Mothering Forum banner
1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I lost my baby boy on the 21-10-2008 (8 1/2 weeks ago) and i was just wondering if anyone can help me find out when i can start trying for another baby??

i had a c-section too, does that affect how long i can concieve again?

my partner won a holiday to vanuatu, which i want to go in late feb early march, is this too soon - or can we start trying in january??

i find it really hard to talk to anyone - as i dont really have many friends and dont really talk to family since my baby went to heaven...

people tell me to wait a few years - but since i was soo close to having him here with me i cant wait that long!! i feel as though im in limbo and the only way to get happy again is to be the mum i wanted to be.... and having a babys nursery all set up and ready for bub is making me want it so much more..

i feel like its my fault my baby isnt here- even though everyone says it isnt, i cant help but feel since he passed away in my tummy its ultimately my fault.

i miss my little boy, he truly was my best friend, sometimes i think my only friend...

can somebody please let me know if its too soon to start, i feel that im ready, but i need opinion from other women who have been here.

thank you for your time [sorry if i;ve bothered anyone]

noveena
mummy to baby seth
:
- up in heaven with the angels [21-10-2008] mummy loves you very much!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,557 Posts
I don't really know anything about trying again after a c-section (and I know you will get some good answers from some of the ladies on here).

But I couldn't read your post without responding. NO, it is NOT your fault. You gave him a warm, comfortable, loving home for his entire life. You protected him from everything you possibly could have. That is all anyone can do. We can't determine the outcomes we have--if we could, none of us would have to visit this board.

And no, of course you aren't bothering anyone. That's what this board is for. Post whatever you need to. I know I've even posted rants (I'm not saying your post is one, because it isn't) and I've gotten great responses.

I am so sorry about the loss of your little one.
You and your family are in my thoughts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,871 Posts
Noveena, I'm glad to see you back here. First of all, NEVER think you are bothering anyone! We are all here on the same craptastic journey - and without one anohter's support life would be a whole lt worse. Second - YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT! Please don't do that to yourself.. we all loved our babies so much, and you like all of us would have done ANYTHING to protect your little guy. Finally, I had a c-section too.. when I went for a preconception visit with a high risk OB, she said that the risk of getting pregnant again is so small, that she couldn't really tell me to wait. Her suggestion was not having a due date similar to Dresden's.. but hey, she's an OB -not a therapist, right? I feel I am ready to conceive again. Dresden has been gone from my body for 3 months and I'm hoping to get pregnant this month! I've seen quite a few people online getting pregnant 3 months after a loss - c-section or not.. that can put the due dates very close, but as you said.. we've already waited SOOO long to hold and snuggle our babies, now we have to wait another 9 months (plus however long it takes to get pregnant!) on top of that for our rainbow babies! It sucks! But please never think you're alone... come here often, we can be the support you need. You don't have to walk in those shoes alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,479 Posts
Hi Noveena
*hugs*

Whoever told you wait "a few years" obviously doesn't have a clue, do they... Just flat out ignore them! A few years...sheesh...

Anyway that aside, I am waiting three months, and this next ovulation we are going of it because I reckon that's close enough. This last one I thought we might have gone and done it, but then my luteal phase was so short that had anything happened, it wouldn't have had a proper chance anyway. That's hormone regulation for you! Hopefully next month that will correct itself. Or next time I ovulate at least. That'll be about 12 weeks out and good enough for me!

I know how you feel. Let's start making sure you're taking care physically and getting ready and treating yourself right
Taking prenatals still? Vitamin E and fish oil is great for healing - and keep taking you iron for a bit - because that iron is so fun to take
Also, vit C is a good immune suppliment and aids in healing also. We want our uteruses to be healed like they were never cut in the first place


This isn't your fault. Look at the lovely women on here - you're just one of them - one of the lovely women this happened to that also didn't deserve it. I'm so glad you're here - this is such a healing place
You can talk to us whenever you like. Something to consider might be to post your story in as much detail as you can in a new post on the front page, because that can help make sense of some things, and gets those ghosts and fears out of you. I've found it very healing to write my story out as many times as possible - at first it's can be scary and emotional, and very sad, but the more you write it the more it comes out of you and gets shared - even the graphi, scary parts. I don't know if you ever read my Josie's birth - the first post on the subject - but I wasn't censoring anything! Now, I can talk about it and not lose it. There aren't any skeletons in my closet and I feel free from the burden of having that story and those events locked up tight inside me.

