[gr33nie]

(I'm Xposting on 'toddler')

First of all let met state that I know there is no right answer to this becasue a lot depends on the temperment of the children etc... But I think it would be really interesting to see what people here feel is the 'best'.

Could you also mention how many children you have, plan to have and your spacing or 'planned' spacing?

I'll start.

I'm 29 yrs. old and lucky enough to be a SAHM right now. I have one 9 month old and I plan to have two children total. Right now I'm thinking that more spacing is better in terms of my being able to really devote one-on-one time with each child. I think that having DC #1 being enrolled in a half day pre-school program around 4 years old would be a great time to have #2 come into our lives. Having said that, I can see 'just wanting to get the itty bitty baby years behind us'. I know that sounds terrible and I am LOVING my time with my 9 month old but it is HARD at the same time. Especially the sleep deprivation, so the thought of getting that time behind us is tempting . I don't really pay much heed to the 'having them closer allows them to be friends' thing because I think that it's a gamble and it also can come with a lot of jealously. I also think that they can have a 'teacher' 'learner' relationship that can be just as special and interactive if they are spaced farther.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic

 

[mightymoo]

I had my DC 2 years apart, and we are planning the next one with the same spacing. I personally like this spacing, my brother and I were 2 years apart (and he was 3 years from the next oldest) and we are fairly close. I found that it was a bit of leap of faith when we got pregnant, but by the time the baby was born, DD was much more indepenant and very excited about the prospect of a baby. She really wasn't much bothered by him until he got to the walking age where he started taking her stuff.

I am 5 years older than my youngest brother - I feel like that gap is huge. I am in a completely different place in life from him now and have been since I was about 14. As a result we don't really know each other as well. So, I want my children all grouped close together.

 

[monkeys4mama]

Whatever works for you?

For us, roughly 2-2.5 yrs has been the chosen child spacing interval. It has worked well and we've been very happy with kids this far apart. They are close enough to interact and play very well, yet far enough apart that I felt we were capable of meeting their needs well. Infancy is such a high needs time in physical terms (holding, bf, frequent diaper changes, need for naps, etc) and early toddlerhood is such an intense time for parent interaction (really close physical supervision, lots of hands-on assistance with manipulating toys, much modeling of behavior, etc). Then as the toddler passes age 2, they become more adventuresome and strive for independence in their activities so much more. At that point, it's easier for me as a mother to be able to meet the needs of the toddler and the newborn. The toddler *wants* to be trying out new things and is capable of doing them (can climb into own carseat, can run and play on playground w/o me hovering right there, begins to play alongside other children in parallel play). They also tend to have a greater interest in helping with the new babe and imitating baby cares, etc, rather than just "investigating" the new baby (poking eyes and sticking fingers in mouth, etc). So I guess it seemed to me that that spacing worked out well. I'm sure there are other rationales for other spacing intervals.

Another tidbit of info, I read somewhere (and I wish I could remember where) that 1.5-3 yrs was the optimal spacing in terms of pregnancy outcome (mommy and baby health factors). I also heard from my ped (don't know where he got the info) that he read that 2-2.5 yrs was the best spacing for reducing sibling rivalry. Closer than that and they competed more, longer than that and there was a much more difficult adjustment for the older child. Again, no idea on the sources for these comments (but naturally I remembered them b/c they supported my own child spacing decision

)

 

[oliversmum2000]

at least 2 metres!!!!!!

 

[momto l&a]

We have 3 children so far.

We take however many children God blesses us with.

So far there is 2 years 4 months between #1 and #2 and 2 years 6 months between #2 and #3 There was going to be 2 years 4 months between #3 and #4 but we had a mc.

I like the spacing we have, it works well for us

 

[sphinx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by oliversmum2000 at least 2 metres!!!!!!

ha ha!

well i had mine 5 years apart and i like this a lot, dd was quite comfortable being an oly child but from what i can see there is no more sibling rivalry than in other families. Still, I do understand why some people want to have a shorter gap - i had forgotten all the hard parts and got to do them over again from scratch. Knowing what I know now, I think that I would have chosen a 3.5-4 year gap. My favorite sibling (I'm one of 5) is 3 years my elder and I think this gives good breathing space between them.

 

[Lila]

I have mine between 20 months-2 1/2 years apart. It has been my observation that between 3-5, it is probably not the ideal time to introduce a new sibling especially to an only child. Once a child is more social and has become independant in his/her own way, then it would be best. I would say *best* is before 2 or after 6.
DD2 did not respond well to her baby sister because I feel I waited a little too long (she was 2 1/2) but any that are closer have worked really well. If I had it to do over I'd aim for 20-24 months between.
I'm on #4, and have observed MANY families through nannying and frienships.

 

[deliciousjones]

ours will be 20 months apart. frankly, i'm terrified.

i really think that there are pros and cons to every possible child spacing option. i'm a big fan of doing what feels right.

 

[MotheringHeart]

Our kiddos are 19mths, 20mths, and the last will be 22mths. I love the spacing and would have had them closer together if it had happened that way. They play wonderfully together, are in similar developmental stages, and I just love the chaos!

 

[eminer]

I think it is unique to each child and each family situation. For example, my dd Grace still has relatively high needs for nursing and physical contact at almost 5yo. That may have influenced the fact that I still couldn't imagine having another baby when she was 2.

As it turned out, she and Eve are 3.5 years apart. I don't think there is any perfect spacing, but this one is pretty darned good for us. Grace definitely thinks of herself as the Big Sister and likes to take care of Eve (and compose stories where she slays a dragon that is endangering Eve, etc). But at the same time, they really enjoy playing and are very close. It's amazing how Eve has adapted to keep up. She's extremely precocious in things like troublemaking, mommy-baiting, playground equipment climbing...

