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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello,

My DD is almost 18 months and I plan to CLW. DD is able to ask for milk quite effectively, but I will also ask her if she wants to nurse. This means that sometimes I am interupting her playtime or offering before we get in the carseat or just in general.

Last night DH approached me with some concerns about me offering to nurse to DD. I did not respond well. And right now I am still not sure of his concerns - one of the things he mentioned was that since she is able to ask, I don't need to offer.

I feel that I do need to offer because I am not trying to wean her and she is busy, so might not ask even if she is hungry. If she doesn't want to nurse, she doesn't, but I still have given her the opportunity.

I'll work out the issue with DH, so don't need advice there - my question for you is at what age did you stop offering in the way that I described? I don't know anyone else who is planning to CLW and could use some perspective.

Thank you!
 

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Definitely not at 18 months, that's for sure!

I don't often offer now (over 4), but still do on occasion. Example, we recently moved from Missouri to Idaho and I would offer each morning if he hadn't nursed yet because I KNOW he would want to nurse later and I couldn't while driving.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you for offering your perspective. I also offer to nurse when I know that I'm not going to be "available" for a while.

I look forward to hearing from some more mamas on this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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Originally Posted by mothragirl View Post
DD is 19 months and i still offer. she'll get busy and forget sometimes. i offer her food and drinks of water even though she can ask for those, maybe mention that to your husband?
Yes, I will be reminding him of that! He also offers her food and water, it just seems to be the numna that's an issue at the moment.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mothragirl View Post
DD is 19 months and i still offer. she'll get busy and forget sometimes. i offer her food and drinks of water even though she can ask for those, maybe mention that to your husband?

I agree - toddlers can get very focused on their activities & then be starvacious and cranky. Whether you are offering breast or another type of snack
you will proably have to keep offering for years to come!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Good point! I know my DD gets so focussed, sometimes it's hard even when she's really hungry to get her to slow down and nurse or eat. She likes reading while nursing - what a multitasker!

I just know that she gets hungry and doesn't ask, that's why I offer.
 

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I quit offering when it was no longer a need. As you know this is a relationship and at times if you go too long without nursing it can be uncomfortable so at those times I would offer to nurse. If child said no
(yeah, right) then I would express a bit into the sink.

Other times I felt the child did need to nurse, at this age they can get busy playing and forget to nurse. Only the mother can know that the child needs to have a break and nurse a bit. Now if they wiggle to get down I let them go.

A big part of being mom is that you must anticipate your child's needs. As they get older you can rely on them more to say I am hungry, I am tired and so on and let them have a bit more independence. I think 18 months is still pretty young and the child needs to have a bit of structure set for them or they can become over tired, cranky, irritable and very hard to settle. I feel only the mother has the ability to really discern what the child needs throughout the day because of the breastfeeding relationship that establishes a very unique form of communication between mother and child.

So if your mama instinct is telling you to offer nursing then you are the only one who can know if this is correct.
 

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I absolutely offered until dd was 2- because I feel very strongly that all children NEED to nurse until a minimum of 2 years old. After that it's hit and miss. DD never goes TOO long without asking
and I offer if she seems to need to center or calm down. But I don't offer as often as I did before.

-Angela
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by momuveight2B View Post
I quit offering when it was no longer a need. As you know this is a relationship and at times if you go too long without nursing it can be uncomfortable so at those times I would offer to nurse. If child said no
(yeah, right) then I would express a bit into the sink.

Other times I felt the child did need to nurse, at this age they can get busy playing and forget to nurse. Only the mother can know that the child needs to have a break and nurse a bit. Now if they wiggle to get down I let them go.

A big part of being mom is that you must anticipate your child's needs. As they get older you can rely on them more to say I am hungry, I am tired and so on and let them have a bit more independence. I think 18 months is still pretty young and the child needs to have a bit of structure set for them or they can become over tired, cranky, irritable and very hard to settle. I feel only the mother has the ability to really discern what the child needs throughout the day because of the breastfeeding relationship that establishes a very unique form of communication between mother and child.

So if your mama instinct is telling you to offer nursing then you are the only one who can know if this is correct.

Thank you for the reminder about my instincts. The conversation with my DH raised some doubts for me about what I'm doing. I did flat out tell him, no I'm going to change what I'm doing, but still...it raised doubts. I don't like that! Although, it is good to have a reality check and this has helped me think through the nursing relationship I have with DD - and commit even more! I'll have to thank DH...
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I absolutely offered until dd was 2- because I feel very strongly that all children NEED to nurse until a minimum of 2 years old. After that it's hit and miss. DD never goes TOO long without asking
and I offer if she seems to need to center or calm down. But I don't offer as often as I did before.

