really adapting to the changes well, and developing in leaps and bounds! Like her sister, she talks my ear off. Her sis, my 4yo, is having a tough time right now. I understand how hurt and angry she is but I don't know how to help her feel better about things. She gets so angry, then she cries. She woke up last night 4 times crying inconsolably. I slept with her, but when I tried to comfort her, she screamed and threw my arms off her. I love her so much, it kills me. She says she just wants to be alone. Sometimes, she is so like *me*.

Anyway, we are adjusting to this new life, and I know it will be so great once we get past the bumpy part.

One thing I should note: Unlike many people, I am not afraid to be a single mom b/c my mother raised my sister and I by herself. So it is familiar to me.

Nice to meet you all!

 

[ExuberantDaffodil]

I'm doing ok.

For the last two weeks I only worked ONE job and had NO night school... man it felt good.

I've been spending lots of good quality time with my babe, and am starting to feel like an AP mom again.

Yesterday we went to the public pool and ds had a blast counting to three with me and jumping in the pool. We giggled a lot together, and my heart felt full. I love spending time with him! I talked to an Early Intervention lady on the phone today, and she was so, so nice. She told me about a Speech Therapy playgroup that I might be interested in joining, so that sounds fun! Ds has started skipping days nursing, so I wonder if we are on the slow road to weaning. One day he'll not nurse at all, then the next he'll ask on and off all day. The first time we went a day without nursing, I almost freaked!

I'm not happy with my living arrangements, but I keep telling myself that it is temporary and necessary right now, so I try to remain positive.

I start my internship on the 15th, so I am hoping my schedule doesn't get all overloaded again. I have to keep telling myself to take it easy, and it is OK to say no sometimes!!

 

[Zyla]

Update ... well: visitation has been cut off, for the time being. The kids came home from their last visit with their father (he had them one evening per week for three hours and one weekend day for eight hours) shaking (literally). They were very scared and upset over something that had happened with him, though I would rather not post the details here. Suffice it to say, my ex can be very abusive. The kids are 7 and 4 and have only had unsupervised visitation for the past year (I left him four years ago). So. The kids don't want to see him; they are afraid. I don't want them to have to see him. At the moment, he is not asking to see them. We'll see how it goes.

Aside from that the kids and I are doing well.

I have more research and writing to do, and then the fall semester begins in four weeks. I'm busy with the kids and planning whatall we'll likely be studying this coming year. I like to have a general plan laid out, if only in my head.

Plus, this is my eldest's last year (I cannot believe he's 17!) so we'll be doing a fair amount of college prep as he's decided he wants to begin in a year.

 

[BelovedK]

It's so nice to hear from all of you, I'm glad most of it is good news...I'm concerned for you Jilian, take care of yourself (I know you will)

As for me, I'm through with the dating scene (really over it) and am now focusing my energy on improving my fica score so I can have financial options. I really want to buy back my house ~My parents bought it from me during the seperation and I now rent from them. I want to own it again and build my own equity. I want to own my own business (spa-like~Reiki, massage, hair, etc~) Right now I can't bc of my credit score. I have no options. I want to be able to provide well for the DC without help from X (not getting it anyway)

I realized that while dating can be fun, my focus on finding someone is only slowing my road to success. I also want to get my massage liscence, so in addition to Reiki and herbs, I'll have more to offer. That may have to wait bc it is time consuming and I don't want to take myself away from the DC for long.

I'm also taking two kinds of bellydance...Tribal style, and Egyptian/Turkish~basic cabaret~style...The DC usually go with me, they love it (well, they tolerate the waiting).

 

[BelovedK]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zyla Update ... well: visitation has been cut off, for the time being. The kids came home from their last visit with their father (he had them one evening per week for three hours and one weekend day for eight hours) shaking (literally). They were very scared and upset over something that had happened with him, though I would rather not post the details here. Suffice it to say, my ex can be very abusive. The kids are 7 and 4 and have only had unsupervised visitation for the past year (I left him four years ago). So. The kids don't want to see him; they are afraid. I don't want them to have to see him. At the moment, he is not asking to see them. We'll see how it goes. .

