let me preface this by saying i grew up in a violent household... that doesn't excuse any of what i've done but keep in mind when you grow up around so much anger, it's hard to change the patterns of behaviour that you've grown up around.
i've spanked my son twice, and i've smacked his face four or five times after he had bit me or hit me.
[please note though that is 4 / 5 times EVER not all at once... not that that's good but i guess it's a little less bad.
] i am so ashamed, and i felt sooo bad after each time. i cried, and i gave him hugs and asked for his forgiveness, and we sat down together and talked and i explained that hitting is never, never ok and mommy should never have done that.
(( shame ))
those were just those last resort moments when i felt like i was just crazy, i mean absolutely nuts
, and i just couldn't handle it any more and snapped.
i yell a lot, and i get loud even when i'm not totally upset, just when i'm excited or even getting annoyed.
: i hate yelling but i think it's worlds better than hitting. one time i felt like i was about to snap ~ i could tell i was **almost** at that breaking point, and i screamed at my son to get in his room, so loud it made my throat hurt (
) but i did it so i wouldn't hit him, because i knew if he stayed out next to me one more second
i was going to smack him or say something to him i would very badly regret.
then after he was in his room i went outside and got some fresh air, and calmed down... went back inside and gave him a hug and apologized for yelling at him and explained how i had been feeling ~ that it was *mommy's* feelings that made her yell. [why did i send him to his room first? because otherwise he would have followed me
outside and trust me, a whining, screaming 4 y.o. following you outside when you need some fresh air and quiet only makes things a 1000x worse.]
i've found it is invaluable to me to take a mental step back and visualize ~ really visualize
~ the situation from his perspective. then i remember how i felt and saw the world when *i* was four... it really helps me deal when his spirited 4 y.o. behaviour starts making me crazy.