Mothering Forum banner

1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,845 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Let's take a moment out for something completely different... etiquette advice! And also, some good old-fashioned venting.<br><br>
My sister wants to throw me a shower. That is very sweet. Another friend who lives in my home-city offered to host at her home, since my sister lives 1.5 hours away. Also very sweet. I passed this information along to my sister, who replied that she would like to have the shower at my house. I expressed some concern that I would be beaten about the head and shoulders with copies of the Emily Post etiquette guide and/or there would be whispering over the punch that I was a gift grabber, since the shower honoree hosting her own shower is not really "done". My sister got a bit huffy. Her exact words were, "I am hosting the shower at your house. If Diane has her heart set on hosting a shower, then she can host one in Seattle and I will have one in Bellingham."<br><br>
She also pointed out that she knows where everything is in my house and won't feel as anxious. My sister and I both have anxiety disorders. Mine makes me panic while driving and in movie theatres and waiting rooms. Hers makes her panic in social situations. So I can definitely sympathize.<br><br>
At that same time I am worried that people (mainly the people of my mom's generation) will be silently judging, that it won't be pleasant for my husband and son to have to leave the house for several hours during what would be Dylan's nap time, and that I will have to clean my house for my own shower (petty? well, yeah <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">. I'm wondering how badly I really want a shower.<br><br>
I tried to delicately ask what my sister had planned, because I think if it were a less traditional, more informal shower (ie. little or no emphasis on gifts), I would feel less like I'm breaking some dictum of etiquette.<br><br>
Any advice? Input? Should I just stop being silly and go back to working on my diaper spreadsheet? My mom hasn't had much to say about it all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
861 Posts
Since you aren't the one officially throwing it or hosting it (Think of your house as a rented venue), I say screw 'em.<br><br>
I'm having my shower here since my sister lives in TX and my best friend lives in a tiny townhouse. My mom lives with me, so maybe that makes it a little better, but I'm not one for caring about what random people think. If they love you, they won't even notice!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
554 Posts
That's tough. It's too bad your sister won't get together with your friend to do it.<br><br>
I'm not sure what the etiquette answer to this is, but I would think as long as the invites clearly come from your sister, it will be understood that she is hosting and you are the guest of honor. People know what a baby shower is.<br><br>
My personal solution for all of these shower problems - all of the things the DP and I would do differently and don't want and such - I'm figuring it's not my problem. Someone is throwing a party for me, and I'm going to let them. It's their party. Makes it a little tougher when she's insisting upon doing it at your house, though!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
139 Posts
I don't have answers for a lot of your questions, but I personally have NO PROBLEM at all with an expectant mother having her shower hosted at her home.<br><br>
YOU wouldn't really be hosting it - your sister would, it's just at your house. to me, that makes things so much easier -- no loot to drag all over kingdom-come. All you have to do is carry stuff from the living room to where ever you will be storing baby stuff . . . and usually straggling guests help with that at all the "at the mom's house" showers I've been to and hosted.<br><br>
If all you are doing is sitting in the seat of honor, and your sister is bustling about taking care of things, it should be obvious even to the older generation that you are not the one hosting your own shower.<br><br>
As for cleaning . . . maybe your sister and friends could come the day before the shower and help clean the public areas, or even the whole house as a part of a "welcome Baby!" gift? I did that before for a friend. She was really sad her house had fallen into disarray in her third trimester, so I came over about a week before she was due and cleaned her house for her.<br><br>
I know I didn't address all your points, but I hope I helped some. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,878 Posts
Well, I think that people will understand about it being at your house. Especially if all the RSVPs, etc go to your sister. It's just a location and people will probably say that it's great you don't have to drive far or transport all the stuff back to your house.<br><br>
Now, my biggest issue here is the cleaning! The hostesses either need to set up a time right before the party to clean your house, or hire someone else to come in and do it. Then, someone has to clean up afterwards, as well... Cleaning for a party is not like cleaning for casual company, etc. Having to do that almost takes away the sweetness of your sister and friend throwing you a shower! I don't think you're being petty at all. That would be way too much for me.<br><br>
I would probably end up arranging and paying for another location myself... Maybe you should share with your sister that the cleaning is stressing you out a bit? Does your sister just feel more comfortable in your house than say in a rented room somewhere?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
874 Posts
When I was PG with DD my best friend offered to throw me a shower. It was a similar situation- she lived in a small one-bedroom apartment with no space. The only area she could find to "rent" (it wouldn't have cost anything, just a friend's party room) was 45 min to an hour away from majority of the guests.<br><br>
