[Wildflower]

So my almost 2 year old is suddenly saying "Baby's!" "Baby's" as in, this is mine, about everything she touches, wants, or sees anyone else having. I've heard that this is a normal developmental stage, but if any of you smart mommies know what's behind the possessiveness, psychologically/developmentally speaking, I'd be really interested to know. Is it something about having discovered her own power? Her own separate identity?<br><br>
I've been just giving whatever she wants to her, like moving if she proclaims my chair "Baby's," because I don't really care and it seems easier. I've also been talking a lot about taking turns, like "Oh, you'd like a turn with mom's chair?" or, after she's finished, we can have a turn. I read that 'turns' is an easier concept than 'sharing' for them to grasp, although I'm not sure if she's grocking the turn thing or not.<br><br>
But am I doing her a disservice by giving her her way? Teaching bad manners or something? I'm just assuming its something she'll grow out of, and I just need to introduce the turn thing and wait it out. And of course, give her empathy for the sad feelings when she isn't able to lay claim to something she wants....<br><br>
Another part of this is that out in public amound friends, I'm feeling a little embarressed when she does the "Mine!" thing. I was so cultured to be polite, and part of me can't help feeling that this is rude behavior that exposes me as an ineffective mother. I know this is way of base, but any ideas on how I could laugh it off when in public?<br><br>
Insights much appreciated!

 

[USAmma]

It's a developmental thing. I just pointed out a lot of things that were mine and dh's too, to teach her that not everything was hers. Like daddy's jeans and dd's jeans. Mommy's cup and Abi's cup. She got it pretty quickly.<br><br>
Darshani

 

[MikkiG]

It's completely normal but hard sometimes as a mom. With Kate we often correct her if she says something is hers and it isn't but she's caught on pretty quick. She'll walk around and say "mine", "bubba's (brother's), mama's or daddy's. She's really into classfying things now. We give in sometimes but we also correct her if she is completely off base.

 

[Mallory]

I agree that it is a developmental stage. To realize that she is a seperate person and can even have her own things is a big step. To go from an 12 month old that can't walk, talk, potty, get a drink, pull up her pants, open the door, ect. to a 2 1/2 year old that can do these things and more, not only requires a lot of physical growth in a year and a half, but also a lot of emotional and intellectual growth.<br><br>
She has recently realized that she is not in control of very many things. Back at 12 or 15 months she didn't realize that she could be in control or that she wasn't in control- that wasn't a part of reality that she could even see. Now she is starting to understand that all day long you do things- sit in a chair, read a book, get your own food- and sometimes (or maybe a lot of the time<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">) when she sees you doing those things she is starting to realize "I can do that too" which often leads her to copy your actions- in other words she wants your chair.<br><br>
Another realization she has had in the past few months is that you don't understand her. When she was an infant she babbled and cooed and you talked back and she thought you were having a conversation. Then one day (and for most kids the realization really seems to happen overnight around 18 mo.) she woke up and you didn't understand her. She made noises that to her meant something and she can keep all that in her mind long enough to also realize you didn't make the right response. Can you imagine if you woke up and you were the only one who spoke english? Agggghhhh!<br><br>
So she started working on some of the words that you say. And when she gets one that works it often has multiple meanings. Usually most kids have a word like "out", "stuck", "tight" or similar that can be used for "I don't want in my carseat", "I want to go outside", "Put me down", ect. And when they say "stuck" standing at the front door we usually understand and reply to the question they can't say yet. But those words don't set us off the way "mine" can. So even though they may do the same thing with "mine", using it to mean "Can I sit in that chair", "Can I look at that book", "Wow, this is a cool _____", "Look they have such fascinating ______" we think that is not yours, that is rude, ect.<br><br>
If it doesn't matter to me, I usually just swich spots, let them look at my book, whatever. But before I move, I will repeat what I think they really mean. So when she is standing at my chair saying "mine", I will say "Can I have your chair, please" or just "Chair, please". In my experience they really do want ways to express themselves and you don't even ever have to say "Say this"- they hear the more specific words and want to say them.<br><br>
I don't think you are doing her a disservice. I think that personal property is something most older children and adults understand. I think that by doing what she asks when you can, especially for unimportant things, you are teaching a much more important lesson that not every one gets. In our family the chairs are everyones, and <i>we do what another person in our family asks us</i>. I know that there are times I ask my boys to do something for me that they must think is silly, and at those times if they just quickly help me the fact that I had to move to another chair earlier is worth it to me.<br><br>
I would laugh it off (especially if you have given her more specific words) by saying something along the lines of "It sure is amazing how much information they can pack into the 7 words they know."<br><br>
Sorry this got so long, I hope it helps!

 

[Aster]

That's an excellent explanation Mallory...i had never thought about it that way.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">

 

[Wildflower]

thanks everyone! And to mallory in particular--I will start saying the words that I think she means as you suggested--that's just the sort of tool I was hoping for!!! And now I feel like I have a more concrete understanding of why I was intuitively wanting to 'give her my chair', etc. To demonstrate the value--in this family we help each other whenever were able. Thanks for breaking that down for me, Mallory!

 

[justmama]

Wow mallory. GREAT post!<br>
Meg

 

[Ellie'sMom]

What a terrific explanation, Mallory!<br><br>
Please archive this thread when the time comes!

 

[Mallory]

Thank you!<br>
I am glad it helped, typos and all!

 

[Dot.mom]

When dd was in the thick of the "mines", I also tried to give her anything reasonable, even if it wasn't hers and rephrased the "mine" using the words "turn" and "share" as much as possible. Examples:<br><br>
yes, that is yours. Thanks for sharing with me (or giving me a turn)<br><br>
That's mommy's and I am happy to give you a turn!<br><br>
That's the dog's toy. I'm sorry, she can't share right now. Let's wait for the next turn!<br><br>
(Regarding an untouchable pet medication): Ohhhhhhh that belongs to the cat and she really can't share. But maybe she would share her yarn ball with you!<br><br>
Your playmate is not ready to share that right now. Maybe you could find another toy to share with her?

 

[Nikki Christina]

DD is 27 months & the only thing she has ever declared "Mine" was money..<br><br>
um.. kinda worried about that girl <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">