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(I'm Xposting on 'the childhood years')

First of all let met state that I know there is no right answer to this becasue a lot depends on the temperment of the children etc... But I think it would be really interesting to see what people here feel is the 'best'.

Could you also mention how many children you have, plan to have and your spacing or 'planned' spacing?

I'll start.

I'm 29 yrs. old and lucky enough to be a SAHM right now. I have one 9 month old and I plan to have two children total. Right now I'm thinking that more spacing is better in terms of my being able to really devote one-on-one time with each child. I think that having DC #1 being enrolled in a half day pre-school program around 4 years old would be a great time to have #2 come into our lives. Having said that, I can see 'just wanting to get the itty bitty baby years behind us'. I know that sounds terrible and I am LOVING my time with my 9 month old but it is HARD at the same time. Especially the sleep deprivation, so the thought of getting that time behind us is tempting . I don't really pay much heed to the 'having them closer allows them to be friends' thing because I think that it's a gamble and it also can come with a lot of jealously. I also think that they can have a 'teacher' 'learner' relationship that can be just as special and interactive if they are spaced farther.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic
 

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Wow, I feel the same way you do! I am also a SAHM. My ds is 22 months and I can't imagine having to divide my attention between two just yet. Especially since I am still nursing. I want to wait until he is in a half day preschool and is more independent. My ds is doing so well right now that I don't want to rock his world yet!

My sister-in-law has 5 children, 3 year old twins, one 5, one 6 and one 9 year old. They all fight for attention at all times. The twins have each other, and the 5 and 6 year olds play together. The 5 year old can't do things as well and can get very frustrated. He will always be just a year behind and I think that is tough. I don't think he understands the age difference, since they are so close in size. The oldest is the only girl, so that sets her apart from the others. She tends to be more of a little mommy than a playmate. I think it is more of a gender thing. The boys are all rough and tumble.

When I worked in childcare, it was my observation that the older children did much better with new siblings and regressed much less than the 2 and unders did. Of course that is all about emotional maturity. It just seems that the more of a "life" outside the home, meaning friends and school, the easier it is to have to share mommy and daddy.

I know that children adapt very well and whenever you chose to add to your family it is going to be a blessing.
 

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I had mine 3 yrs. apart which I love now but nursing through pregnancy sucked and I can see the appeal of waiting 4 or more yrs. in between kids. I would never, ever, ever consider a shorter gap. 3 yrs. is a bare minimum for me!
 

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My oldest 2 are 3 yrs apart ( then 9yrs
) The 3 yrs worked wonderfullyfor me . I had very few complaints. One going to preschool 2 mornings and only 1 in diapers at a time. I have 2 of my good friends who have kiddos 14 mos and 19 months apart and they tell me often how hard it is that close together. Nathan will be 3 in Nov and we would have like to have another but nature hasnt cooperated yet.
 

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My kids will be 2.75 years apart, and I hope it will work out well. My DD just finished potty training, and is only nursing twice a day. I'm glad she is out of diapers, and glad they will be close enough in age to possibly share similar interests at the same time in the future.

My brother and I were 3.5 years apart, and we never really got along well. However, my DH and his siblings were all spaced 5 years apart, and they were and still are the best of friends, so it's hard to say if spacing has anything to do with it.
 

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DS and DD are almost exactly 4 years apart. He was born 1/23/01 and she was born 2/8/05. The new baby is due 1/25/07 so it will be almost 2 full years younger than DD. I don't like the 4 year gap because DS and DD don't seem to have a lot of common ground. They're just too far apart developmentally to really enjoy playing together a lot of the time.
 

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For me, I'd love to have two children. But my husband and I have been through so much. He has a rare form of cancer and lost his eye -- almost lost his life -- it's been a tough time for us. I find it very tiring to raise my daughter -- yet I also love it and her. It's hard with all the other stress. I would like more help from family. My parents are great but they are 75 and live one hour away.

So -- I don't know if we will try for more. But right now -- I am not ready -- yet emotionally crave a baby at times. I know it would not be best for my DD or a new baby, so I cry and know I will know if I should try in the future. To be honest -- I am terrified of dealing with TWO kids ALONE as the threat of death is very here with my husband's cancer.

I think it depends on you and your life. I was an only child so it's hard for me to know what it's like to have a sibling. It seems nice.
 

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To me, it is important for each child to get their full two years of nursing. I've been lucky in that I haven't had to cut short a nursling in favor of a pregnancy. My body phyically cannot do nursing while pregnant. (maybe that's why it hasn't happened) I fizzle out if I miss a meal, just nursing one. So to me ensuring not short-changing nursing is a big consideration.
 

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In our case I wanted dd to be 3 years old when baby # 2 arrives. She has always been a high need baby/toddler, I just couldn't imagine caring for her and a newborn when she was younger. On another hand, I didn't really want to wait longer with a second one as I am already 35 and we want to have 3 kids in total. I think that dd will just be fine when her little brother arrives, she will be much more mature and accepting.
 

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My sit. is similar to OP. I had dd at 29. she is 15 mos. now. We don't want dc#2 to come along until dd is at least 3. She is still a baby and needs her time to nurse. Also the pregnancy was very difficult for me and my mind and body are still recooperating. We don't plan on dd going to preschool but I think things will be easier for her and us if she is older and has other interests outside of home.

My bro is 4.5 years older and we have always been close. my dp and his bro are 3.5 years apart and they really disliked (hated) eachother when they were young and get along okay now, but they aren't close. I think spacing as far as sibling relationship goes has little to do with age. That doesn't seem to be a deciding factor in any of my cousins/friends relationships with their siblings.

I think weighing a pregnancy and a new baby's effects on our current family is making the decision for us.
 