I wish you the best, sorry the sweet DC had to go through that

 

[StephandOwen]

Good to hear everyone's updates! I haven't been on here much lately so it's nice to get a quick recap in one thread!

Currently I'm extremely exhausted. Owen still is not making much progress with his speech. I have "given in" and am sending him to a special needs preschool

I don't want to, but I've thought about it a lot and I think he'll be fine and it will be a good thing for him. Of course, if it's not, I'll pull him out. He starts going alone after labor day. He'll be going 2 days a week for 2 1/2 hours each day. It's been hard for me to deal with accepting this, because I never planned on sending him to preschool and I really thought he'd be caught up by now (I realized earlier this week that he's been in therapy for half his life. I really expected him to have "graduated" by now). Noone I've taken him to see has been able to tell me anything, which is really getting frustrating. We're going to have to step it up and I'll be talking to his dr about getting more testing done. I hate to do it to him, obviously no mom wants to see their child in pain from medical tests but if it'll help him....

The past few nights I've been up almost all night working on PECS and picture schedules for him (taking a break right now before I go back to working on them

). I'm hoping these will help eliminate some of the tantrums he has because he doesn't know how to communicate what he wants.

As far as me- I'm just trying to cram as much as I can into the last few weeks before I go back to work full time. I'm behind on my school work, behind on my bills, my laundry, housework, and the list goes on. It feels like I'm just taking one step forward and getting pushed 2 steps back. I start back full time in less than 2 weeks.

Dating is a joke. It's the furthest thing from my mind.

Haven't heard from Owen's dad in a while, and don't expect to. I'm sure he's happy he gets to spend his time partying and living it up, not even caring what I/Owen are going through. He has no clue I even took Owen to the University of Michigan. I was telling his mom about the PECS I'm working on and mentioned I wanted a picture of her to put in there. She said she'd find one of Owen's dad for me to put in there. I had to laugh at that one. Like hell am I wasting my time and money putting his picture in there. Owen doesn't know him from a stranger on the street. I could put some random clipping from a magazine in there and tell him that's his dad and he wouldn't know any better.

Eh, I've wasted enough time. Back to the PECS.

 

[pranamama]

I got a ruling, sole decision making and all 3 children with me.

Now my teenager says she's going to ask to be emancipated but I don't think she can without a job and way to support herself. She doesn't want her father to have to pay cs for her. The court found he had been abusive towards the child and myself.

He hasn't visited with the younger children since May. They really miss him. He acts like it is everyone's fault but his own. It is amazing that I don't immediately get sucked into feeling sorry for him like I used to. I tell myself he's an adult. It is his choice. No pity from me. no more

I haven't moved yet but I hope to find a wonderful home when I do.

 

[annarbor931]

My DS is 2 1/2 and doing very well, despite periodic bouts of asthma and his food allergies. I am going to school in Septemer to take 3 classes--the last 3 before I start nursing school in Jan 2007. I am so excited to begin. I have not been able to find a job in my field (public heatlh/public policy) since May 2004. I finished my dual masters in 2003, and so far I haven't doine much work in that area. I am excited to get my BSN and be able to work, especially part-time with a flexible (non 8-5) schedule.

DS has not seen his "Dad" since last Spring, and he won't see him again unless his Dad goes to court to file a motion to set up a supervised visitation schedule. I also had a run in with my former MIL a few days ago. She calls a few times a year to tell me how wrong I am for keeping DS from her son. This time she asked to see him but had to bring him over her house. I have just had enough of these people. They don't acknowledge his birthday or holidays, and they typically see DS once a year at most. The former MIL told me that I am crazy, selfish and mistreating her son for demanding a divorce settlement. I was so calm and practical while talking to her that she hung up on me, and I hope I don't hear from her again. I guess the truth was too much for her. She also told me that I am making up his life-threatening food allergies just to keep DS from being alone with them.

On the relationship front, I am actually engaged to be married and we have set a Nov 25th, 2006 date. We are planning a small ceremony and reception with family and a few friends.