when did you start dating??

Im not dating yet, but Ive got a future prospect lined up.... . When I do start, though the dating game is for me- my kids will have no part in it and probably wont meet anyone until we're practically ready to move in together. They have a perfectly good father and Im not looking at replacing him...I dont think I'll be jumping into anything serious either...time to play around for a bit and discover myself again.
As for online dating.....nope- its not for me. I like to see someone and look them in the eye- then I know what sort of person Im dealing with right from the start- not someone who may or may not be who they say they are.

jenn, i have been separated for 2 years now and i am just getting to know myself. i still dont feel ready to date. i am though confused about this. in a way the flesh is wanting but intellectually i am on a path of self discovery and as it is i have so little time for all the things i want to do that i dont want to add anymore than what i already have. i just want to focus my time on getting to know myself better.

i would like to date but i'm ok if i dont. soo... i am not seeking it. i wont go down the online route. i have told the universe if dating is for me then just plop him down on my lap.

i am also kinda scared of dating too. what if i get too involved and start dreaming about him instead of taking care of my dd? what if i end up hurting him? what if i find he is too committed to me and really i dont feel the same? i would feel terrible rejecting him. there is just drama involved that i am not ready to face yet.

instead i would love, love, love to have some good friends.

but if this 'hunk' came out of nowhere and asked me out i am not going to say no either.

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I waited two years to date. I had a mountain of issues to take care of
myself. I dated two men that summer and then decided I still needed
more time to myself with dd. Both men wanted to "save" me. I didn't
need saving, I wanted to continue to build my life, myself. But I can see
how both of them could see how they could fill in the blanks in my life.
They were both lovely men, just not the right time.
I met both men online. But I knew the the first man slightly threw word
of mouth (our father's worked together) and we attended the same HS.

This summer my dd will be turning six. I am still not in a rush to date.
If I met somebody I would go out, but I am not actively looking.
To each their own, this thread has a wealth of advice.

My neighbor is a young widow. She has just started to online date.
If she has emailed back and forth and wants to meet up with a man
she invites them to play a game of golf. I thought that was brilliant.
She gets to do something she enjoys, while her son is in school (she
likes to keep her dating life private from him), and it's in public for
safety reasons. Now I don't like to golf, so I usually go for the casual
cup of coffee route to get a look at them.

I started dating a month later. I lived with my parents, so when my daughter would go to sleep, I'd go out with my friends and I met people that way. I was only 21, and the ex was crazy. It wasn't the most responsible thing to do, but what can I say? It was my way of getting over the ex as quickly as possible. I got into a relationship about 9 months after the breakup. The relationship lasted for 3 1/2 years. He was not the one, and I knew it, but let it drag on. It was a good relationship to be in at the time because he was a guy that the ex would not mess with. My ex had driven every other guy I met away with his psycho behavior.

Anyway, didn't meet the one until 5 years later. Dating a lot really helped me see what I do not want in a guy. I dated a lot of good guys who just weren't right for me. (Men in sandals = no; men in homemade punk rock shorts = yes. Men who are too cool to show public affection of a decent caliber = no; men who are so secure in their masculinity that they'll hold my purse = yes.) I feel like it helped me to know when I met my husband that he was the one.

I would say that if you're going to date casually, you don't need to have them meet your children. I don't think that you have to date with the purpose of finding a husband or anything. I think it's fine to date out of boredom or to practice or whatever. Your kids don't have to be a part of it. This made it easier for me to break things off with people when I was over it.

There has been some great advice here.

I can only speak from my experience. I used to jump from relationship to relationship. I took the baggage right along with me and was really only part of a person and a whole lot of crap, getting together with another part of a person with a whole lot of crap. There's very few relationships that start out like that and actually end up with good outcomes.

When ex and I split, I didn't date for 3 years. I soul-searched, I healed, I looked at my part in the mess of our marriage, I looked at who I was, what I wanted, etc. I did date someone and it was a very different experience and I really enjoyed it. I felt more whole and complete and like I was really bringing something positive to the relationship.

I've been dabbling in dating again recently and realize how much I've grown even since then. I really feel like I'm ready to have that truly healthy relationship. I feel insecure and have doubts, but I recognize it right away and try to work through what it is really all about. It's a whole new perspective and I must say, quite exciting.

I don't think I've got it figured out, but I know where I've been and where I am now and it just feels different....in a good way. It was hard to get through the feelings of lonely, the wanting for physical contact, the need for love, the desire for adult conversation and company. But I think now I am stronger, healthier and more apt to succeed in the relationship I choose.

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My role in the demise= I married him! My stbx was apparently a sex addict without me realizing! Told me in November that he'd had encounters with 18 people during our engagement/marriage!

I really felt this blow was almost liberating. It'd be very hard the last couple yrs and knowing it hadn't been ME that was to blame was a weight off my shoulders. stbx was/is also a very needy person. I never felt like that. I never felt I needed anyone, besides my kids. I put up a profile on match in December! Yes, soon!!! I just wanted to get out an have some fun. TMI but my ex was my only ONE and knowing he'd cheated on me so heinously, made me want to "counter" that somehow. Anyway, I was in no rush for a bf, just fun dates. But I did happen to acquire a bf. Still not my plan but I'm a happy girl, with or without my ex or with or without my bf. I know it's been only like 5 months since my separation but I feel great! Great about the split-up, great about my life, my choices. I don't think you can place a time frame on recovery or when to start dating. Do what you feel is right. If you start too soon, you'll soon know that it's too soon!