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Who cares for (and sits with) your children when you fly as a family?

  • Husband does most (or all) of the care

    Votes: 2 1.6%
  • Wife does most (or all) of the care

    Votes: 17 13.8%
  • Husband does more, but wife helps a lot

    Votes: 11 8.9%
  • Wife does more, but husband helps a lot

    Votes: 24 19.5%
  • Both do about equal amounts

    Votes: 68 55.3%
  • Obligatory other; please explain

    Votes: 1 0.8%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm specifically asking about DH, not DP, because I'm interested in the dynamic between men and women for this!<br><br>
Whenever our family flies, we notice lots of other families traveling too. It always seems like for most families that the mother does pretty much all of the child care and entertainment, even though the father is sitting right there! We see it when walking through the airport and on the plane too. If there are two kids with a mother and a father, it seems like a large percentage of the time, the mother will sit alone with the kids on the plane.<br><br>
The mother does all the child care/entertainment/herding/clean-up and the father sits there and works on his laptop/chats on his cell/reads a book. I've never understood why so many women put up with it!<br><br>
Why is it always the mom who sits with the children by herself? Why, if one parent is going to sit with two children, is it always the mother?
 

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Well, for us, we have a four hour drive that starts at midnight when we get off the airplane and DH does the driving. So, it's a necessity that he get some sleep while we're at the airport/in the airplane or else he can't drive.<br><br>
Otherwise, I don't really know.
 

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We each take one child. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Or for the India trip we would take turns sleeping and caring for the kids. They sat between us.
 

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We have only flown once (to Disney last summer), but my husband did the most with the kids. I helped out as well, but he was the main entertainer. We have four kids who are 12, 10, 9, and 6.
 

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I voted other because we haven't flown together yet. My guess is that I will do more but it's fine. It works out in the end.
 

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We don't fly, but if we did, we'd be doing equal amounts of childcare unless there was some huge need for DH to get work done while on the plane (he'd have to convince me of its importance, and I'm not an easy woman to convince.) When we go anywhere/ do anything, DH is generally in charge of DS1 and I'm in charge of DS2, though we switch off when one or both of us get stuck and need help. Occasionally, one of us will take both kids if the other is too stressed out and needs a break. There are certainly times when I feel like I'm doing all of the childcare, and there are times when DH feels like he is doing all of the childcare. I think that means we have a pretty good balance most of the time.<br>
BTW, I'm a SAHM. And it took a while for DH to understand that I expect his full participation in our family when he's home from work. But, he did finally "get it" and is now a very involved father.
 

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My DH and I take turns about who gets to sit with 2 kids vs. 1 kid, unless the kids express a strong preference. My boys tend to want to sit with me (because they're very touchy-feely and like stroking mama's arms and hair, I guess daddy is not soft enough or something). My DD is not much of a cuddle bug, she'd rather be coloring or drawing or reading or listening to the earphones, so she doesn't really care who she sits by. So it looks like I'm doing most of the work...but it works out well. I don't like to fly and tend to feel nervous, panicky, but cuddling and entertaining my boys tends to take the edge off. DD would tolerate that, I think, because she loves me...but it would be annoying to her after awhile. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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We're equal. I usually take over the baby while dh will take the toddler, trade when needed.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>PumpkinSeeds</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9011356"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">we always try to fly 2 and 2. I sit with one and Papa sits with the other. We switch kids as boredom sets in.</div>
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This is what we do, we each take a kid and typically alternate when we change "legs" of the flight.
 

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With us it's a split (not sure if even, but a split). I did most of the feeding, nursing (obviously) and in seat distraction. When she started wandering the aisles DP (but male so I can join, right?) followed her around. He probably would have done more but she was pretty stuck to me.<br>
We flew twice, when DD was 20 months and 28 months.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I should have known mdc would trend differently than what I see in mainstream US when I travel!<br><br>
Am I the only one who's noticed how often other families seem to have only the mom doing the child care?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rainyday</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9011855"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I<br>
Am I the only one who's noticed how often other families seem to have only the mom doing the child care?</div>
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No, but I've also known ap moms whose husbands don't share the childcare on the plane. i never understood it myself.
 

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I would say we share, but it might not look like that if you caught us on a particular leg of a trip where it was "my turn."
 

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Never have figured out why my DH can't fathom that I need help......despite repeated explanations.<br><br>
It has gotten to the point where he doesn't want to fly lately though and I've taken repeated trips with just me and kidlet. Two kids soon though......Lord help me.......me and two kids under three.....one an infant!<br><br>
We always buy kid seats and bring carseats though.<br><br>
Liz
 

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I voted equal, which is pretty accurate.<br><br>
I know that when we fly, we go into "crisis mode" in a way, meaning that we do what we need to do to maximize happiness. If that meant Mama doing the bulk of the entertaining for a half hour or a leg or the entire journey, we would do that (and then Mama would get a break another time).<br><br>
I found it almost easier to fly partner-free with the two little ones. I had no expectation of getting a break or reading a magazine, so I was 100% focused on getting us to our destination safely and, if possible, happily. Was pretty successful too!
 

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I voted equal amounts but I realized that on the airplane, that is not really true. Due to DD's carseat, she has to sit at the window and due to DH's long legs and small bladder, he needs to sit on the aisle. So that leaves me with the middle seat. Since I am next to DD, I do most of the entertaining although she does usually spend some time on DH's lap.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rainyday</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9011278"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The mother does all the child care/entertainment/herding/clean-up and the father sits there and works on his laptop/chats on his cell/reads a book. I've never understood why so many women put up with it!</div>
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That was us when it was just 3 of us. (DH read books.) Now with 2 kids, it's more evenly divided. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">
 

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We don't fly, but we take plenty of road trips and I was stuck between voting 50/50 and I do more. My Hubby trys to do 50/50, but I drive myself crazy trying to do everything.
 
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