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DS is 18 months old. All of a sudden people seem to expect me to start disciplining him. I'm a pretty lax parent. Everything that can hurt him in our home is put away so he has free reign and there is very little reason to tell him no. My one rule is that if what ever he's doing isn't going to hurt him or someone else then it's fine with me.
I should metion before I get into this that we live with my hubands parents and will for another month until our house is ready. They were spankers, my DH's firends are spankers and his siblings are spankers. I WILL NOT HIT MY CHILD. I'm also very aware that while GD get's results that those results are not immediet obedience. I don't want DS to make choices b/c he's scared of me. I also don't like traditional time outs so the last few days I've been trying "time in's." When I do this I take him away from the situtaion and sit with him for a minute or two while i explain XYZ to him. I can see my inlaws sharing a look that says "This kid is going to be a brat." I also had one of my husbands friends tell me yesterday that when DS spits his drink out that I should THUMP HIM IN THE MOUTH. ::
drop::: I'm not sure that I have a question or if I'm just venting but I feel judged and they make me feel like I'm an awful mother who is going to have a disobedient child. My biggest issue is that I'm unsure what appropriate GD is for a young toddler or what to expect him to understand. If any of you have made it this far and can make some suggestions on how to tell people we don't spank in a way that doesn't invite conversation I'd appreciate it. And any help on what's would be age appropriate for an 18 month old would be great. Everyone I'm around seems to expect me to hit him whenever he does something inappropriate (like hitting or spitting on someone). I'm just feeling terribly unsure of myself right now.
 

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Well, I've been there. My kids are 41/2 and 21months. My inlaws in particular were very determined that my oldest should be spanked. When I calmly explained that I didn't agree with that and that the few times we tried it did no good, my MIL said "Well, you must not be able to hit hard enough." I'm a very solid woman with military service. I can hit just fine. I CHOOSE not to and have learned not to be ashamed of my parental instincts. It just feels wrong to use physical force on a child. As for the time out thing, I agree explaining the issue to the child is vital. Time out isn't to punish a child and make them feel bad, it's to give them time out gives them a chance to cool off if they are say, getting so emotional that they are throwing, hitting, etc. When it was just my oldest, around 2yrs old, I know people were blaming his wild behavior on GD. He is still very active, imaginative, hands-on, and doesn't want to be coddled. He has no concept that he's not a teenage boy. It can be challenging to keep my cool with him as he tends to think he has life figured out and doesn't need to listen. But I'm amazed at all the things he really can do and wouldn't change him for anything. My youngest, on the other hand has always been very cuddly, flirty, enjoys playing pirates and other active games, but also likes quiet play, books, etc. He's generally seen by people as a perfect angel. And they're both disciplined the SAME WAY! Anyhow, sorry to ramble on like this, but you're not alone.
 

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Our DD is 18 months, and I can't imagine doing any kind of "discipline" with her right now. It still seems like baby-proofing and redirecting are our primary tools. The only thing I'm really working with her on is helping her through her tantrums by being empathic or finding other ways to do what she wants to do... but I don't expect her to be able to accept "no" graciously or have the impulse control to not try to do what takes her interest. I think she's supposed to be trying to get into everything
 

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THUMP him in the mouth? I'd of thumped him in the mouth!
No, not really...but what a horribly mean thing to say!
 

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Not having been there at all, I can't say anything about GD. However, you're only there for one more month... I'm sure it sounds terribly long now, but in a few weeks you'll be able parent without the constant scrutiny.

Maybe it would be worth it to treat this month as being unique. I'm thinking maybe you could practice a slightly stricter GD that you're still okay with temporarily, or claim that you'll only discipline him once he's 20 months old, or just practice your GD more privately... take him to another room when he's being difficult, whenever possible.

This may be how irritation on everyone's part over the living arrangement is expressing itself. Having long-term guests is usually difficult, and a baby more so. So maybe do what you can to lessen the irritation and cabin fever, give them their space. But don't take their judgements seriously.

I hope things get easier!
 

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I can soooo relate! I have dealt with this twice. Once while at my MIL home she announced I was raising a brat. Nice huh? And then we lived a few months with a very pro-spanking family who made it clear to me my kids were evil gremlins because I refused to hit them with a belt like they did for thier kids!!!! It can be very hard to feel judgedbut I comfort mysle fknowing my kids will know the WHY about things, not just be afraid of some discipline i may dole out with no real explanation. I know whats best for my kids and no one else does.
 
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