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Great thread, I posted a similar one not to long ago. I TOTALLY agree with you on everything. DS is very high need and bright. (15 Monthes) I will LOVE to be pregno again ( i just turned 25)and to experince the highs, and lows again but DS is not the type of child I can do that with. If he was an even keel go with the flow type I would be gung ho but he is not therefor neither am I. I REALLLY want to explore one on with him and I feel like I would be cheating him almost of the attention that he needs and deserves right now. Now when he is potty trained, going to pre k and has friends, SLEEPS FOR LONGER THAN 1 HOUR INTERVALS, and has an identity seperate than me, hell yea, I am ready. now not so much. Dh REALLY wants #2 but he is at work day and night and he is not nursing so it is easy for him to say, remember when he was tiny and new?!
:
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by gr33nie
(I'm Xposting on 'the childhood years')

First of all let met state that I know there is no right answer to this becasue a lot depends on the temperment of the children etc... But I think it would be really interesting to see what people here feel is the 'best'.

Could you also mention how many children you have, plan to have and your spacing or 'planned' spacing?

I'll start.

I'm 29 yrs. old and lucky enough to be a SAHM right now. I have one 9 month old and I plan to have two children total. Right now I'm thinking that more spacing is better in terms of my being able to really devote one-on-one time with each child. I think that having DC #1 being enrolled in a half day pre-school program around 4 years old would be a great time to have #2 come into our lives. Having said that, I can see 'just wanting to get the itty bitty baby years behind us'. I know that sounds terrible and I am LOVING my time with my 9 month old but it is HARD at the same time. Especially the sleep deprivation, so the thought of getting that time behind us is tempting . I don't really pay much heed to the 'having them closer allows them to be friends' thing because I think that it's a gamble and it also can come with a lot of jealously. I also think that they can have a 'teacher' 'learner' relationship that can be just as special and interactive if they are spaced farther.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic

My sister has 2 children an 8 year old and an 18 month old...
Yes she gets the bonus of her 8 year olds help and the independance
but an 8 year old and an 18 month old are in 2 totally completly diferent stages in life...
My sister finds it very overwhelming at times.. she talks baby talk to one.. turns around and has to talk "big girl" talk to her 8year old.
She tries very hard to divide their time but because they are so far apart in age they obviously dont play the same games so its hard to play family games that they both enjoy.. the 8 year old wants to play tag at the park, but the 18 mth old wants to play on the slide...
All im saying is everything has its advantages and disadvantages ..
then there is the "bossyness" the older child takes on this kind of controlling factor with the much younger sibling

Yes its true having your children close in age is very tiresome and overwhelming when they are young and in diapers.. but you get it all done and over with in one big shot rather then do it all once then every 5-7 years do it again..
JMHO
 

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My kid's spacing is all about me.


I waited to ttc the second until my first had weaned on his own, was potty trained and was sleeping well at night. I knew I could not nurse thru pregnancy nor tandem, and the thought of dealing with two at night makes me
: .

So far, 5 yr spacing is great. Ds loves to entertain dd and she loves him to pieces.
 

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Mine are three years apart - 2/28/02 and 2/3/05 and it has been relatively easy in relation to how old ds was when dd was born. He was able to understand that she was a baby and that she had immediate needs that needed to be tended to. I also come from the position that a baby must nurse at LEAST two years so we didn't start ttc until I knew that would be insured. We stopped using BC when ds was 20 months old as I figured that my milk would be around to at least the 4 month mark. As it was, it took 7 months and ds was 26 months old when we conceived and nursed until he was 33 months old and I was 8 months pregnant. It worked out perfectly...for us. But like you said, the "perfect" spacing is different for everyone. We are talking about #3 and dd is much more attatched to her milk than ds ever was so we are going to postpone ttc for a bit longer. I don't want to jeapordize one child's well being for a child that isn't even conceived yet, and possibly might never be conceived for whatever reason.
 

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My ds is 16 mo. and I always thought I wanted my children to be 2 years apart (since my sister and I are 18 mo apart, and are very good friends), but now that the 2 year apart mark has come, it seems too crazy. My son is very active, and nurses almost as much as a newborn....(teething like crazy!)
I want to nurse him until he's 2, or until he's done, and I know I can't grow a baby and breastfeed- it was hard enough to eat enough when I was pregnant. Also I was SO tired, and I just don't think my body can do it. I agree with many of you that I would like to give enough attention (and breastmilk) to one before I start on another. I do crave a baby however, and understand that path too. For me I think I'll be leaning towards 3 years apart. I will also be open, because sometimes babies come when they know they should
 

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It's so personal, only you can decide what is right for your family and DC.

My two are 18 months apart and so far (that is, for the past 2 weeks!
) I love it. I wanted them close and hope it works out well for them and us!

No age spacing is without its own issues and no blanket statement can be made about what is "best" across the board.

(Edited to correct punctuation.)
 

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My 2 are exactly (same due date!) 2 years apart. And I hated it when DS was first born, because DD really could not communicate well. Once she could understand a lot more, it was when she was 2.5yr. I'm thinking next ones we'll try to space 2.5 yr apart instead of 2.
 

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Mine are 2 years, 3 months apart.

I love it.

Right now they are 3 1/2 and 16 months. Dd1 was a very high needs baby and toddler, but the addition of her sister actually mellowed her out. She loves her sister, and plays with her all the time -- which takes the pressue off of me with dd2 (meaning, i do not need to entertain dd2 very much, since dd1 does that for me).

They are becoming very close already. Sure, there are toy squabbles here and there, but in general all is well. Dd2 loves her big sister, and dd1 loves being loved.
 
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