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and it's not a playmate or a friend or anything, how do you react? Today was the first day at our Music Together class, and ds was dancing around with everybody, and one of the other little boys came up and hit him on the head. Not hard, but enough so that ds stopped, put his hand on his head, and turned towards me, looking hurt. The other mom was right there, took the little boy's hand and apologized. So that was fine, but I didn't know exactly what to say to ds, who was obviously looking at me for some validation. What I said was 'He hit you, I know. I think he was just trying to say hello, but he shouldn't have hit you."<br><br>
I just felt that that was kind of weak, and didn't really know what to say, especially with the mom and little boy standing right there.<br><br>
It wasn't a huge deal, but I'm just wondering what someone else might have said.
 

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dd got punched in the face by a kid at the park a few weeks ago. the mom apologized but i didn't acknowledge her. i was too pissed.<br>
i held dd and talked about how the other kid hit her and hurt her and he was wrong, he was not a nice person, she was not doing anything bad, she did not deserve to be hit and i was very sorry that i wasn't close enough to stop it before it happened. i also told her that the other kid was very angry and upset and didn't know how to say it and only knew how to hit, and that if she was angry and upset it was not okay to hit people but that she should tell me instead.<br><br>
not exactly textbook AP, but at least i didn't get into a battle with the other mom. my own mother has threatened nuns who were rough with her kids, so i think i'm making progress at defeating our family patterns. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Wow, this is timely. Last night after soccer practice ds#1 started playing kick the soccer ball with a boy who looked about 6 yo who was playing unsupervised in the park. I went with ds#2 to talk to the coach for a minute. In the time it took for me to walk the equivelent of maybe half a football field, there and back, the kids are rolling on the ground and as I approached the 6 yo oldstarted punching ds#1. They weren't "fighting", and ds#1 wasn't hitting back, but the 6 yo was hitting just hard enough to be hurting ds#1 somewhat (no tears, but grumbling later that is hurt). I think they fell down playing and were wrestling around, and then 6 yo got out of control...I don't think it was intentional or malicious, but it was completely inappropriate. I said in a very firm voice (almost yelling) "NO, we do not hit. It is not allowed". The boy seems surprised <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">:, but got up and walked off. Ds#1 got up and we left.<br><br>
On the way back to the car I told ds#1 that I was very proud that he didn't hit back, but that he needs to be more assertive in telling him to stop if he wants him to stop. He said that he said stop, but the kid didn't listen. I explained that the child seem to have boundary issues and that it wasn't good behavior, but beyond that what do you say? I don't think he was a "bad" kid and I don't think he was really trying to hurt ds#1 (who was a good 4 inches taller and had about 20 pounds on him), but it is obvious to me that he is living with some very poor parenting and probably has siblings that beat on him (illustrated by the lack of supervision and the nature of his form of "play"). But I can't really tell my 8 yo what is nothing more than speculation.<br><br>
Grrr...it is so frustrating...
 

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I think you handled it fine, Oceanbaby. I usually ask my child, "Do you want to say anything to the child who hit you? If you want to tell him anything, I will hold your hand and help you." Sometimes my child will say, "Don't do it again!" Or "That hurt me!" Sometimes they will choose not to say anything at all.
 
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