Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,337 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I might get in hot water because I am sure some of the folks who visit here know who I am -- but oh well.<br><br>
What is up the the "AP" community in Maryland??<br><br>
I tried going to an AP type play group a few times. Very few mamas showed up at all. I was one of 2 that came the last time I went. I have tried to get to know the small group of mamas and socialize, and it was like talking to a tree.<br><br>
Then there is the local LLL. They seem like they would be a great place to meet mamas. And granted I only went to one meeting, it was after a snow storm, I was one of 3 people there <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> BUT -- come to find out from a mama who is a regular, they have a Monday playgroup and then a Wednesday book club.<br>
Cool, I will keep that in mind. BUT -- you can't go to the Wednesday bookclub unless you are "asked" to go. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh"><br>
Yup, it's a select group of mamas who screen you. You have to go to Mondays enough times that they can check you out and then you can be invited to Wednesday <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bigeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bigeyes"><br><br>
It's like an LLL freaking SORORITY! No Thanks!!!<br><br>
We have been going to swim class for 6 months now. We have only met ONE other baby boy that is also intact. I have been the ONLY BF'ing mama there in 6 sesions of class. All the babies come and go in buckets.<br><br>
I tried another AP type playgroup. I was the only slinging mama.<br>
Tons of baby buckets and crib talk and so on.<br>
And the hosting mama and I stuck up a conversation. She asked about my birth and I said I regretfully had a c-section due to breech. I intended to due the birth center, etc. She said, oh don't worry I had a c/s too. I asked her what happened that she ended up with a c/s? She said, nothing I just wanted one.<br>
:LOL<br>
I get it! We're at an AP playgroup and you WANTED a c/s, that's funny! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/footinmouth.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="footinmouth"><br>
Nope. She went on to say how babies birthed vaginally have "funny cone shaped heads" and she didn't want her baby to have a funny shaped head, and asked her doc if she could just save the trouble and schedule a c/s!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"><br><br>
Ok so I don't go to that group anymore either.<br><br>
I just feel like everywhere I go, whether it's an AP gathering of mamas or just regular mamas I am the only slinging, BF'ing, co-sleeping, eco-minded... and fine LIBERAL mama (though that's not an overriding issue... I have friends from all sorts of political backgrounds)<br><br><br>
I KNOW there must be others. Am I looking in the wrong places?<br>
HELP!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,302 Posts
I may be in one of the AP playgroups you mentioned.<br><br>
I've come pretty close to giving up on the playgroup. I worked hard for a year to keep the playgroup going. We have a lot of members. But, participation is very iffy. And no one wants to organize anything.<br><br>
My son is almost 3 years old. I no longer have a need to get together with a group of AP moms to get AP support the way I once did. I was keeping the group going mostly for other people who still have that need. But, I guess there aren't many who have that need, or perhaps they just don't want to do any work to make the playgroup happen.<br><br>
I've also found that with the newest influx of members, we picked up some not-so-AP members. That bothers me (and a few other members), and I'm just not interested in dealing with that at this time in my life. I mean, how do you tell someone that they're not as AP as they thought they were - even after they read what AP is? I don't go to playgroups to hear people brag about the non-AP, unnatural things they do. If I wanted that, I'd rejoin the MOMS Club.<br><br>
At this point, I'm happy with making small playdates for my son, rather than dealing with organizing playgroups around a large group's schedules when those people won't even show up. My son does better with fewer people anyway (calmer, plays more nicely), so it works for us. I feel bad for the people who really want an AP playgroup right now, but can't find one. You could try emailing someone from one of the playgroups whose child is close to yours in age, and do a playdate. Do that with a few different people, and you can figure out who you want to hang out with. If enough of you get along, you can create your own playgroup.<br><br>
I can't remember the last time I bothered going to my playgroup. I got tired of being the only one to show up at the playground. Or cleaning my house, just for no one to come. I have better things to do with my time.<br><br><br>
Oh, and I tried the LLL playgroup as well. I found it wasn't a good fit for me either.<br><br>
There is an AP group in Baltimore. I can PM you the info, if you like. That may be a bit far for you, though.<br><br>
I really miss the MDC group we used to have... Most of them moved onto other things, however...<br><br>
I really do feel your frustration.<br><br>
And, since I'm pretty darn sure you know who I am, feel free to email me anytime if you want to complain or talk or get together. Our kids are a couple of years apart, but we can still hang out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
939 Posts
hi boatbaby & lotusdebi--I'm not sure where you all are, but I'm in Howard County.<br>
I haven't been able to check out our local AP group, but they sound interesting from the mailing list <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">. I hope I won't be disappointed when I finally am able to go.<br>
Our LLL group is very large. In some ways it's too big because we spend so much time on intros and burning questions that it leaves little time for discussion and socializing.<br>
I am a member of a local UU church, and just based on our mission and purposes, you'd think we'd attract a lot of AP/NFL parents, but I went to a parenting class recently and, well, I'm not at liberty to go into details but it was sad. Ezzo actually came up <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br>
I'm more crispy than crunchy, but I'm crunchy enough that I feel out of place in more mainstream groups. It's frustrating trying to find friends with similar ideals, especially when you're busy being a mom. and I struggled with the whole "making friends" thing before I became a mom, so.... I feel your pain.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,843 Posts
