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DH tries (sometimes), but just can't calm down. GD is not part of his life's story, and he just can't get with the program.
To be totally clear, though, he's much more intensely angry (yes, as a general rule he's angry) with DS#1, and is much calmer with the other children. When DS#1 was their age, DH was already yelling at him, and doesn't yell at the other ones now, so it's definitely an issue of the relationship with DH and DS#1, if that makes any sense to anyone else.
Anyway ... so what can I do, if I can't get DH to calm down with DS#1? What can I say to DS#1 when he's miserable and dejected about the way DH talks to him (DH is in a state of constant frustration/aggravation with dS#1, even if the little guy's done nothing wrong ... it's like DH is assumign something wrong is coming down the pike) ...
What do I say to DS? Without saying that his father is a jerk, of course. Is there anything to say? Is explaining to him that DH is easily frustrated a helpful or hurtful thing? Is saying that DH loves him and doesn't want him to [fill in behavior issue here] because he loves him, and just gets so angry and frustrated because he doesn't know how to help DS ... well, is saying that whole spiel helpful for DS? Or is it just confusing to him? Or does it make DS resent me, maybe seeming like I'm making excuses for DH?
Or am I just post-partum and hormonal and should I just eat a box of cookies and forget about it?
Okay, well, I am post-partum and hormonal, and maybe I'll eat the cookies, but I won't forget about it. This is getting awful around here ... and I worry about DS ... his self-esteem has to be hitting the floor, the way DH just constantly nags and picks at him ...
Am looking for useful suggestions or support from other people married to ... well, someone who can't get with the GD program. Am not looking to be told to leave DH. Thanks ...
To be totally clear, though, he's much more intensely angry (yes, as a general rule he's angry) with DS#1, and is much calmer with the other children. When DS#1 was their age, DH was already yelling at him, and doesn't yell at the other ones now, so it's definitely an issue of the relationship with DH and DS#1, if that makes any sense to anyone else.
Anyway ... so what can I do, if I can't get DH to calm down with DS#1? What can I say to DS#1 when he's miserable and dejected about the way DH talks to him (DH is in a state of constant frustration/aggravation with dS#1, even if the little guy's done nothing wrong ... it's like DH is assumign something wrong is coming down the pike) ...

What do I say to DS? Without saying that his father is a jerk, of course. Is there anything to say? Is explaining to him that DH is easily frustrated a helpful or hurtful thing? Is saying that DH loves him and doesn't want him to [fill in behavior issue here] because he loves him, and just gets so angry and frustrated because he doesn't know how to help DS ... well, is saying that whole spiel helpful for DS? Or is it just confusing to him? Or does it make DS resent me, maybe seeming like I'm making excuses for DH?

Or am I just post-partum and hormonal and should I just eat a box of cookies and forget about it?

Okay, well, I am post-partum and hormonal, and maybe I'll eat the cookies, but I won't forget about it. This is getting awful around here ... and I worry about DS ... his self-esteem has to be hitting the floor, the way DH just constantly nags and picks at him ...

Am looking for useful suggestions or support from other people married to ... well, someone who can't get with the GD program. Am not looking to be told to leave DH. Thanks ...