Mothering Forum banner

1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
510 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I think what is keeping me going after losing our precious little Aden<br>
is looking into the future. Dh and I have both decided that it would be best to ttc asap, I feel a little guilty but I know I will never forget my first born he will always be on my mind and in my heart.<br>
I just need to hear some success stories and how you felt or feel about ttc after the loss of a child.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,846 Posts
We found out that we would m/c in December '05 due to a blighted ovum. I miscarried very late Jan '06 at 17.5 weeks. We are actually TTC officially this month. I think it depends on the situation each person experiences...if we had had a full term loss, I don't think I would be mentally ready for another baby right now. I have been wanting to be pregnant again so strongly...<br>
I am sorry for the loss of your Aden...you are in my prayers.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
Well Like As I Responded To Your Story I Went Thru A Similar Thing PTL In June 05 And I Had A Csection To Deliver My Son It Was Pretty Hard Physically And I Said Iw As Gonna Wait Like Yr To Give My Body Time To Heal As Well As My Heart But When I Went To My Post Appt The Dr Said I Should Wait Like At Least Six Months Well I Got Pregnant Again In Nov And I Am Now 19wks Pregnant And It Is Goin Wonderfully I Am Writing Because I Know How U Feel And I Know I Cant Replace My Lil Man But I Can Bring Another Human Being Into This World And Not Hold What Happened Against Being Happy Ya Know ..i Still Grieve When I Look At The Pics And Look At The Stuff From The Hosptial But I Figure What Happened Happened Who Is To Say It Will Happen Again...i Cant Spend My Life Being Scared I Have To Move On But Not Lose The Memory Of My Son I Lost..this Is My Second Loss Actually In 94 I Lost A Lil Boy At 6wks Due To Sids And Then Had My Other Son The Next Yr And He Is Ten Now And I Dont Regret It At All .<br>
I Think That Basically Is Ur Decision And Ur Dh's Ya Know Its When Ur Ready And Jus Because Ur Ready Doesnt Mean U Have Erased The Memory Or Ur Son Or The Experience Out Of Ur Mind Or Hearts Its That U Want To Move On And Try Again To Become A Mom I Think U Would B Wonderful Mother My Thought And Hugs Go Out To U ..i Wish I Had This Place To Come To When I Lost My Sons It Is Wonderful U Realize That Ur Not The Only One Who Has Loss ,,,
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
664 Posts
This is the hardest part for me right now. Because of possibly being Rh sensitized during the miscarriage or even during my last birth, I can't even know if I will have another one for three months. If the test comes back that I am indeed sensitized, I will probably not try again. It would be considered a high risk pregnancy and without having maternity insurance it would kill us financially. Successfull outcomes are quite common with sensitized pregnancies, so it is not impossible or anything. It is just a matter of choice and since I already have two healthy wonderful children I think I would have to give up on the dream of three. My pregnancy and birth of my son almost two years ago was such bliss, I would hate to have a highly managed pregnancy full of tests and poking and prodding. It's just not me. I just wish I could know now and deal with the inevitable depression that will be sure to come with the knowledge of never having another pregnancy or baby again.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
743 Posts
adensmommy,<br>
for my husband and i, it seemed like we wanted to ttc right away, and we did as soon as my body was ready. i just wanted to tell you that it has been my experience that ttc while you are grieving the loss of a baby has been very hard on me emotionally. that hasn't prevented us from going on, but my state of being is greatly affected by the grief i feel every day. i actually got pregnant but lost that baby at 11 weeks. that pregnancy was so full of stress, and it almost broke me on top of the greiving i was doing for my daughter. then losing the baby was just so close to impossibly sad. to lose 2 in a year, well, that is a risk that you take when you ttc right away again. if i was in my 20's, i would have waited to ttc, or taken a break at least, until i really felt like the intense loss and active greiving was stable in my life, i'm just guessing a year or 2 or 3? but i am 'old' enough that i need to ttc without dillydallying around. so it is a complicated emotional journey. but, WANTING to ttc shortly after the loss of a baby is very healthy and normal and you should try not to let guilt weigh you down if you decide to ttc again soon. it is also very normal and acceptable to decide not to ttc, too. the best thing to do is listen to your heart, listen to your instinct, talk to your husband about it and let there be clarity in the choice. you get one try with each month, and you can always change your mind the next month if it is too much. keep listening to yourself, and honor your feelings. they are the best gauge to follow with such an important decision.<br>
and again, i am so sorry you have lost your sweet son. i have said his name many times today and it is a beautiful, musical name, aden allen. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> 's to you, you are not alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,192 Posts
Because we had a full-term birth and my son was alive during labor and delivery (passed away during crowning), my OB wants us to wait 6 months--we started TTC at the 6 month mark, although we're still terrified of doing it all again...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
