[JustVanessa]

Stbx and I split up when he walked out on us out of the blue on July 10th. I am slowly figuring out how to organize my life and function as a single parent.
So now I have heard through the grapevine (small town) that he has gone on a couple of dates with someone new. WTF?????????? We have only been apart a freaking month???? And now he is screwing an 18 year old???
This is just insane. I really hope he doesn't plan to introduce his little piece of meat to ds b/c I will lose it.

When did your ex's start dating again? How did you handle it? How did your dc handle it? I need somehow to wrap my brain around all of this.

 

[Haydee]

I try not to worry about X dating. It is completely out of my control, and it only hurts DC and me when I get upset by it. I just know that I don't want to be with him, so more power to another woman if she wants his crap. If she gets sick of him she can call me and join the club!

 

[CalebsMama05]

first

second:

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustVanessa he has gone on a couple of dates with someone new.... And now he is screwing an 18 year old???

I'm sorry I understand how you are upset but...a couple of dates does NOT equal a sexual relationship..and if it did...it isn't any of your concern now. harsh maybe but true

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustVanessa I really hope he doesn't plan to introduce his little piece of meat to ds

whoa! whether she is having sex with your EX or not does not reduce her to a *peice of meat* you are upset (understandably) but calling your x's new girl names and reducing her to an OBJECT isn't going to help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustVanessa When did your ex's start dating again? How did you handle it? How did your dc handle it?

I don't know about dating or even if he was having sex with someone else but he moved in with a female a few months ago. he claims it was platonic...I to be honest really don't care. he treated me and my sons like crap. my ds didn't have anything to handle as he stopped coming around during that time period. you DEFINATELY need to get a handle on this and you should start with thinking of your x's new gf as a PERSON. I know you are upset but it REALLY upsets me thinking of women reducing other women to things or peices of meat. men do that enough without members of our own gender contributing.

 

[mmace]

Mine started seeing someone about a year and a half before he moved out. Needless to say, I didn't know about it then...

 

[Jilian]

My ex put up and ad on adultfriendfinder.com and met some girls from there within weeks of me moving out. I knew because I checked our business e-mail account for bank account info and found some messages about him scheduling meet-ups with girls at our home while DS was there

When the dust blew over, he admitted to me he hooked up with a few girls but they were just flings.

He kinda started dating a bartender about 4 mos after I moved out, then he upgraded to a Hooters chick and then he dropped the hooters chick when he met his current GF while on a vacation.

I can't say anything mean about it though, I started dating someone very shortly after we seperated but it was a rebound relationship. I think my self esteem was so wounded after being with ex for all those years that I just needed a little reassurance that I still "had it". I didn't get into a serious relationship until I had been seperated for 9 mos.

 

[Jaydens_mom]

Mine had a new girlfriend while we were still together ( he was cheating on me when i was 7 mos preg ) so i left him when she came down the stairs from my room after i had been told to stay the night at my mom... then he had the indencency to bring her to the hospital when his sister picked him up to come see the baby..

However,
Now he isn't with her anymore ( they did date for almost 2 years though), he apparently has a new gf and is moving in with her?!?! ( they just met )...

I haven't replied to that part of the email he sent me yet, but when i do, it will be along the lines of.

"Thats great, but you will be required to let me meet her before he stays at your house with you and her"

I don't care that he has a gf, but i do care what she is like... ( he picks drugees and real pieces of work most of the time

) and i would like to have an idea of who my son is going to be seeing when he is over at his dads.

 

[StephandOwen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mammakerry I try not to worry about X dating. It is completely out of my control, and it only hurts DC and me when I get upset by it. I just know that I don't want to be with him, so more power to another woman if she wants his crap. If she gets sick of him she can call me and join the club!

Good way to look at it!

As for my ex- I have no idea when he started dating or being in a sexual relationship. Don't care to know either. The only woman I know of that was with him was the end of last year (so 2 years after I left him.... though I'm sure there's other woman I don't know about). I don't know specifically but I know they were together around Thanksgiving (when he stopped taking ds on visits) and they broke up sometime before Christmas (when I happened to see ex and he decided to tell me, for some unknown reason). I did not know about her prior to that, but I do not believe he has introduced ds to any woman. He had his visits in his parents house and his mom would not have allowed that. I recently found out that a little bit before thanksgiving his gf spent the night. He was supposed to have Owen the next morning but his mom told him she'd tell me if he brought Owen over while the girl was there. She wanted him to tell the girl to leave for a few hours. Instead he called me and said he was "too tired" to come get Owen.

: Apparently the other woman has "seen the light" and left him

 

[DaddyOh]

My XW started dating someone else 2-1/2 years before we separated.

Is that too soon?

 

[CalebsMama05]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaddyOh My XW started dating someone else 2-1/2 years before we separated. Is that too soon?

YES way too soon. it seems to be a disturbing trend on this board

 

[Jaydens_mom]

lol good sarcasm

i feel ya

As i said above, my ex had a new gf before we even separated also ( and i was 7 mos preg at the time )

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaddyOh My XW started dating someone else 2-1/2 years before we separated. Is that too soon?

