[ommom]

Hi all,

Our DD is 8 mo & we're cosleeping. DH is into cosleeping til DD expresses a desire/readiness to move to her own bed, including if that is as late as 12 or something like that. I, honestly, would be ready for that transition earlier than that.

I'm curious 'bout people's experiences with this to get a sense of what might be ahead. About when/how did your LO transition. What is your story?

Thanks!

 

[KristyDi]

:

I'm curious too.

 

[AFWife]

Personally, my parents coslept with me and I asked for my own bed sometime before age 2...yes, I did start in their bed occasionally (they worked late so it was allowed because my brother and I put ourselves to bed many nights) but I was pretty independent.

 

[ecoteat]

We set up dd's own room for sleeping when she was 14 months old. We put a twin mattress on the floor of her baby-proofed room with a gate on the door so it would still be easy for me to nurse and lay her down just like we did in my bed. DH and I had decided that we needed to be able to spend time in the evening after she went to bed--safely, not on our high bed in a non-childproofed room. For a few weeks I'd put her to bed and at some point she'd come back to bed with me. Then I discovered it was usually easier to just stay in her bed when she woke up at night. We did that for over a year, but as she got better at sleeping all night I ended up in there less often. After she weaned on her third birthday, helping her back to sleep if she woke up got much simpler--she usually just wanted me to lay next to her and she'd be asleep again in seconds.

 

[Amandamanda]

it was personally pretty easy for us. i thought it'd be much harder..
we started around 12 months btw.

dd (17 months) has always taken NAPS in her own bed, but slept through the night in ours. (and by through the night i mean waking up every few hours to nurse, but still in our bed. not sleeping THROUGH the night)
one day we just decided that when she woke up at night to nurse, we would just start putting her down in her bed. this was the real adjustment, as dh and i were not used to getting up out of bed at night to walk down the hall, etc. etc.
the first night was the hardest, as soon as she was down in her bed she decided she was awake and wanted to play- we took her back to our bed, i nursed her again, she fell asleep, we tried moving her again, she cried. we held her, rocked her, etc. till she fell asleep again. at some point she stayed asleep for the transfer.

the next night was easier- she woke up to nurse around 11, and then she stayed asleep from the beginning and we just put her back in bed and she went to sleep. slept for a few hours and woke up around 4 to nurse, we put her back with no fight and she slept till 8.

it was a gradual transition, and once she learned how to put herself to sleep in her bed for naps she was able to be completely transitioned at any point at night since she knows how to grab her binky and blanket and just go to sleep. (we have never let her cry so that was a bit harder, she played a lot for the first little bit and didnt sleep but eventually got the hang of it.)

 

[sunnygir1]

Our experience is similar to the pp. None of us was getting good sleep, so we decided to try moving her out of our room.

We put a full mattress on the floor in dd's room, which is adjacent to ours. I started by putting her down for naps in there for a few weeks or so. She was still nursing down for naps and bed at that point.

Around 17 months I started putting her down for bed in there. I can't remember if we gated her door or if we gated off the hallway the bedrooms are in (that's what we do now to keep the dogs out of the bedrooms). I would nurse her and/or lie with her until she fell asleep and whenever she woke in the night. At first I would bring her into our bed at some point (toward morning) if she kept waking...or have dh go get her. Some nights (especially during the first trimester of this pregnancy when I was SO tired) I would sleep much of the night in her bed.

Around 18 months we night-weaned. The first few nights or week were rough, but it really helped us all get more sleep after we got used to it. (I started just not nursing between 12 and 5am.) I gradually increased the time as needed.

Around 27 months we weaned completely. We were both ready, and it was a much easier transition than the night-weaning.

She is now 2.5 (31 months) and a for a couple months has been going to bed on her own. I wish I had tried this transition earlier. I was losing my mind lying with her for 20 minutes-2.5 hours every night, never knowing how long it would take her to fall asleep. Now it takes her between 15 minutes and an hour or so, but I can do other things while she is falling asleep.