I went to an ap meeting once. There was a woman there with a shirt that said on the front 'BIRTH" and on the back something like "Isn't my body wonderful?" (Very cool, albeit OT)<br><br>
Haven't made any playgroups, cuz I work, but the group was nice & well attended. Maybe b/c it was closer to the city?<br><br>
I went to LLL once, too, and it was great, nursing toddlers and everything <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
45 Posts
The AP group in Baltimore can be found at <a href="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/baltap/" target="_blank">http://groups.yahoo.com/group/baltap/</a><br><br>
I don't know if this is one of the ones you have already visited. It is what it is, but you are welcome to check it out.<br><br>
It can be frustrating to feel like the only AP parent around, but I don't think it is possible to find a group of people that you are going to completely agree with--even in the "small" world of AP. Besides, AP means different things to different people.<br><br>
It makes me sad when attachment parenting becomes a kind of test where you have to do a whole list of things to qualify. Frankly, in this screwed up culture mothers who are trying to do any of the AP practices are brave and probably have their hearts in the right place. I'm not saying this as a critique of your original rant specifically, but as a general observation.<br><br>
Lotusdebi had excellent advice--if the group scene turns you off, then try to find a few people you can meet up with individually. It can take time to get to know the group and the people in it though, certainly longer than one meeting. Yes, the people in AP playgroups can seem chronically disorganized, opinionated and standoffish just like people anywhere, but with the added complication that most of us are sleep deprived, overworked and completely focused on our children. I think there are friends out there and you will find them.<br><br>
Nina
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,725 Posts
The Takoma Park AP group seems fairly focused on what I would consider to be core AP principles.<br><br><a href="http://www.takoma-api.org/" target="_blank">http://www.takoma-api.org/</a><br><br>
Slings are everywhere, almost all members co-sleep, extended breastfeeding is practiced by pretty much everyone, etc. I think you'd find it a good fit, if you're anywhere near Takoma Park. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I think I'm probably the least AP-oriented person I've met there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,337 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hey everyone --<br><br>
Thanks for all of the thoughts and suggestions. I have been meaning to respond to each individually, but I am way behind on a work deadline and shouldn't even be posting!<br><br>
I am in Annapolis -- but I don't mind wandering elsewhere to meet and greet.<br>
I agree that it seems the "playgroup" scene is not for us. I guess meeting other like minded mamas and trying to get together whenever would work better.<br><br>
We have a bunch of other baby friends that are very "mainstream" but my DS still has a ball playing with them -- it just gets tiresome when I am constantly asked when I will wean... when he will sleep in his own bed... and so on <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Most of our friends don't have kids (by choice) and what's funny is those folks are the most supportive of our parenting choices.<br><br>
HERE IS A QUESTION: Be honest mamas. I have the paranoid feeling that other mamas are hesitant about getting together with us because we live on a boat? Would you be? Am I being paranoid? Just a thought... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br>
I always suggest meeting elsewhere (park, museum, so on) just in case. Our "mainstream" friends who have babes are totally boat/ water/ travel people -- but not AP AT ALL. And it seems the AP mamas I meet are stand offish about the boat/ water/ travel thing...<br>
dunno?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
842 Posts
Dude, you live on a boat? That's awesome. Seriously, I would love to hear more about that. We'd like to live nearer annapolis- my partner works down there, but we'd pretty much have to live in a tent if. That's some pricey livin you all got going on down there.<br><br>
We went to an ap playgroup in baltimore a couple of times, and it wasn't so fun. So much stress over who was ap-est.<br><br>
Kaly
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,302 Posts
I think the living on a boat thing probably does affect some peoples perceptions of you.<br><br>
Honestly, I think it's interesting and cool. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br>
And I'm interested in finding out more about how that works for you!<br><br>
Slightly OT:<br>
My husband and I are taking our son out on his first canoe trip early next month. We haven't been rafting, canoeing, or kayaking since before I was pregnant, and we hope to raise him with an appreciation for paddling. We just have no idea what we're doing with a toddler on a boat!<br><br>
Anyway, I have noticed (and I realize that this is a stereotype, and there many individuals who don't fit it) that in Anne Arundel Co. (where I also live) there is a lot of financial competition. From comparing vehicles to house sizes, there seems to be a lot of concern about money. I didn't come across this attitude so much in P.G. County. I wonder if you're coming across some of that, too. And people don't know where you fit in their whole comparision thing since you live on a boat, and not in a McMansion or whatever. In other words, you're different. And they don't know what to do with you. I have definitely come across some snobbery in A.A. County - even in AP circles.<br><br>
In any case, I hope you can find some cool, supportive people to hang out with! Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,843 Posts
living on a boat sounds really interesting to me. It would be so cool to be able to travel so easily. I grew up very close to Lake Michigan and there's something amazing and soothing and wonderful about having water close by.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,302 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>zipperump-a-zoomum</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hey, have fun on your trip, lotusdebi.<br>
