When is it time to let go?

I know to well the pain you feel from realizing you need to make a decision.

I could only say you need to listen to your heart and your head. The stronger of the two will be your answer.

listen to your heart ...

I am asking this question myself, and can relate. For me, I have stayed because I wanted to honor my promise... the through thick and thin stuff. So for years I would keep trying. We now have a child together, and I sometimes feel like my ds is the only thing holding me here. Looking back, The bottom line is that no matter what has gone on, my ability to find hope and look on the bright side has gotten me through.

So if you're looking for reasons to stay and work things out, then do everything you can think of and more... read books and go to counseling. But if your situation is unhealthy for you or your dc, then you would have a more immediate need to make a decision.

As I read your post, I was thinking of how "ideally" marriage doesn't have an ending point... except perhaps when we pass away. Obviously life is complicated and we look for ways out. If you're physically safe, and you're willing to stick it out... I'd say to stay... but have a plan to address your concerns and a plan to improve your relationship (it doesn't have to be a rigid and exact plan... I'm thinking something like, just start out trying to have fun again with one another, then work toward the bigger issues... perhaps with a counselor... give it a time frame... mix things up a bit by getting away together... or spend time by yourself). If you stay and both you and dp continue with same behaviors and patterns, then nothing could be expected to improve.

It's easy to see greener pastures when things are tough... it's understandable to think if you weren't together the problems would be gone.... but then you'd still have to see one antoehr and work together to raise your child. Hold onto the fact that you loved enough to marry, and it's possible to love that much again. You are right to worry about the impact your decision would have on your child's life. I agree with everyone that your question is a deeply personal question that none of us can answer for you... Other than what I've already said, I would recommend exhausting each marriage improvement idea you can find, until you know for sure you're done with the relationship.

Of course this is just my humble opinion... I almost wonder if I'm writing this to give myself a pep talk to stay in my marriage. No matter what you choose, best wishes I hope you find happiness!

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have no advice, just .

I agree with most of the posters -- it is such a huge, difficult decision to make and obviously should be made after much thought, meditation, discussion, prayer (if that's your thing), planning and consideration (ecxept of course in situations of immediate threat to safety).

I don't agree that you should stay at all costs. I did take a vow for life and I do plan to honor that, and I do realize there are rough patches in any marriage, issues, problems that may arise... but I don't know how I would feel if it seemed NOTHING worked and I was living YEARS of unhappiness... I may consider divorce.

You didn't give enough detail for me to give an opinion either way --- if he is like, a drug addict who steals money from your child's savings to get high -- yeah, I would say consider leaving unless he gets help now..... if he is leaving his dirty socks on the floor every single day despite your requests to pick them up, that is very annoying but not somethig to leave over -- know what I mean? I know I am illustrating two extremes, and there is a world of grey in there....

One word of advice I would give you is to try and make any big decisions in calm, quiet meditiative moments... life altering decisions should never be made after huge arguements or hurt feelings etc... How do you feel when things are good (or what you consider good for your relationship)? If you still feel you can't live with him when things are calm and (somewhat) normal, then I would say there is your answer.