Each of these transitions has led to more and better sleep for our whole family, and has been good preparation for our new baby's arrival. I still get up at least once most nights, and dd comes into our bed almost every morning and usually goes back to sleep for a while with us.

 

[tankgirl73]

Quote:

DH is into cosleeping til DD expresses a desire/readiness to move to her own bed, including if that is as late as 12 or something like that. I, honestly, would be ready for that transition earlier than that.

First, I LOLed at this. You have a great DH, and we all end up missing our babies once they're gone from our beds, but I TOTALLY relate to the "earlier than THAT" sentiment.

Okay, two different stories from two different kids.

DS -- Co-slept from birth. Around 9mo or so, started putting him in a crib in our room if he went to bed before we did. (No sleep-training or "drowsy but awake", just carefully putting him in after he was sound asleep) When he woke up we'd get him and he'd spend the rest of the night with us.

When he was ~15mo we moved to a new house, and he got his own room with a full single bed raise off the floor with a rail -- not as high as with a boxspring, though. I don't think we started him at nights in there right away, but I honestly don't remember exactly how old he was. He would start the night in there (nurse to sleep) then when he woke up, he'd get up, toddle to our room (no tears or anything) and stay with us for the rest of the night.

He still would join me occasionally well into 4-5yo, it just became less and less frequent as time wore on, or only for a good-morning cuddle, or whatever.

Now DD's story. No crib, ever. Co-slept 100% until 14mo, if she was in bed without us it was still just in our bed, at 14mo we got a child's bed from Ikea and set it up sidecarred. We only had a queen and just needed more space, and I felt that she was ready to start experimenting with being comfortable sleeping on her own a bit more often.

Whenever she was willing, we'd put her down for the night in her bed - it's big enough I can lie down with her to nurse to sleep. She wasn't always willing at first, and I never forced it. Just kept encouraging and trying on other nights. When she woke up, I'd just lean over and pick her up into our bed. Sometimes, if it was very early in the night and I REALLY felt like I needed more time to myself first, then I'd roll myself down into her bed instead, nurse her back to sleep, then climb back out myself lol...

And that was the arrangement until a few months ago, until she was about 30mo or so. Over time, she was just more and more was happy in her own bed. If she stirred in the night, I wouldn't pounce on her instantly - I'd give her a minute first to see if she settled on her own first (she did, more often than not), but "rescued" her instantly as soon as it was apparent she did need me! So, like moving into the bed, it was not a matter of FORCING her to take a particular step. It was more like, experimenting, when I thought she might be ready, giving her the opportunity to see if she would take that step. Then saying "okay, not this time" and happily help her when she needed it.

When she was about 18mo we moved into a new house and she got her own room, and we added a floor mattress in there. She still slept nights in our room, but we'd try to have naps in her room, just to get her used to the idea that this room was another 'acceptable' sleeping place. Mostly, her room is just for her STUFF, not for her sleep.

So I had mentioned the arrangement changed around 30mo or so. We moved her sidecarred bed to the other end of our bedroom. She had been STTN more and more often, not joining me until like 5am or later, and had been re-settling herself to sleep more and more reliably. So I thought it was time to give it a try. I figured we'd give it a week, then move it back if she wasn't happy.

The first night, she cried when she woke up. We called to her and said she could come over into our bed, and she did.

The second night, she got up without crying and came into our bed.

She's now 33mo, and happily associates her bed in its present location as HER sleeping space. She still STTN most nights, comes over to our bed when she needs to, but she often even wakes up, cries out, sits up, fidgets, lies back down, and puts herself back to sleep. She knows that we will help her and nurse her and cuddle with her when she asks, so I'm confident that she's comfortably independent (she loves to do things "BY MYSELF!") and not "forced" into being independent.

The only remaining step will be going to her own room, but we're in no hurry for that. Having her bed across the room gives us very nearly all the sense of space and privacy we need, along with the security of being able to hear her, and be right there right away when she does need us.

