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Lately DS has gotten really angry about limits. For example, he was frustrated with his drum today. He threw it over. I went over to him and picked him up to talk to him about it. Very calmly. He got hysterical as I began to talk to him. Started screaming that I was hurting him because I was holding him (I wasn't -- it's a new thing that when he's mad any touch "hurts"). He kept screaming. Then making horrible faces at me and yelling at me. I explained that the drum needed to take a break because he threw it and that I expected him not to treat me that way. In other situations, he's hit my DP a few times in a time of upset.
Now, I don't feel bad about the limits we set with him, nor about expecting him to use kind words, etc. I also do respect his need to be in touch with and express his anger. BUT, when it becomes hurtful to us, especially physically, I feel like we need to do something. I'm leaning towards telling DS, when he's making terrible faces or yelling "NO" or just screaming at us because he's mad, that I'm going to walk away, that he's welcome to join me when he's calm, but that I can't be around him when he's being so unkind because it hurts my ears, my feelings, etc (whatever applies). I'm not 100% sure about the strategy, though, so I'd like input, other ideas, etc. Somehow this feels different than time out, because it is me walking away giving myself some space and DS space, and not enforcing him needing to stay anywhere for any given time, but I do wonder and worry about the fuzziness of this.
Just to add a bit more detail: When DS is mad like this, he does NOT want to be held, so that's definitely not an option. Sometimes he runs into the other room and calms himself down -- usually takes only 30 seconds. Then I go visit and just start up reading a book, playing, etc. Not rehashing whatever incident occured......
I'd love to hear thoughts......
megin
Now, I don't feel bad about the limits we set with him, nor about expecting him to use kind words, etc. I also do respect his need to be in touch with and express his anger. BUT, when it becomes hurtful to us, especially physically, I feel like we need to do something. I'm leaning towards telling DS, when he's making terrible faces or yelling "NO" or just screaming at us because he's mad, that I'm going to walk away, that he's welcome to join me when he's calm, but that I can't be around him when he's being so unkind because it hurts my ears, my feelings, etc (whatever applies). I'm not 100% sure about the strategy, though, so I'd like input, other ideas, etc. Somehow this feels different than time out, because it is me walking away giving myself some space and DS space, and not enforcing him needing to stay anywhere for any given time, but I do wonder and worry about the fuzziness of this.
Just to add a bit more detail: When DS is mad like this, he does NOT want to be held, so that's definitely not an option. Sometimes he runs into the other room and calms himself down -- usually takes only 30 seconds. Then I go visit and just start up reading a book, playing, etc. Not rehashing whatever incident occured......
I'd love to hear thoughts......
megin
