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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Not sure this belongs here but yesterday we all went to this WaterFire event in Rhode Island. It was really packed and hot outside. DS (17mo) wanted me to hold him so I did for a while. But I started getting exhausted, even with the sling, but he didn't want to go to DH. At some point DH just took him because he was feeling really bad for me but DS was crying so bad.
Not sure what the best way to have handled this would have been. He's still so young, so it's hard to explain, mommy is tired now etc.
 

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That is tough! My dd has gone thru many mama only phases and it can be really draining. I don't know what the best answer is but when I was in similar situations I found a quiet place for us to sit and rest for a bit with a snack and nursing. I also tried sharing with dh when she wasn't over-tired or hungry and then she was more likely to go happily. But once she is sleepy or not feeling well only mama will do even now that she is older. For us, it is easier overall now that she is older.

Another thing I did to get a little space was to leave her home with dh for a couple hours...either during a nap or when she was full and rested and happy. I had to have a little time to re-fill!
 

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I think in a new place with a lot of stimulation he may really, really just need you. If it was at home and you were tired, you could explore other options such as trying DH getting him engaged in another activity, taking him for a walk so that you are out of eyesight, etc, but in this situation it sounds like he just really, really needed YOU. I'm not sure there is any way around that in situations like the one you were in, except to plan on shorter outings, maybe plan for a lot of rest periods where you can sit with him on your lap, moving off to the side where there are fewer people until he feels confident again. I find that DD is willing to let me put her down if there are no other people around and we are just sitting on the grass or something.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I didnt even think of it from that perspective...about how many people were around. He had just woken up and all around him were tons of people. I should've found a quieter place to let him relax for a bit. Thx for pointing that out. I think we were so in the moment that we forgot to sit down for a second and take a rest.
 

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When we go places we bring along a bag of entertainments we can whip out when needed. I would try having your DH whip out something super appealing like bubbles, or play-doh, a role of sticky tape, a tape measure, a book, a ball of yarn, or maybe a food item such as a little bag of almonds, etc. to get your DS's attention with, and then your DS could go see daddy to play with it. The more novel the item is, the better this tends to work.

If I were really exhausted, or ill, and this wasn't working, I think I would have my DP take the baby anyway, and hope that s/he would forgive me and that I could do better the next time s/he was really wanting to stay with me.

When our 10mo DD wants me, she will go with DP if she can still see me. With my DS, DP had to have some times with me not there for him to be able to come up with his own baby soothing tricks. If I was present it made it harder. I was impressed with how creative DP was at coming up with things to soothe DS. It made me think that I tended to be a bit of a one-hit wonder when it came to baby soothing strategies (why do anything other than nurse when nursing works--YKWIM?).

Your baby is a bit older. With a 17mo I think you can start dialogueing/trying to explain things in simple terms. Harvey Karp's explanation of "toddler-ease" helped me with this.

HTH!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
That's actually a REALLY good idea...so simple but so good. Wonder why I didn't think of it..lol. Yeah I'm sorta a "whip out the milkees" mama too. My DH constantly moans, "That's not fair! I don't get to do that! You should have to struggle to be more creative like me!"
 

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My ds1 is in a mom stage too. It's tough and dh gets frustrated. We find it is best for me not to be around if I can't be attentive. I leave ds's sight and dh can engage him in some activity then. Not perfect for your example though.
 

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OOOUF!
We had to deal with that one a lot too...
If 'sit and rest' or 'distraction' weren't an option or weren't working, sometimes dh would insist on taking her and make me go away (or just out of sight). He said that she ALWAYS calms down to being with him within 2 minutes if she can't see me, and if she doesnt he would call me to my cell. and yeah, sometimes I did it
.

-edited to remove a joke some might fine inappropriate. sorry
 

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ETA: sorry didn't mean to be a pooper, I was just having a rough day and it really didn't cross my mind it was a joke unitl msiddiqi pointed it out
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MissRubyandKen
Ok I'm confused
: I'm sure I just don't know what you mean? Right?

ETA: Maybe I'm naive, but is this really a casual recommendation to a mother of a young child to do a hard drug? From my perspective this seems inappropriate.
I'm assuming she's kidding
 

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yeah, I was kidding, sorry if anyone took it the wrong way. I took out the comment, and if anyone who quoted it wants to do the same, it might be a good idea.
I guess I'll have to censor my quirky sense of humor a little stronger in furture
 
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