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I'm planning on getting pregnant soon. I was just wondering when people usually announce to friends and family that they are pregnant. Is it traditional to wait until the first trimester is over? That's what I did with my first baby. I'm wondering if, now, with my looser belly, if I'll be able to hide it for the entire first trimester.
 

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I tell friends within a day of the positive HPT! But that's me


Because of a 2nd Trimester loss with pg #2, we've been slower to tell the grandparents with #3 and now #4, just so they don't have to go through the emotional rollercoaster with us.

Do what feels right to you. In my excitement, there's no way I could ever wait to share the news until the 2nd Trimester, especially since I always know by 3 1/2 to 4 weeks along, and that's a long way to 13 weeks!

Good luck TTC!
 

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everyone's different. 1st PG (ended in m/c) we waited until 10 weeks and miscarried days later, so this time around we told families and friends right away, coworkers a few weeks in, random people after I saw the heartbeat.

good luck to you!
 

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We told our immediate family and close friends at about 8 weeks. We told everyone else, work included, at about 13 weeks. We had a m/c in november and had told everyone. We didn't want to go through all that again, so we held off until we had an u/s and saw the heartbeat to tell our close family.
 

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We're in the midst of that right now...I am 10 weeks and 2 days.
This is our first, and we were ecstatic to get pregnant - and we knew immediately, earlier than most people know, so we were eager to spread the news, but nervous.
I told my DH the day I found out.
I told my best friend the day after I found out.
We told my parents and brother pretty early - when we were about 4 -5 weeks, mostly because I work in the family business and wouldnt be able to hide it...they have all been waiting...
We told the in-laws at about 7 weeks.
I slipped and told a few other friends at about 8.5 weeks.
As soon as we told, we also asked/swore everyone we told to secrecy until after our first midwife appintment (which is tomorrow). My mom had a number of MCs so I used that as my excuse for being cautious and not wanting anyone outside immediate family to know until we had heard the baby's heartbeat and knew things were moving along in the right way. We found that once we had told our parents and swore them to secrecy, telling everyone else didnt seem to feel like it needed to be done in a big rush. We kind of got used to keeping the secret from our friends. At 10 weeks, I know my belly is bloated, and boobs are bigger, but no one else can tell that I am pregnant. I have avoided drinking but no one really seems to have noticed. Truth is, I have been waiting to hear the heartbeat - then I feel I can confidently tell everyone else in the world and release the news to the extended families and friends. Hopefully, we'll hear it tomorrow!

Hope that helps!
 

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I agree with pps that this is a very personal decision. We have chosen to wait until the end of the first trimester. Right now we have a very precious secret and, although we can't wait to share the good news, it'll be great to let people know when the highest risk of miscarriage has passed.

We were pregnant for the first time two months ago, had one weekend to get used to the idea ourselves, and had a very early miscarriage before we shared the news with anyone (except my yoga instructor). This experience has changed our perspective on telling and made us want to be more private.

Good luck on your TTC journey!
 

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With my first pregnancy we told everyone immediately, then miscarried at 13 weeks.....I bled the entire time so I should've kept it a secret, it was devastating having people ask me about the baby only to break down and cry....
With all of the other pregnancies I've waitied until I hear the heartbeat, because the chances of miscarriage after that are reatly reduced. This time around with my 4th baby on the way I'm going to hold out telling as long as I can, I dont want to deal with idiotic comments like "we'll you know how that happens right!" hardy har har.....yeah stupid I do thanks! I am hoping to wait until November...but if I show earlier then I'll have to spill the beans sooner......we are going on 2 family vaca's next month so if I'm puking all the time they'll probably find out then......I hope not though.
Jackie
 

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I announced mine as soon as I knew I was pregnant. With the first, who was planned, it was as soon as we saw the pink lines. With this second one, I didn't discover the pregnancy until I was almost into the 2nd trimester. IMO, a baby is a baby from the moment of conception, so I see no reason to wait.
Mind you, don't be surprised if you get a less than warm reception from people if you decide to announce right away. My aunt had two miscarriages before she had her boys, so my family was hesitant to share in my joy until the time of her m/c's had passed. A little annoying for me, but understandable.
 

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I've ended up telling some people relatively early - 6 to 8 weeks - because I get so sick it's almost incapacitating, and people wonder why. So, when I was pregnant with DD, I told my boss pretty early on simply so he wouldn't wonder about my mad dashes to the restroom. And with this pregnancy, I told DD's preschool teachers, because we're a co-op and I was having trouble putting in my hours with any energy at all.

I think we each have to do what is right for us and our individual situations.
 

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I forgot to add earlier, one of the reasons I tell close friends immediately is because of the chance of m/c. If I'm gonna go through that pain, I know that I'm going to need support and understanding of those close to me.

My personal belief (and it is just that) is that when we collectively keep this type of thing to ourselves, it stigmatizes it and us further. Once you have a m/c, or, as in my case, a 2nd T loss, suddenly people come out of the woodwork to tell you their story of loss.

I've made it a very conscious point to tell everyone who is important to me early-ish and then share along the way. And, I share about my loss when appropriate. I happen to believe that in talking about all these things and in sharing our collective pain over something that is very common, yet until recently not talked about, we allow all hurt and grieving mamas to get the support they may need through a rotten time...
 

