[tammyswanson]

I'm curious..I don't seem to feel any right now..whatever they are supposed to feel like. Is this supposed to happen after they are born, or before?

 

[artgoddess]

Everyone is different. Honestly that fierce tiger mama in me didn't come out until DS was a few days old. DP and I were both just in such shock of suddenly being parents, not to mention tired after a long labor that we kind of felt like we were baby sitting and waiting for the real parents to show up. But it does happen, with in a week I had so much love for my son it physically hurt, my heart felt it was going to explode. And I still feel that way. It's amazing, and you'll love it.

 

[Alohamelly]

There's no specific time. For me they hit immediately when I saw my daughter.

 

[Aurie]

It is totally an individual thing. For some it hits before the child is born. For others it can take months.

With my first, I knew the moment he was born I would give anything I had to him. But I didn't really bond with him until he was about 2 months old. I kind of moved around in an instinctive haze when I cared for him until that point.

 

[Cujobunny]

For me, I think I had the instincts, I knew I loved my child more than anything I had ever experienced and wanted to care for him, protect him and keep him safe, but I didn't really know how. That took a few weeks of getting used to and learning to trust those instincts. It was difficult before I found MDC

because there is so much in the mainstream that seemed to go against my instincts.

 

[plummum]

Primarily it is after the birth. The oxytocin from the labor and birth and breast-feeding are part of what cause it, as well as spending all that time looking into those big eyes...
http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/5...in-bonding.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin

 

[momuveight2B]

It happens differently for me with each child. Even when I have had that incredible surge at birth it still takes me time to get in the groove of caring for a new little person. Sometimes it takes a while and I feel like a babysitter and not really connected. I have learned to just give it time and not worry about it too much. Hormones and birth trauma can really wreck havoc with your emotions after birth. As long as I go through the motions of doing what I need to do for myself and my baby then I soon find that the motherlove follows.

I find it really important to plan for the time after the birth, to allow for a babymoon where I get lots of extra TLC from family and can focus all my energy on the babe.

I think if you find yourself in a funk for too long after the birth or not wanting to care for the baby then you might talk to your caregiver about post partum depression.

I think if you are coming to MDC to learn, planning for the babe's needs and responding to your baby in the womb then you are already beginning to have those maternal instincts.

 

[mamamoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by momuveight2B It happens differently for me with each child. Even when I have had that incredible surge at birth it still takes me time to get in the groove of caring for a new little person. Sometimes it takes a while and I feel like a babysitter and not really connected. I have learned to just give it time and not worry about it too much. Hormones and birth trauma can really wreck havoc with your emotions after birth. As long as I go through the motions of doing what I need to do for myself and my baby then I soon find that the motherlove follows. I find it really important to plan for the time after the birth, to allow for a babymoon where I get lots of extra TLC from family and can focus all my energy on the babe. I think if you find yourself in a funk for too long after the birth or not wanting to care for the baby then you might talk to your caregiver about post partum depression. I think if you are coming to MDC to learn, planning for the babe's needs and responding to your baby in the womb then you are already beginning to have those maternal instincts.

Same here. It has been different each time for me. And I also had varying degrees of ppd with 2 of my kiddos, and I know that played a huge part in it.

 

[lyttlewon]

With DD I immediatly wanted to protect her and care for her when she was first born. I didn't really *like* her though until she was out of the slug stage and started interacting more. About three months? I think there is a difference between the protective instinct and actually enjoying your childs company. I am absolutely bonded to her different now at almost four than I was as a newborn.

 

[mama2walden&luna]

For me, it was love at first sight and has only gotten stronger and stronger over the years. I enjoyed her from the moment she was born. A friend of mine commented that she didn't enjoy her dd until she was 9 months old and started "giving back." To me, they give back the moment they enter the world. But, it's different for everyone. I feel like I'm one of those women who was "born to have babies." I've always been very maternal toward my friends and family, the instinct has always been with me. When my dd was born, I felt, for the first time in my life, satisfied and content. I'm better at being a mom than I've ever been at anything. I've always been pretty noncomittal about everything. It even took me 10 years to finish a bachelors degree. I'm not a very driven person. But when it comes to raising my children, I am very, very driven. It's like it's my "calling" or something. Maybe that sounds silly?

 

[Cujobunny]

walden's momma ITA with you. I have never had such a thirst for learning until I had a child. I am now constantly learning about him, his behaviour and development. It has brought me such inner peace and happiness to be his mom. I think I always had a maternal instinct also. Finding sources encouraging me to follow and act on those instincts has been paramount.

 

[mkoontz]

I have to differ slightly and to be honest say it was about 6 month before that total love stuff came. My first was not so easy for me, and cried often. I remember at about 3 months still not being connected to her and kind of thinking 'what have a done'. But now at 1 1/2 years she is the most important thing to me.

I certainly didn't have any of that after birth love or attachment, and just wanted to add not to worry if it takes months rather than days - I'm sure it will come in the end

 

[tammyswanson]

Quote:

Originally Posted by walden's momma It even took me 10 years to finish a bachelors degree. I'm not a very driven person. But when it comes to raising my children, I am very, very driven. It's like it's my "calling" or something. Maybe that sounds silly?

Waldens momma, I don't think it's silly, I know what you mean.

Thanks everyone for replying!

I do have an 'instinct' to protect helpless things (like animals) so I guess that'll transfer to the kid as well. My mom told me she felt an instant connection to me, but that she didn't get the same feeling after she had my sister. So I guess it can be different for everyone. Thanks!

 

[danotoyou2]

Personally, I think there's a distinction between LOVING, BONDING and being ATTACHED to your child... and actually feeling mothering instincts.

For me, I'd been around babies a fair amount, so I knew HOW to take care of my baby, but I honestly felt like a babysitter for the first couple weeks. I knew it was my responsibility, but I didn't feel the love/bond at first to really bring it on full force. (maybe due to a traumatic birth experience)

Don't feel like you need mothering instincts in order to be a good mother. A lot of times, that just comes after time of getting to know your baby.

Feed it, hold it, change it... the rest will come in time. Don't worry.