-Angela
Angela,
Thank you, this helps. In my mind I had targeted age two as the minimum age. Guess I need to share my thoughts and plan with DH! I've really just been going with the relationship - not questioning or thinking - just doing - until this point.

Congratulations, by the way, on the "someone new!"
 

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dd is almost 27 months and I still ask. It seems like before we get in the car, or do anything really...I'll ask if she wants to nurse.

If we are out...

For example, today I had to go and make 550 copies for a fundraiser for dds grade school. Well, there is one copy machine(other is broken) and a whole lot of teachers. I let the teachers that really needed to copy something go ahead of me. Add that to the copier being touchy and not working sometimes, it took us three hours.

She was SOOOOO good. However, there were a few rough spots where she started to get antsy and I offered for her to nurse. Both times she did, and she was calm afterwards.

So, Until she really weans, I don't think i'll ever stop offering.
 

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I have been offering more, lately. Dd is 2 and 4 mo. She has wanted it more, and asks more, I think in response to my prior feeling that I had to begin nudging her away from nursing. We stopped that, and now, I'm letting her know it's available whenever she wants it. So, it's on demand, and if she's seeming like she needs to chill out, or we need to chill out together, I offer. If she says no, fine. And she does say no sometimes.
 

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I'm sooo glad you made this post. I have an 18 month old, everyone wants her to wean at 2 but I'd REALLY rather her CLW. Anyway I sometimes feel that I'm BEGGING her to nurse I dont make her, as we all know that's IMPOSSIBLE, LOL but I do offer a lot. If I didn't she wouldn't EVER nurse except during the night and I want her to continue nursing at least until 2. Thanks!
 

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My daughter is 17 months and I offer. I think of it this way: I can anticipate getting hungry before feeling hunger, and avoid getting stressed/upset before it escalates. My daughter is way too young to do that, so it's my job to do it for her at this age, and offer the breast before she needs to fuss or ask for it.
Trust your instincts!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
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Originally Posted by midstreammama View Post

She was SOOOOO good. However, there were a few rough spots where she started to get antsy and I offered for her to nurse. Both times she did, and she was calm afterwards.

So, Until she really weans, I don't think i'll ever stop offering.

It is so nice to have the ability to help your child relax in that way - thanks for your post!
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by PrennaMama View Post
I have been offering more, lately. Dd is 2 and 4 mo. She has wanted it more, and asks more, I think in response to my prior feeling that I had to begin nudging her away from nursing. We stopped that, and now, I'm letting her know it's available whenever she wants it. So, it's on demand, and if she's seeming like she needs to chill out, or we need to chill out together, I offer. If she says no, fine. And she does say no sometimes.
That's interesting that she wants more as you were edging away - so smart aren't they. I saw your post (about being almost converted to CLW) - glad you are coming to resolution over what to do too!
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
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Originally Posted by mommy21princess View Post
I'm sooo glad you made this post. I have an 18 month old, everyone wants her to wean at 2 but I'd REALLY rather her CLW. Anyway I sometimes feel that I'm BEGGING her to nurse I dont make her, as we all know that's IMPOSSIBLE, LOL but I do offer a lot. If I didn't she wouldn't EVER nurse except during the night and I want her to continue nursing at least until 2. Thanks!
Yes, sometimes I feel like I'm begging a little too - but it's really "please won't you sit and be still and eat for a bit - focus, girl, focus" - not so much nurse. And my girl nurses a lot at night - much more than during the day. Guess it is easier to focus when your eyes are shut!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
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Originally Posted by RockStarMom View Post
My daughter is 17 months and I offer. I think of it this way: I can anticipate getting hungry before feeling hunger, and avoid getting stressed/upset before it escalates. My daughter is way too young to do that, so it's my job to do it for her at this age, and offer the breast before she needs to fuss or ask for it.
Trust your instincts!

This is a great perspective and one that I will share with DH. I'm wondering if part of his issue is that he isn't really able to do this for her yet. Thank you.
 

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I have never stopped offering and mine are 4 1/2 yo, 2 1/2 yo and 3 mos old....

I truly believe that "don't offer, don't refuse" is a parent led weaning technique because not asking to nurse does not always equal not Needing to nurse...

My oldest is now almost weaned completely and now refuses more often than not... I also ask less often.. sometimes even a few days between... but it was a very gradual progression... but I do still offer...

My 2 1/2 year old I still offer a few times a day... and I can't see that changing for a while still...
 
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