[Satori]

Serious question here, what's the big deal beyond you can say "My child is gifted". We were over at my dads house visiting today for a couple hours and his new GF was over there and she's a psychologist with a nearby school district. She spent the whole time playing with the girls and asking them questions and stuff. She told me she believes both my dd's to be gifted and was surprised to learn my younger was only 30 months, she thought she was just a small closer to 4 yr old. I've known my 8 yr old was gifted since she was tested at 3 & 4 & 5 yrs old (made her retest at her annual IEP for speech) but honestly I've never made a big deal about it, hadn't even thought about it since her last IEP when she was 5. I know what her IQ is and I don't see any reason to treat her any different. Granted I prefer her to be homeschooled so she's challenged but she plays with kids of all ability levels. I can see where if your kid is profoundly gifted with an IQ of 160+ where you might run into problems but I have the feeling most of the parents here are dealing with kids in the 130 range where its not really an issue imo. What am I missing?

eta: So I've been reading on the board a bit and I'm starting to get a better picture, I was that kid who hated school and no one could deal with, they even stuck me in a remedial class in 1st becasue they thought I couldn't read (I was offended they wanted me to read Dick and Jane type books when I was reading novels so I just refused to do work I considered beneath me which umm, was everything). When we moved my mom didn't tell them that and they insisted on placement testing and low and behold discovered I was reading at 12th grade level in 1st grade. Got stuck with the 6th graders for reading becasue that was the highest they could put me on campus but I was only 6, wasn't ready to deal with hormonal 12 yr olds. Spent the rest of school hating it, year after after I hated school more and more. Finally got to high school and did all 4 years in 18 months and 9 of those I wouldn't count becasue all I did was sit in the corner and read what I wanted all day becasue I didn't feel like working that day (was a 1 room school kinda deal)

) I didn't start enjoying learning until I got to college. My mom gave me all my school report cards stuff a few months ago and I can not figure out why in the world she kept in me school, not a single teacher had a positive thing to say about me after I left kindy and I literally had all D's and F's. Funny thing is my IQ is in the gifted range and its noted in my file but no one ever did anything about it. I've never seen being gifted as some kind of advantage, yes I can learn faster and easier on a lot of things but I don't really see myself as any different from a lot of other people but that said, most of the people I've been around or hang out with also tend to have higher IQ's so to me that's normal, I tend to avoid people I consider not so bright but I don't think it really has anything to do with IQ

 

[lolar2]

Depends on the school system. In some schools and in homeschooling, it isn't a big deal. In other schools, it is a big deal in order to get appropriately challenging work (which can have behavioral implications).

 

[hergrace]

Feeding the kids breakfast, so this is likely to be disjointed.

For me, knowing that my kids and I are gifted is useful for 2 reasons. One is advocacy in school. The other has more to do with understanding ourselves so we can help ourselves navigate the world more competently. I am particularly interested in the vulnerabilities of the highly gifted as they have been major players in my life and I hope to give my children better tools than I had if it turns out that they, too, are highly gifted.

Personally, I would have liked to know before my mid-thirties that I really don't process the world in the same way as most other people and that the reason I have always felt different is because I really am different. I am afraid that it might have made me cocky, but I believe it would have saved me some social aggravation.

I don't know how I am going to deal with this with my kids, but I see it already being an issue for DS1, and I am glad that I am aware of it early, so I can choose how to deal with it.

 

[supervee]

Satori, I think your experience is why it matters. It's important for all kids to be placed correctly in school and be challenged. (But did you come to that conclusion, too, after you read through the forum?)

 

[quaz]

It is also important to know, b/c it can case mis-diagnosis or undiagnosis of items...

I child could be dyslexic, but b/c the child is gifted and is using other skills to compensate, one might not realize the child was dyslexic, and just assume the child was an 'average' reader. That can cause additional frustration for the child.

A child could 'seem' to be ADHD, when the reality is they are gifted with a physical overexcitability. (Kids that are gifted are more prone to OE's). A child could be misdiagnosed.

Tammy

 

[earthmama369]

My goal as a parent is to understand my children so that I can provide them with the tools to become happy, functional adults who enjoy their lives and make the world a better place in some way. Knowing that my children are gifted explains an intrinsic part of them and makes sense of some of their idiosyncracies and needs, so that I can better provide them with opportunities and understanding. It's just a piece of the parenting puzzle.

We pull influences on our parenting from all over the place: cultural norms, what our peers and their children are doing, research, consultation with various professionals, our families, instinct, and so on. One of my biggest influences is my children. They inform and challenge me, and often, they don't match up with what their peers are doing, so I need to find my own solutions to their needs rather than culling information from my peers and their experiences. Does that make sense? (We had a weekend of croup and no sleep here, so I'm seeing double right now!)