Every so often I ask her if she'd like to start the night in her own room, and she says no. So she's not ready yet for that step, but she will be. She has the opportunity -- her bed in there is all set up, she often naps in there, she puts her dolls to bed in there, she even climbs in sometimes all by herself and closes her eyes. So cute! We just keep making sure she has the opportunity, and the understanding that it's an option, then when she's ready, she'll take it.

 

[jenmk]

We have co-slept with all our babies (currently on #4), and have had no troubles with transitioning to their own bed. We have a crib mattress on the floor in our bedroom. When our babies have been maybe 9 or 10 months old, we would start them out on the mattress, then bring them to bed to nurse and sleep the rest of the night in our bed. As they got to a year old and beyond, they stopped waking in the night, so ended up sleeping all night on the crib mattress next to our bed. Somewhere during the second year, we have moved toddlers to another room. (Our first 3 (boys) share a room, and I'm guessing #4 will share with them when she's old enough. Doesn't seem right to banish her to a room by herself.)

We also have an open bed policy, so anyone can come sleep in our bed if they want/need to during the night or in the morning. My 5 yo comes in almost every night when he gets up to pee. My 7yo and 3yo usually stay put (they sleep in the same bed by choice).

 

[kwilki8]

With both dd and ds we started putting them in their crib to start the night at about 12 months, then they would come to our bed whenever they woke up for nursing. Dd did this until about 18 months when she weaned and then she started sleeping all night. Ds is currently 17 months and spends about half the night in bed with us, though he is starting to sleep longer stretches in his crib.

 

[sparklett]

We had a great experience with this.

We decided it was time for a change at 26 months, when we all started to feel really squished in our queen sized bed.

We bought a twin-sized bed with a box spring and frame and I set it up in his room. I put a little pair of stairs at the bottom. I brought in DS and told him that this was HIS very own bed and he could play in it or whatever he wanted. The plan was to not push anything. It he didn't like it, then okay.

Well, he LOVED it! He loved the stairs and from that point on, he has insisted in sleeping in his bed. He's very proud of it and has never once asked to sleep in our bed. I always crawl into bed with him when he asks for me, whether it be at 1am or 7am. If it's still early in the night, I sneak out and go back to my bed. He has been sleeping better overall.

It's been 8 weeks and he's still doing great in his own bed. I would never have considered doing this early- I think he was absolutely ready at 26 months, not earlier.

 

[ommom]

this has been so interesting & helpful, everyone! thank you and keep it comin'!

[and, yes, ;0) i have a great, supportive DH! while other DHs are hankering for their beds back & sex, DH is totally into AP (he's the one who found out about it & introduced me to it) and supportive of BFing, BLW, cosleeping. he is totally cool w/my having no libido rite now & cool w/if it takes til after DD weans for it to come back.]

 

[Monkeygrrl]

We coslept exclusively until the boys were two, then started transitioning them into their own room/bed. We talked up the whole big boy bed thing and then just went with however it happened.

With child 1, I would rock him to sleep then lay him in his bed. When he woke up he would go back to sleep in my bed. We did that for a while, then changed it. When he woke up I would ask him if he wanted to go to sleep in my bed or in his. It was about 50/50. Then I started just putting him back to bed in his own bed. It took about a year and he was in his own bed the whole night.

With child 2, he shared a room with child 1. I started out putting him in his bed when he fell asleep while sitting on the couch with us. When he woke up, he would come back in our bed. Then I started putting him back to bed in his own bed and laying with him as he went back to sleep (Our sleeping arrangements were that there wasn't room for him to come back in our bed - so I went to his). Now they go to their room at 9pm with a movie and he goes to sleep to the movie, or goes asleep just after it's over. When he wakes up he just climbs into our bed and goes back to sleep. Sometimes he will wake up again and go back to his own bed, sometimes not.

They are now 6 and 3.

peace...

 

[kittykat2481]

The transition went much more smoothly than I thought it would.

