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When a friend needs to leave

556 Views 5 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  Lucy VanPelt
What do you do when a friend "needs" to leave her relationship, but won't? I feel like, hey, my circumstances were awful, but I left. I understand that some women do need to stay, for financial or other reasons. But it's so hard to be supportive of someone when they really have no options. I'm a "fixer", and I find it hard to just sit and listen. Being a single mom is tough, but I soooo prefer it to be being in the disaster of a relationship that I was. I guess it's not same with everyone.

Am I making sense here or just rambling uncontrollably? Any advice?
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I understand what you are saying. nothing really to do except to try to get her to see what a bad situation she's in
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well, it depends what is wrong with the relationship. If it's physical or sexual abuse, I'd find it hard to continue to listen. This would be after I helped her find all the resources needed to make the "move". If it's emotional abuse, it depends. There is always another side to the story, you know.
Oh, he's terribly abusive. She went into a store for an hour and left her cell in the car, and he'd called 3 times to check up on her. Like all abusive relationships, the abuse level varies, which I guess is the only thing that makes it tolerable. She's left before, but gone back for many reasons. Of course, it took me more than one try, too.

It's hard to hear, especially since the situation she's in is so much worse than mine was. But I don't want to say "I can't listen to this anymore".
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Originally Posted by xenomama
reasons. Of course, it took me more than one try, too.

same here...I am married now but it took me 7 years to break free emotionally & mentally from my ex's abusive ways.

She's on her own path. I remember time and time again my family and friends would point out the abuse to me and I ignored them and kept going back. Today, I'm a strong woman for all I've been through...took some therapy, but it made me who I am. She's obviously on a path of her own and sometimes its hard to stand by and watch a friend be hurt in any way, especially when they choose to stay. All you can do is listen and be there. That's what a friend does.
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Yes, I think you just must remember that she's on her own path.

There is never any really "good" reason to stay in an abusive relationship and, yet, many of us have done so. She has to be ready to move on for herself. Some women get there after 4 months in a relationship, some it takes 25 years. It's her path and she has the right to suffer as she sees fit in this life.

Suffering can bring clarity. Wish her the best and send her love. You may be that rock that helps her climb out of her hole.
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