[Plady]

I'm curious about what other parents do about this. I am about 4-5 wks pregnant and of course I want to tell everyone but I think dd deserves to know before my mom for example. However, dh is concerned that if we tell her now and then I miscarry dd will be really freaked out or that it is simply too early to tell her because "kids don't understand time that way". I don't really agree, I think she would be interested and the more tie for her to get used to the idea the better. If something should happen to this pregnancy I think we could find a way to explain it to her.

What have you mamas done? What do you think?

 

[loewymartin]

Well, we told my parents and DH parents prior to telling our DD. I had 2 m/c last year and we knew we'd need the support of our family if we had another one. We went in for the 20 week u/s and brought DD with us - we planned on finding out the gender, so that was our way of telling DD she was going to be a big sister. We told her we had a surprise for her and to watch the "tv" - the tech was great and asked DD if she could see the baby on the tv. DD said yes and we told her that baby was in Mommy's belly - then the tech said, "You are going to have a baby sister!" so we all found out at the same time and DD got to go home, call my mom and say "There's a baby sister in Mommy's belly!" which was just too adorable to hear

The downside of course, is that DD wanted her baby sister to come that day! She turned 3 in May, so she understands a bit about waiting - and we told her her baby sister will be here the end of summer. She has been great about it and after the first few weeks stopped asking me when and started asking me what the baby can/can't do etc.

All in all, it's worked out perfectly for us so far. DD is beyond excited and she tells everyone and anyone that her baby sister is in Mommy's belly and all the things she's going to do for her baby.

And, congrats on your pregnancy! May you feel terrific and have a healthy, easy pregnancy!

Michelle

 

[OhMel]

I told ds (2.5) as soon as I found out. He asks about the baby and we just tell him the babe will be coming out next winter. He seems ok with this.

 

[flyingspaghettimama]

We told our daughter first, more for philosophical reasons - our family comes first. I wasn't so worried about miscarriage, as my mother had many miscarriages and in our family, it was a (sad) fact of life. I figured if it happened, I would have to explain, and it would be sad, but it would be just as sad at 4 months as at two weeks...

My DD is five and doesn't fully understand still - i.e. how many more months? And how many days is that? How big is the baby now - as big as my foot? Bigger? Oh wow, bigger than my foot? When we first told her, we said "as big as your pinkie fingernail" and she was flabbergasted.

It's really hilarious.

 

[dziejen]

How old is your dd? Our girls will be 4 and 9 in August and we told my oldest dd right away before she could find out any other way. We told our youngest about a week or so later because we didn't want her to be left out and she is very excited and understanding -- we have discussed that baby will be born after the summer, after birthdays, when it gets colder, etc. It has worked for us and has led to many good baby discussions

 

[Czen:)]

I always tell them immediatly. I don't like secrets told over little ones heads. If I was ever going to discuss the pregnancy with anyone else I would have to tell the kids first. Also I want to explain the "all day" sickness, the tiredness, midwife appointments, etc.

Czen

 

[bmanmommy]

Our son will be 3 next month. We told him right away (I'm 27 weeks now). Kids are so perceptive, and we knew he'd know something was going on. I felt really awful until 17 weeks, and can't imagine not having told him. He would have thought something was really wrong. I feel like knowing has helped him to bond with the baby already. If he bumps my belly or something, he always says sorry to the baby. And he often gives my belly a hug and kiss and tells the baby he loves him/her.

 

[Plady]

Thank you for all the replies mamas. Dd is 3.5 and is very perceptive. I want to tell her soon although she is still getting used to me being back from my trip last weekend (it was the first time I'd ever gone away without her) and I don't want her to equate new baby with me being gone. I think by this weekend it will be a good time to talk about it.

 

[AugustLia23]

My son is 13 months old. We told him right away, but of course it went right over his head. When our kids are older, we will likely still tell them right away even if miscarriage is still a risk.

I think children deserve to know what's going on. I mean, what if you didn't tell the child and you did miscarry, and your child saw you crying or moaning or something, hat would you tell them then?

 

[Heavenly]

I told my two children, ages 2.5 and 4.5 right away. If I miscarried they would wonder why I was crying if I hadn't told them. They don't seem to have any problem with waiting. I just tell them after their birthday's and Christmas (Olivia is November and Elijah is January so we have 3 busy months before baby is due).

 

[danav]

When I got pg the second time, my DD was the very first one I told - she was only 16 months at the time and obviously didn't understand until much later, but she was in the bathroom with me when I took the test! :LOL

This time, we told her about a week after we first found out (so I was a little over 5 weeks) - I only waited because I wanted to see a doctor to confirm the pregnancy first (even though I was late and had 4 positive pg tests, DH had a "successful" vasectomy in January and we wanted to be sure it was truly a pregnancy and not something else weird going on!) DD is absolutely thrilled and excited, which is precious to me. If anything should happen (i've never miscarried before but I do realize it is a possibility) we will explain it as age-appropriately as we can. DS doesn't understand it all yet, but we talk openly about the baby in front of him as well.

There would have been no real way to not tell Jenna - I am so sick and exhausted I would have to explain that to her somehow and I don't want to lie to her, and pretty soon it will start to get obvious (I got really big, really fast with Noah). Plus I just couldn't have kept it from her!

 

[vegetalien]

last time i got pregnant we told everybody right away, including my son (who had just turned two). when i miscarried at 12 weeks we tried to explain everything as best we could. we basically told him the baby was very very sick and so it wasn't growing inside my uterus anymore and would not be coming out. sometimes he seemed to understand, but for MONTHS afterward he would point to my belly and ask 'baby in there?" sometimes he'd ask if it was coming out and other times he would inform me that it wasn't. for the first few days after the m/c he would still walk up to my belly and talk to the "baby" as he had just begun doing that days before my m/c.
it did break my heart a bit to see him doing those things and to know he was disappointed, but i don't regret having told him since it didnt' exactly seem to traumatize him or anything. however, this time around we are waiting until we hear the heartbeat before we tell ANYbody (mainly because if other people know i'm sure it'll come up in front of him and people forget that he has ears!). in case something does happen again, we just don't want him thinking that pregnancy is a negative thing and then if we did eventually get pregnant again we'd want him to be excited, not waiting for something to go bad.

rowan