So she asked if she could have it at my house. It wasn't a big deal- she did EVERYTHING! She came over the day before and cleaned the house, she brought the decorations, food, drink, etc. I essentially didn't have to do anything. And since all the RSVPs were to her, I wasn't involved in that part either.<br><br>
It was sort of nice to be home and comfortable. And nobody said anything.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,845 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Okay, good points about the RSVPS and what not being aimed at my sis instead of me. I feel better. Thanks, ladies!! I don't know why I care so much about the appearance of having impeccably etiquette. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: It must be the hormones.<br><br>
My husband's response was characteristically to-the-point: "Just let her throw the shower her way so she won't freak out. I'll help clean the house."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,236 Posts
I think that it could be made clear that you are not hosting, it is simply being held at your home for convenience's sake. And if anyone said anything, well, boo on them.<br><br>
But, yeah, you definitely don't want to worry about cleaning, so I would make it clear that you would like someone to deal with that (before and after).<br><br>
And your DH and son are a concern too - would DH be OK with taking him out somewhere for half a day where he could nap? Is there anyway they could stay in the house or would all the people be too much excitement for Dylan around naptime? If neither of these really works for your family, I might be tempted to ask your sister if there's any way that a middle ground location would work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
516 Posts
I can sympathize because I just went through the same thing. A girlfriend threw me a shower, but wanted to have it at my house! I was really concerned about this, but it turned out great. She is the one that hosted the shower and it was obvious because she had sent invites and handled the RSVP and was the one leading the show at the shower. I did clean my own house, but it NEEDED it! It kind of gave me the kick I needed to get going on a few things I had been putting off.<br><br>
The people that came seemed to have no concerns about having it at my house. Actually many of them commented that they liked it because they got a chance to see the nursery. They also thought it was great that we didn't have to worry about transporting gifts and they helped take them to the babies room!<br><br>
I happen to have central air conditioning and not many do in this area and it was a HOT and HUMID day. In the end it was really nice to feel comfortable in my own home. I get a bit nervous having all attention focused on me and being at my own home made me a little less anxious and everyone enjoyed seeing the other baby stuff we already had set up, so it took a little focus off of me, kwim?<br><br>
Whatever happens enjoy your special day of celebrating you and your new baby. I was really uncomfortable about the whole shower thing and worried about it, but in the end it really was fun.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,410 Posts
My friend had her shower at her house, hosted by her aunts. It worked just fine!<br><br>
Have the invites worded to clearly state who is throwing the shower and due to distance, the shower will be held at your house. RSVPs go to the sis too.<br><br>
Ask your friend to help you clean and decorate your house so she feels a part of it. Also be sure there is a clean up crew planned in advance so you're not left with a mess!<br><br>
Find the best place for hubby/son to be in advance that would make both happy. They will understand! Well, hubby will...<br><br>
Tell your sister to back off and take a deep breath. You understand the anxiety, so try to understand her needs but also tell her to get a grip <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">.<br>
I totally understand too - I am an anxious one!<br><br>
And try to have fun! Look at the bright side - you will be home, no need to carry gifts back to your house, you'll have a bed available to rest the second the shower is over, and someone else will clean up!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,151 Posts
I think it would be fine as long as it clearly says on the invite "Hosted by so-and-so" and all communication for guests is with the hostess, not you. But it still might be stressful to have all the pre- and post-party clean up to do. I've been to very nice showers a local tea room, so maybe there is someplace else like that locally you could do it?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,350 Posts
Just went to a shower at the mama's own house--her mom and sister hosted it, but she had the best house for the party, so they held it there. No one batted an eyelash about it. We felt bad for the mama that she had to have it at her house, actually.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,874 Posts
I wouldn't worry about what people think.. *rules8 are not rigid like they used to be.. heck my sis and SIL threw my shower for Evan at my OFFICE !! open house style!.. try to relax and enjoy.. your guests will alos!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,955 Posts
I would rather have my face sewn to the carpet than hold ANYTHING at my house. As a natural stressball, I don't like people offering to have things here. I worry about parking. I worry about the cleanliness of the house, the septic system, the paint in the dining room... I know people would not be coming here to check out the house but I would rather NOT have people here.<br><br>
Not to mention the cleaning, as a PP said. I do not want someone else to clean my house, even my sister. It is supposed to be a shower FOR you, not to make extra work for you.<br><br>
Just my $.02.
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top