526 Posts
I wasn't full term, but the doctors still told me to wait three months. I had my son in September, and when I went in for my 6 week check up, I asked the student if I really had to wait the three months. She said "yes, you need the time for your body to heal..." In my own opinion, I figured I had just given birth so my body was already ready so why wait. I actually got pregnant the day before my 6 week check-up. So the point of that question was out of content I guess since I was already pregnant.<br><br><br>
The whole decision to when to try was up in the air. I wanted to try again as I am very regular and have the exact day when I ovulate calculated and everything.... DH, on the otherhand, wanted to wait the three months to make sure I was alright. (I had just had a mc in January, in which I once again planned to get pregnant and did with my son in February... He just wanted me to give my body a rest.) Well, I didn't wait the 6 weeks to have sex, and we did the deed on a Sunday before work, and actually I didn't notice until later that night that Monday was when I ovulated. So here I am now, 23 weeks pregnant today, with another except that this is (I'm pretty sure) a girl.<br><br>
It is really hard for me. I was thinking about having a 3-D ultrasound to see this baby, as I feel neurotic though, because I planned on having one with Jase but he was already gone. It should be him I go to see, not another baby. But sh*t happens... I am slowly getting adjusted to thinking that this baby will live, since I have no idea why Jase died (except for something I just found in his first ultrasound????). I have no reason to think that this will or will not happen again. It is just that we are all not so naive after a loss.<br><br>
I don't regret trying right away. I love this baby. I just wish that my little Jase was here, and I had another on the way, instead of only another on the way. It is so hard. Trying again is a very personal situation. Many want to wait and grieve over their child, others want to try again right away to have the child that they should already have. Jase will always be my little boy, and he is going to have a little sister soon, and my oldest has two little siblings. He talks about Jase, went to see him with us, and misses him as much as all of us do.<br><br>
Love,<br>
Mary
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
656 Posts
I would echo coralsmom exactly. I wanted to ttc again immediately after my first loss (full term), and did. I got pg nine weeks later. Unfortunately, I m/c at six weeks. It was probably too soon physically, but esp. emotionally. Like coralsmom said, being pg again made me a complete basket case. Now my doc has told us to wait six months, so if we feel up to it, we will try again in July/Aug. Two losses in four months was really too hard on us. Weigh all the pros and cons before you ttc again right away.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,949 Posts
It depends on your health and emotions. Some people want to right away and others need time...I still don't know what I am doing yet. I told my dh that I was supposed to be holding uor new baby this year and I just want that to happen like it was supposed to! I also need my body to heal and feel like it can handle another pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us, Jennifer
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,481 Posts
Well I am thinking I am ready some days and then some days I feel like I will have a panic attack just thinking about being pregnant.<br>
I lost my son full term due to a cord accident during the delivery so they told us it would be best to wait til close to a year to TTC again. We are planning on starting by the end of the summer (August or so) and our baby was born last September 30th. I am not ready now but feeling more and more ready as time goes by. Somedays I wish I was pregnant now so I could get it over sooner. You know?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,196 Posts
Deciding to have nother baby after Jacob died was a very hard decision, I think alot of it was being so very very scared that "it" could happen again. But, we wanted another child, so we put our fears on hold after he had been gone a year and 4 months and conceived another child, Corey was born the 4th of this month, and while I thank goodness everyday that he doesnt look anything like Jacob ( I know that is probably wrong of me) I am happy we had another, and I remind myself everyday of how very very lucky we were to have and hold Jacob for the few months we did, I would take that anyday over never having him at all. I think it is something you have to be emotionally ready for. Both of you have to be ready. You and your family are in our thoughts, and again, I really am so sorry for your loss...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,949 Posts
I am having a hard time with not having a baby today <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I hope everyone here is okay. I still don't know when TTC
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
510 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I want to thank you all for you input you are a great bunch of gals too bad we had to all meet this way.<br><br>
I have decided we are going to start as soon as we get the green light hopefully in 5 or 6 weeks.<br><br>
My feelings of not wanting to replace sweet little Aden are gone (atleast for now). I know he knew mommy loved him and still loves him but I also feel that he would want his mommy and daddy to be happy. And although I would give anything to have him back I know that its just not possible and I want a baby.<br><br>
Thanks again girls<br>
love brandi
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top