 

[carmel23]

Quote:

Originally Posted by quaz It is also important to know, b/c it can case mis-diagnosis or undiagnosis of items... I child could be dyslexic, but b/c the child is gifted and is using other skills to compensate, one might not realize the child was dyslexic, and just assume the child was an 'average' reader. That can cause additional frustration for the child. A child could 'seem' to be ADHD, when the reality is they are gifted with a physical overexcitability. (Kids that are gifted are more prone to OE's). A child could be misdiagnosed. Tammy

:
Intelligence is part of who we are--it is a really big part of my oldest son's personality... he *needs* to know things, seemingly, within the very fiber of his being.

He also has a lot of quirks and anxiety, and stuff relating to OEs. If I didn't know about this, and didn't read about giftedness, I would be at a loss as to how to help my child.

Plus, for every brag on this board there are probably two problem posts... so it isn't all roses.

 

[Diane B]

I don't know if I'm going to add anything unique...but knowing my daughter is gifted has really helped me. Not so I can brag, or feel superior, but simply because it helps me understand her and her needs. It makes some of her behaviors more tolerable that otherwise might be irritating. It is completely informing our search for a school and helps us know what to look for in a school environment.

 

[eilonwy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Satori I can see where if your kid is profoundly gifted with an IQ of 160+ where you might run into problems but I have the feeling most of the parents here are dealing with kids in the 130 range where its not really an issue imo. What am I missing?

I'd argue that most of the parents posting here probably have children above the 130-150, "optimal" range. We've been over this before, but the short of it is that while the majority of gifted kids will stand out/have trouble in school, it's the highly and profoundly gifted ones that are standing out/ having trouble in preschool and daycare settings. The average gifted child is "cute" when they say something advanced at three, rather than scary when they count the oranges you've put in your cart at eleven months... know what I mean?

 

[MusicianDad]

With us it doesn't really matter. Even with school work that's too easy DD chooses school because of the social value. She loves interacting with other children everyday. When she comes home she's seeks out the challenge.

For some children and in some schools, the school just isn't set up for even moderatly gifted children without some major fighting on the part of the parents and proof that the child is gifted.

 

[Labyrinth]

Personally, I think all children need to be challenged at their level in school. With gifted children, and with special needs children, this can become more difficult to do.

I don't think being gifted is a big deal, and I don't think it should be treated as such. I think gifted kids should be treated the same as any other child. I just think all kids should be able to learn at their level as well as focus what they are interested in, at least part of the time. When I was in school I was bored an awful lot, which led to various academic difficulties. I mean, why did I have to do a page worth of long division every night when I mastered that skill 2 years prior??? Or why was learning about the revolutionary war for the third year in a row so important when I wanted to learn about the holocaust?

I am not about to say gifted children should receive a separate educational environment (I believe in inclusion of gifted and special needs students). I just think the educational environment should be tailored to every child's needs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by quaz I child could be dyslexic, but b/c the child is gifted and is using other skills to compensate, one might not realize the child was dyslexic, and just assume the child was an 'average' reader. That can cause additional frustration for the child.

I had a high IQ and dyslexia/auditory process disorder/speech difficulties (at my first IEP the special ed teacher actually walked out bc I was too smart for services

). It does bring another dimension to the whole thing.

 

[ChristaN]

Quote:

Originally Posted by eilonwy I'd argue that most of the parents posting here probably have children above the 130-150, "optimal" range. We've been over this before, but the short of it is that while the majority of gifted kids will stand out/have trouble in school, it's the highly and profoundly gifted ones that are standing out/ having trouble in preschool and daycare settings. The average gifted child is "cute" when they say something advanced at three, rather than scary when they count the oranges you've put in your cart at eleven months... know what I mean?

I don't know that my children are above the range Eilonwy mentioned, but we have still had issues, especially with my older dd, that have been better dealt with by knowing what was causing them. I'd also venture to guess that the range of "ideal" intelligence in terms of social and school adjustment is well below the 130-150 range. On a current/modern IQ test, 130-150 would be btwn the 98th-99.9th percentile (2 percent to .1 percent of the population). Yes, there are kids whose parents post here, Eilonwy's included, who likely fall even higher than that and I'm sure that makes things all that much more challenging.

However, I truly believe that, in terms of being understood by your teachers and peers, it is easier to be in, say, the 40th-80th percentile. Probably being nearer the upper end of that range is better in terms of life opportunities, accolades, and gaining the admiration of those who look up to you yet can still relate to you. In an average school of, say, 500 kids, you would only have ten kids in the 98th percentile or above in terms of intelligence. I would want to know if my child was one of ten kids with the lowest intellectual capacity in a school of 500, and I would likely figure out that something was different about this kiddo of mine at some point when she was having such a different schooling experience than the other kids. She would probably need special accomodations and teaching approaches in that instance. I would argue that even moderately gifted kids (like the kiddos with IQs around 130) need special accomodations and teaching approaches as well as peers of similar intellectual capacity as much as moderately developmentally delayed children do (like the kiddos with IQs around 70).