Where are you going? Sounds fun!<br><br>
Kaly</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
Thanks!<br><br>
Since it's DS's first canoe trip, we'll just be doing a simple flat-water thing. Probably Quiet Waters Park or someplace like that.<br><br>
We'll branch out from there...<br><br>
I love your sig line, btw! ITA with you on that!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,337 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks everyone for your support!<br><br>
And ya know LotusDebi - sadly I think you may be right. We don't have a house and all of the "stuff" that one could check out and decide how much money we have, what type of people we are, and so on. We could be floating trailer trash, we could be really wealthy eccentrics... truth is we're pretty normal except for where we live.<br><br>
One mama asked me about what our plans were on the boat. I told her we were upgrading and outfitting the boat, saving money, and waiting for DS to grow up some. Hopefully in 5 or so years we'll take off again (DH and I spent a year in the islands pre-DS) and hopefully cruise the Med and homeschool DS -- but we weren't 100% sure where we'll go or where we'll end up.<br><br>
She said -- "Oh I guess we're just a little pit stop in your big adventure then, huh?"<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh"><br><br>
sigh.<br><br>
Sounds like I should hang out in Baltimore more!? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,725 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>boatbaby</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">She said -- "Oh I guess we're just a little pit stop in your big adventure then, huh?"</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I think the fact that you live on a boat is really cool -- but I know I definitely hesitate to get to know people who I don't think are committed to staying in the area for the long term.<br><br>
It's just hard to invest the time and energy in developing a relationship, only to have the family move away. Of course people's plans change, so even folks you think are in it for the long haul wind up moving away, but I try to avoid setting myself up for that kind of heartache on purpose.<br><br>
Though I will say, I've only ever felt a hesitation to get to know people who sounded like they'd be in the area for less than 2 years -- I probably wouldn't feel that way about someone who was planning to leave in 5 years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
269 Posts
Hi,<br>
The Harford Co AP group is active! We e-mail a lot and do weekly playgroups. It is true that sometimes not a lot of people show up because everyone gets busy or scheduals conflict. Lots of slinging, bf, co-sleeping, and even a few E.C.ers amoung us. Its far away from A.A. Co though (at any rate our site is <a href="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HCAttachedParents/" target="_blank">http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HCAttachedParents/</a> )<br><br>
During the summer I work in Crofton (respite work.) My son comes along. Contact me if you ever want to arrange a small play date!<br><br>
-Dawn
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
972 Posts
I was also going to mention the Takoma Park AP that a few others have mentioned. I've been to most meetings and they are definitely "AP". They have been trying to start up more playgroups and meetings, but it usually conflicts with our regular schedule. Really though, I think it depends on the part of MD you live in. Montgomery County is one of the more liberal counties around. I don't know how Annapolis would compare - my guess would be a touch more conservative (since most of MD is at least a touch more conservative). I see tons of slinging and extended breastfeeding moms in Takoma Park and Silver Spring.<br><br>
As far as living on a boat, I'd personally be hestitant since the sight of small boats make me sea sick - but that's my issue. I certainly would meet someone near their boat, but probably just not on it. (thanks grandma - who made me cross over that sea-sickness line as a kid). But considering how Annapolis has a ton of boats, it would seem less odd.<br><br>
My closer mom friends don't consider themselves AP (I don;t even know if they know what it is) but they do have AP tendencies. I do think they are all good parents though and they provide a nice compliment to my own DDs. Ultimately. I think it is a matter of just finding a few others who you mesh with enough to enjoy playdates.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
539 Posts
That sucks!!<br>
I don't think I've ever been to a AP group before. LOL Probably b/c I hate joining groups... I did use to go to LLL and always enjoyed that. But any time I join a group, I regret it lol<br><br><br>
Can anyone tell me more about the Tacoma Park one? Are these groups normally little babies and moms or do any of them have homeschooled kids like me that they bring? I feel like I can never go anywhere b/c I have the older kids around(although 6 isn't really OLD). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I just joined the Tacoma Park yahoogroup, so maybe I can get more info there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
539 Posts
And let me just say... I think it is AWESOME that you live on a boat.....<br>
I wish I could live on one with my family and just sail away..... out of this area.<br><br>
SIGH<br>
Maybe one day!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
972 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>catholicmama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That sucks!!<br>
I don't think I've ever been to a AP group before. LOL Probably b/c I hate joining groups... I did use to go to LLL and always enjoyed that. But any time I join a group, I regret it lol<br><br><br>
Can anyone tell me more about the Tacoma Park one? Are these groups normally little babies and moms or do any of them have homeschooled kids like me that they bring? I feel like I can never go anywhere b/c I have the older kids around(although 6 isn't really OLD). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I just joined the Tacoma Park yahoogroup, so maybe I can get more info there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
While it seems like many who goto the meeting have younger children, I do know a few have older homeschooled children - ages 5-7 or so. Most of the leaders have kids that are in the 3-4 range.
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
Top