DS slept with DH and I until he was about 9 months old, and then one evening when we were trying to do something non-baby related (probably a TV show) he fell out of the bed. At that moment I decided he would have to start the evening in his crib, and could come to bed with us when he woke up to nurse (usually around 11pm) and he spent the rest of the evening in our bed. This was OK, but not perfect. DS hated his crib. He had to be sound asleep before I could lay him down, and if his stirred at all, he was crying and wanted out, so we ended up spending a lot of time in there rocking him on many nights. Finally, around 14 months I decided to try making his bed into a toddler bed (it converted) to see what he thought, and he loved it! Shortly after that he started sleeping through the night! Who am I do mess with that? I do miss cuddling him at night, but it was really getting to the point where he had a hard time sleeping with us because he was too distracted. Now we cuddle and watch cartoons on Saturday mornings, and we love it. I still rock him and read to him in our rocking chair every single night, and it's still such a sweet time for us, even though he's recently stopped nursing to sleep, and no longer sleeps in our bed.

 

[beadmama]

DD is 17 months and we want to start this process as well. She has always napped in her room and when she wakes up she comes and finds me in the house. The thing I am worried about is when we start this for nighttime sleep is that she will wander out into the dark house. Is it okay to just put up a baby gate in her doorway at night so she won't wander? Dh just wants me to shut the door all the way but I am not comfortable with that. She can be so quiet when she wakes up sometimes that I don't know that she is even awake and that is with the monitor on the bed with her.

 

[Monkeygrrl]

I put a baby gate in the hallway in our previous house when I found the 3yo looking for me in the middle of the night - walking back up the stairs. *sigh*

If a baby gate is going to make you feel better, and make her safer, then do it. It's certainly better than closing the door (which I hate, but that's me).

peace...

 

[Llyra]

We made the transition for each kiddo right around a year old, give or take a few months. DD1 at 15 months, DD2 at around 10 months, and DS at 12 months exactly. We made a gradual move, starting with a separate sleep surface in the same room, and then a parent sleeping in the child's own new room. The transition was made easier for the younger two because they were being transitioned into a room with their siblings, which helped a lot. They all still share the one big room, and they sleep very well, barring the occasional "party" at bedtime.

The transitions were in all cases very slow-- it took DD1, for example, five months to make the move completely. She started with a sidecar at 10 months, and she was 15 months when she got her own room.

I moved DD1 because none of us were getting any sleep, and she so clearly wanted her own space. I moved the twins because I was seriously ill and unable to tolerate night nursing anymore, and up a thousand times in the bathroom all night so that I was waking them up. I moved one twin at a time a few months apart, because it was easier to work with one child at a time.

FWIW, we nightweaned DD2 and DS simultaneous with making the move.

The kids do still occasionally sleep with us, for illness or stressful nights or scary dreams or thunderstorms, and also sometimes just for fun. Once they were fully weaned, they were able to cosleep and still sleep soundly all night. I think the girls adapted very well to the move. DS wasn't ready- if my own health wasn't such an issue, I think he would have coslept long-term and been better off for it.

 

[RoadBuddy]

My DS was maybe 23 months. We bought him a double bed and lay down in it with him to get him to sleep at night, then leave. Then go in when he wakes up, get him back to sleep, and leave. If he wakes up after 3 or 4 AM, then DH or I finish the night with him in his bed. He wakes up anywhere between once and three times, and gets back to sleep quite quickly. He's getting better at getting himself down - he'll sometimes wake up, say something or whine, then be back asleep before I can get out of bed.

We coslept from birth. Our bed is high, so once he started rolling and trying to get out, we put the mattress on the floor with a crib mattress next to it. The idea was to move him to the crib mattress, right next to us, like a sidecar. However, if we were in the room he would crawl over and end up sleeping in our bed. Either he wasn't ready yet, or does better in his own room.

I wanted to wait until he was old enough for a big bed to really work on this, so I didn't have to introduce a crib then take it away a year later. I also like having a full size (double) adult bed for him - we can sleep in it with him when needed, but it keeps him from going back into our bed. Plus as a kid who has always slept in a queen bed or larger he wouldn't have liked a small sleeping area.