Plus the women on here will give you a ton of help, and so much support. It's so nice to be able to go somewhere and have it be fine to be totally honest with all the people. Nobody is going to freak out or not know how to handle you (or any of us) here, and we all have something in common so it makes it that much easier to work through it with one another.

Anyway so there we go! *HUGE hugs* XXXX
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,897 Posts
I don't know if this helps... My mother had C-Sections with both of her pregnancies and I was born exactly a year and 28 days after my brother. That means she was pregnant again within 3-4 months of my brothers birth.

Good luck, I wish you all the best.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,565 Posts
I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy. It was not your fault! I know that we know this in our heads but sometimes our hearts are a little slow to understand. If we have someone to blame, that means we have control in a situation where things are really out of our hands. Big hugs to you. Be kind to yourself, mama.

When you conceive again really depends on how well healed you feel you are and how you want your next birth to go. If you want a VBAC, I would suggest that you wait until you can have at least 18 months between births. If you don't mind having another section, I would give your body at least three months to heal before trying. Of course, women do go on to VBAC with less than 18 months between births, but they have a slightly higher risk of rupture and it can make finding supportive birth attendants more difficult. More conservative people will even tell you two years between births, but I don't think the statistical difference between 18 and 24 months is that big of a deal. It just depends on what risks you are willing to accept.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank You Everyone!!!

we are going to try again in Late feb early march (around 4 months after mt c-section) and we are going to try fall pregnant on our holiday to vanuatu [yay!] so hopefully being stress free and more relaxed will help me to concieve.

i think its going to be all about timing - my partner works away two weeks at a time so my last pregnancy was a fluke - must have done the deed when i was fertile, so planning for my partner to be home and when i ovulate at the same time will be tricky.. But im going to book the holiday for my "fertile week" 1st week of March, which funny enough is around the same time Seth was concieved this year...

so many uncanny things have happened thoough, my mum has dreams constantly that i'll have twins next time, twin boys - and twins run in the family so its only a matter of time that either myself or my sisters have a set. My partners sister saw a pyshic - who told her to tell me (mind u she didnt mention our loss) not to worry - because there will be 'babies' next year... The midwife at the hospital told me the day i left "you'd be suprised how many girls that lose a bub come back the next year and thier babies are due on the same day"

i also would like to tell you a short story a friend told me - when he was 4 [he is 26 now..] his mum lost a baby girl - he didnt know - he was too young, but the night she lost her, he woke up crying and ran into his parents room saying ' mum i had a dream u had a baby girl namrd Catlyn, and you put her on the beach and washed her away'.... 13 years later - my friends parents had another little girl - whom they named catlyn.... spooky... maybe but what he was trying to tell me is that my baby will come back to me, maybe the timing wasn't right - i dont know, but just hearing that gave me a little hope, of course my next baby will be Seths brother or sister, but im pretty sure he'll live through his siblings.. if you can understand that..

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and reading my post, and i'll keep coming on here too.. good luck to everyone on having more babies - ill have my fingers crossed for all of us!!

Noveena
mummy to baby Seth
:[21-10-2008]FOREVER IN MUMMY & DADDYS HEART
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,107 Posts
We're TTC around there too. Although it's sad that there are so many of us here trying again after later losses, I'm glad that we're not all facing this alone.

It's good to hear you sounding so positive - and I hope that lots of BDing (baby dancing!) on holiday is just the ticket. It's funny you should mention twin boys - I've definitely sensed another little boy in my future and, just recently, had a feeling about twin boys. Having said that, a single living, breathing baby - male or female would be just peachy by me!
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top