 

[Miss Information]

I don't agree that social difficulties only arise when the IQ is above a certain age, nor does having a lower IQ exclude one from having social difficulties. A lot of that has to do with pure temperament and emotional maturity and factors such as shyness or social anxiety.

I can say I had a whole lot of social difficulties in elementary school (and I can assure you my IQ wasn't all that high, just high enough that my peers and even my own sisters couldn't relate to), but by high school, I managed to have friends and learn the give and take of healthy relationships. My family was pretty dysfunctional growing up, but because of that and the fact that I analyzed them and their actions to death on my own, I learned a lot about how not to treat people.

What matters is meeting the needs of the child. I'm pretty sure my daughter is NOT profoundly gifted (though I never had her IQ tested, she did have some developmental/IQ-like tests), but she has never stepped one foot in kindergarten yet, and picked up her sisters mid-second grade level reader yesterday and was able to read most of it to me the first time around. She only started reading about 6 months ago.

However, she does have a lot of social problems - social anxiety and selective mutism. She is also completely drained by her experiences out in the world. Her sensitivities also grow out of proportion sometimes, so that she's falling apart in a heaping mess at least once a day, sometimes more.

Knowing that she has a higher intellect tells me that it's the gifted traits and over-excitabilities that cause her to have problems. Her nueropsych wanted me to be absolutely sure that my daughter isn't doing things on purpose to make her life (and mine) difficult. The whole asynchronous development explains why she can understand things above her age, yet act like a 2 year old when she has had enough.

Knowing that she is very bright gives me relief in knowing that while she has selective mutism (where she wouldn't talk in school), didn't mean she was going to have problems learning.

Knowing a number would be great in making sure she's advocated for. Right now she has an IEP for her selective mutism. In time, I'd like to see it changed to a GIEP, because the selective mutism and selective mutism is only a part of her story. I don't want that to eclipse the fact that she is very bright and already reading 3 years above her age level. What's going to happen when she's in kindergarten next year? I'd like to see her grade skipped too, since she really should have been in K this year (but had a late in the year birthday).

So, yeah, it's not for bragging rights that I want to know a number, that's for sure.

 

[joensally]

I think others have covered a lot of ground. I'll only add that without the gifted label my son would have spent his kindie year with one of those gawd awful smilie stickie charts/behaviour mod programs at school, would have lived in the hall outside the principal's office, and I'd have been under major pressure to medicate. He still spent some time with the principal

, fortunately he found her office "calming."

If he didn't have the gifted label (and he's actually 2E), it would have been easy to simply see him as a brat and difficult. With the gifted label, we can start to piece together what he needs, as opposed to focussing on what he's not doing to comply with standard expectations.

(we're homeschooling this year)

 

[Mary]

I have no idea what my son's IQ is, but the big deal for us is that I expect my child to be learning and applying himself in school. I don't think it's too much to ask for. Spending a day in a class being presented things that he mastered 2-3 years ago will not cut it. Just as many kids in the class are having to apply themselves and meet challenges, I expect my child to have those experiences too. Overall, being 'gifted' or whatever you want to call it is no big deal, but I expect accomodations to be made. It really burns me up. We have been dealing with these issues since preschool. I worry that being in a situation where you are beyond what your peers are doing day after day is not good for him. Not only is it mind-numbing but it fosters perfectionism and on the flip side laziness.

I fell through the gifted cracks as a child as well. I was labeled early on and I started tuning out in about 5th grade. I'm suprised nobody did anything or noticed. I made all sorts of Fs through middleschool and high school (graduated in the 3rd quarter of my highschool class) yet woke up at 18, managed to get into a good university by the skin of my teeth and went on to graduate in top 3%, get into vet school, etc. Let me tell you, it was a rocky road to travel, filled with insecurities and wasted time (and probably many wasted brain cells). It really makes me sad to think of all of that time wasted and all of the darkness that I had to go through to get there. I do not want that for my kids.

 

[alexsam]

I always think... Would someone ask this question of people with kids on the other end of the curve? Wouldn't a parent of a child in the 1% tile on anthing want to know how to best address their childs' enducational and emotional needs? Would people not see that they may need special attention in some areas? Its not about bragging. Its about seeing your child for who they are, loving them no matter what, and doing the best you can by understanding what life is like for them. I'm sure it is the exact same philosophy for all parents with children who push the limits of "normal".