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Both pregs, I've been on the phone with my best friend as soon as I got a +. Then I told my DH right after that.


First preg, we waited until about 5 weeks and then told both sets of grandparents. Told a few people at church that following Sunday, which spread it like wildfire, of course!

Second preg, DH's mom was with him when he "saw" the news (I sent a picture of the hpt to his cell phone). MIL's mom was in the hospital after having a heart attack, and the news of a pregnancy was a good thing to cheer her up. It also got told to Granny (MIL's mom) that day as well. Since DH's parents knew, I called up my own parents that night and told them. We went down to visit with Granny the following weekend (one week after her heart attack, and you wouldn't know she'd even had one!). Went to church with her, and *everyone* there knew about the pregnancy already.
I was only 19 dpo! We decided to wait on telling people at our church directly, because we wanted to see how long it'd take for the news to travel from Granny's church and/or MIL's church to ours. There are shared relatives at the various congregations. Well, I guess those relatives aren't very gossipy (which is actually a GOOD thing
, so we finally ended up telling people after a few weeks. I just couldn't stand to wait any longer!

Like a PP mentioned... if I had a m/c, I'd want the support of family/friends. I know how they can really come through during a time of need. They were there for me when DS decided to come early, and I know they'd be there for me if I had a m/c. And at church, it's something that would be announced, so I wouldn't have to tell everyone I met - they'd hear it at one time while I'm at home grieving. But of course, that's just how *I* would feel, not necessariliy how someone else would feel. So it is totally a personal decision, and there is no overall right or wrong - it's what's right for YOU that's important.
 

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That's what MDC is for (for me, anyway)! No one knows we were even TTC...we won't tell until after the first trimester. Unless....my MIL comes to visit next month. We see her in person about once a year, so we want to be able to tell her when we see her. But she'll be the only one.

I'm so afraid people won't be excited for us...
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mary3mama
I forgot to add earlier, one of the reasons I tell close friends immediately is because of the chance of m/c. If I'm gonna go through that pain, I know that I'm going to need support and understanding of those close to me.

My personal belief (and it is just that) is that when we collectively keep this type of thing to ourselves, it stigmatizes it and us further. Once you have a m/c, or, as in my case, a 2nd T loss, suddenly people come out of the woodwork to tell you their story of loss.

I've made it a very conscious point to tell everyone who is important to me early-ish and then share along the way. And, I share about my loss when appropriate. I happen to believe that in talking about all these things and in sharing our collective pain over something that is very common, yet until recently not talked about, we allow all hurt and grieving mamas to get the support they may need through a rotten time...
I SOOO totally agree with you about this. I knew the stats on m/c and I even saw a pretty good number of people here and other boards with notes about "angel babies" (which you can see I've taken on, too) so I fortunately KNEW it was very common, but I think it would really help if it were normalized further. I felt defensive about being treated like it was some bizarre tragedy, on top of how it naturally pained me. I surprised myself by talking about it to everyone once it was over, and almost everyone said they or their wife had multiple m/c through their lives! The teacher next door to me two years ago went through the whole year without telling she had a m/c and I didn't want to be like that, unable to talk to others about it. So anyway, we told our immediate family about it because we knew we'd want to have them "in on it" if something did go bad (well, I feel a little bad about my ILs, but I also don't want to be subjected to some well-meaning but hurtful comment about babies, and they are the only ones who talk about such personaly stuff with us-- of course I needed MY mommy on the phone the whole week of my mc/). But we waiting to tell anyone else, and good thing-- I'm glad I didn't have to untell anyone else- that was the WORST. But I am letting people know, just as it comes up, after the fact. We'll see if I end up regretting it (as we continue to TTC, now that's public but what the hell) but I feel like I'm helping to make it less awful as it is so common. I even wrote a villanelle about it in my writing class so my teenage students have some exposure to it now, too (well, I guess some of their friends have alreayd HAD m/cs but that's a whole other issue!)

Whew! Can you tell I'm still processing all this? Anwway... lol.
 

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Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk...

Talking, in my expereince, did NOT make it more painful to lose my beautiful boy. It actually made the grieving process more tolerable.

I would not turn away from talking about it (not that I shoved it in people's faces) but that I would not turn away in shame.

When we allow our losses to shame us...we allow our losses to shame all woman-kind.

Talk, cry, scream, learn, lean, grieve and come back stronger.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you continue to process. My Nathaniel was lost to us 4 years ago last month and though it doesn't hurt the way it did, it's always going to be with me.
 

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We tell everyone as soon as we find out.

We've never had a m/c, but if we did we wouldn't be able to keep that a secret anyway, and would want support from family and friends.

Dh has a cousin who had a m/c and we didn't even know she had been pregnant. That just made things more ackward when we finally did find out after the fact; at that point it was hard to know what to do and say, since we didn't know if we were helping or hurting. The news gets out eventually anyway, so why not tell everyone right away?
 

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I'm not really saying anything new, but we tell everyone the day we find out! I've had two m/c, and I was so glad I told my friends...especially with the first m/c. They put fresh flowers in every room of my house, made meals, and called just to chat quite a bit. I really needed that support because I was devastated. Then when I got pregnant with my first daughter, it was so fun to have everyone take part in the amazing joy we felt!
 
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