 

[eminer]

Sorry, I forgot this part:

Quote:

Could you also mention how many children you have, plan to have and your spacing or 'planned' spacing?

We don't have a plan. That pretty much sums it up.

We conceived dd2 as soon as my fertility had fully returned. We'll probably do it again one or more times.

 

[Brazilianmommy]

Ours are going to be 18 months...

 

[roomformore]

There is 3 years b/w my brother and I- we still don't get along. My baby brother is 8 years younger and we are great friends. Yes, we are at different life stages, but we have lots in common. He's great with my kids. He took off from work when we were home for a holiday recently so he could go to the movies with just me! I love the bigger gap and actually felt that there was less competition. To each her own I guess!

btw- in December we'll have our 3rd child. 6.5 yr age gap! Although, we did start with twins...

 

[Brazilianmommy]

I hope my future baby and my dd get along well, Unleast better than me and my oldest brother he's 16 years older than I am

:

 

[Peony]

DD will be just shy of 4 years when this babe arrives, I'm loving how everything is falling into place. Alot of moms tell me that they want their dc close so they will be friends, I feel that is no guarantee that they will play with each other. My sister and I were 2 years and 11 days apart, we fought like cats and dogs our entire childhood, anf NEVER played together. A 2 year old is still very much a baby IMO, and I could not imagine having another baby to deal with. DD is old enough to understand most things about baby, how things will change, why it hurts momma to nurse her, why my milk dried up... She sleeps through the night so I can get rest, she can do some things for herself, dh is able to do things with her and comfort her where at 2 years of age, she still really needed momma to do everything, and the biggie for me, she can entertain herself for longer periods of time. DD is very excited about baby coming, she is around alot of babies, she knows what it is coming to be like. She keeps coming up with these things like, "baby needs to be right next to me in the car so I can hold it's hand when it's upset".

:

My absolute mininium spacing between dc is 3 years, for several reasons, I feel dc should nurse for 2 years, pg takes a huge toll on your body that takes years to recover from. There is a great essay/article in a book I read, I can not remember the title to save my life, but it's main point is how a child needs to be the baby for 3 years, that really stuck with me. I don't feel sibling rivalry is worse then they are older. Some of the families I know that struggle the most with this have dc spaced 2-2.5 years. With the almost 4 year spacing, there was no leap of faith for me to take to get pg, I was very much ready, I was never worried about how I would handle it.

 

[teachma]

I love my 3.5 year gap between ds and dd! I had planned to have them a little farther apart than this; however, the baby lust got the best of me! As a mom who works 35+ hours a week outside the home, I felt I needed my first child to be an only for a bit, so that he could benefit from my attention whenever he could get it (before and after work hours). I wanted to know that ds would be somewhat independent by the time I wouold have to come home and take care of a newborn baby. Also, because my mom watches my children for me, I didn't want to spring upon her a second baby while the first was still little. So, I have a nearly 6 year old and an almost 2.5 year old. I would love to have a third, but I'd like to be in a different financial situation at that point, so I can take several years off from work. I also need to convince DH that 3 would be a good number...So there may be a pretty large gap between #2 and #3, if I do have a third.

 

[sphinx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AMB8301 My absolute mininium spacing between dc is 3 years, for several reasons, I feel dc should nurse for 2 years, pg takes a huge toll on your body that takes years to recover from.

i very much agree. I also felt it would be unfair to my first child to introduce a new sibling when she couldn't really understand what was happening and why mama suddenly had to give her so much less of the attention she was used to and needed at that stage. 3-4 years just seems natural to me. I guess my body agreed because with both kids I didn't even start ovulating again until almost 24 months so i couldn't have had them closer together!

 

[mommy65]

obviously, you get various answers to this question with everyone having their own unique experience.
my sons are 2 yrs apart exactly and it has really kicked my #&! I will say that the youngest is 16 mos. now and we are beginning to see how this will be really fun, cute and very convenient down the road a bit. I tandem nursed, since ds#1 was so young when i got preg. and, though i'd do it again, it was one of the reasons i was so drained.
it is very emotional to feel you're rocking your sweet baby's world and i still can't stand looking at the pics of the little one's first day home because my oldest was so obviously freaked out. i read him the books, introduced him to babies and made sure we had our own special time together but it was still very hard for him. but hey, people have done it forever, right?
anyway, all to say it probably just works itself out no matter what you end up doing. my doc encouraged us to wait til ds was three--- he says the "research" is in and it's best to wait-- but geez, i'm 40 yo and didn't feel comfortable waiting. i got a few negative comments from some AP moms that my youngest was still a baby and i shouldn't do it

: I get what they're saying but it's a very personal decision. i prepared for the worst and hoped for the best, as far as sibling relations go, and so far--- we've experienced both. good luck!

 

[Ragana]

I was in the exact same situation as you - had DD1 at 29 and DD2 at 33 and the exact gap is 3 yrs. 7 mos. It has worked out very well so far. DDs adore each other and play together all the time. Of course, it does depend a lot on the kids' personalities. I have to say, it was nice for DD1 to be walking, talking and potty trained when DD2 came along.

 

[hipumpkins]

I think twins are the best spacing...hee hee
mine are 2 years and 9 mos aprt and Dd is great with her brother However...her stuff often gets pushed aside or she has to wait b/c DS isn't old enough and he can't walk so going places with just us is very hard. I like the idea of them being on the same activity level..however I'll bet they're tough to nurse