 

[Jster]

ah, just to join the club here, my ex started seeing someone before we split, when I was 20 weeks pregnant with dd2. He did have to wait the six months grace period after our divorce to remarry, though, so they didn't get to tie the knot until about a year and a half after hooking up.

FWIW, I waited, oh, 2 years or so before even thinking of dating. I had babies to birth and kids to care for...

 

[cheyennemama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilian My ex put up and ad on adultfriendfinder.com and met some girls from there within weeks of me moving out. .

That site is just for hook-ups. It's not for meeting people for quality relationships. ugh! uke

My ex was screwing people our entire marriage so it was no surprise that he got involved in a "serious" relationship a month after moving out. He's needy and needed someone. He can not function without someone.

 

[karen ann]

My ex started "dating" other people before we were even married, apparently. I found out last year he has a 9 year old daughter, which means he was "dating" someone else while we were engaged. His current girlfriend/fiancee, he began "dating" a year and a half before we separated. He was playing family with her and our DS for about a year before he moved out.

 

[Bad Mama Jama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mammakerry I try not to worry about X dating. It is completely out of my control, and it only hurts DC and me when I get upset by it. I just know that I don't want to be with him, so more power to another woman if she wants his crap. If she gets sick of him she can call me and join the club!

Preach, sister, preach!!!

 

[JustVanessa]

I guess my post was a little intense. By dates I ment overnight dates. He rents a suite from a mutual friend of ours. Also I know the "girl" in question and she is a hard drug user, a partier and not someone I would even leave alone with ds for even an instant. I can personally name 9 men that this 18 year old woman has slept with.
I called her a piece of meat b/c the other words I would use to describe her are alot worse than that.
He told me today that he wants to introduce ds to his new "girlfriend".....

Quote:

it REALLY upsets me thinking of women reducing other women to things or peices of meat. men do that enough without members of our own gender contributing.

That was not my intention and I am sorry I offended you.

But the whole idea of this happening offends me. How can he think I will allow a junkie anywhere near my son. He gave me full custody, does that allow me to say that he CANNOT bring her around him?

to all you mams that were cheated on. I can't help but wonder if he was seeing her before he ended it with me. I am going to book an STD test tomorrow. The very idea of "sharing" him is really sickening.

I know it really doesn't concern me who he dates (but it is still heartbreaking) and I think that it DOES concern ds. Therefore it does concern me...KWIM?

 

[ruliansdad]

my ex started seeing someone new about 2 weeks before we split. she moved in immediately with him, and it lasted a month or so, & now they're separated because he "wanted too much" and she can't trust anyone. i can't pretend to understand the dynamic. it sucked dropping DS off at his "new nuclear family". felt REALLY weird. hard to imagine the 3 of them cosleeping, etc. who knows what she'll do next - she is talking about heading out on a nonmonogamous path like she used to before we were together. whatever. i know i'll need probably a couple YEARS before i'm ready to date.

 

[CalebsMama05]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustVanessa That was not my intention and I am sorry I offended you.

I was not offended. the cycle of hate/anger/namecalling is a tough one to break. I just feel that even though she might be all those things she is still a person and still deserves basic respect (acknowledgement that she has feelings/thoughts/etc too) It is just wrong IMO to namecall someone where they cant even defend themselves. and especially such demeaning names. I dislike my stbx but i don't call him a peice of meat or refer to him as an object kwim?

also it just seems to me that you are VERY full of anger/hate. it is normal i noticed you have just split a month ago but please be aware of how dangerous that is. I'm all about peace and love

 

[annarbor931]

My X started talking to a former girlfriend a few months before he told me he wanted a divorce. I didn't know anything about it until I came to move my stuff, about 4 months after DS and I left. I came in the house with DS and several friends (along with their kids) to find his GF's overnight bag and stuff in the bedroom. He basically set it up to humiliate me, or so he told me that day. The GF sat in her car in front of the house for 10 hours. My X wanted to take the baby outside to hang out with his GF while I packed. It was the strangest day ever. She dumped him not long after that incident. It was pretty ugly, with her calling me names in front of my DS and friends. She was mad that I took my furniture and left him with nothing to sit on. I was very angry with him at the time, but now I realize that it is just a sign of his mental state. A few days later, he was admitted to the hospital. That's when he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

 

[mama40]

Hey, CalebsMama, give Vanessa a break, there. Her stbx just totally upended her life and dicked over her child. It's true you have to be careful when you're angry, but she'll mostly get over it in a while. =)

I'm struck throughout this thread by the crazy way women are fighting over men, btw. And what prizes these men appear to be.

I think that if I ever get involved seriously again, I'll tell the guy I want to get to know a couple of recent exs, first, and hang with them. I'm so not into picking a guy up from the way some awful woman treated him, ever again.

 

[annarbor931]

Well said, mama. Why are we fighting over these men who would even treat us this way to begin with? I promise that these guys won't treat the next one any better. The problem is them.