[twopinknoblue]

So, we've had this happen to us several times........at the park, at the zoo's playground, and today at the indoor play area at the mall. When we go to these places there are often other people there who have children that are a)too big for the equipment they are playing on and b) down right rude and rough. I have 2 girls, 3 1/2 years and 9 months, and they are sweet gentle little things and I'm never sure how to handle when other kids start getting rough with them, especially when the other parents are around and not doing anything to correct their kids behavior.<br><br>
Example, we are at the play area in the mall today, it's a small tree house with a slide, some turtles for climbing on and some wall puzzles, it's clearly for younger children and the posted rules even state that it for children 42" and under. Well, we are there playing today, my older DD is running around climbing on the turtles and climbing the tree to use the slide. My younger DD likes to crawl around chasing her sister and climb on the turtles and play with the wall puzzles. There were lots of kids there today (it's cold and rainy here today) and everyone was playing well together. Then they show up, the family with one child who is the appropriate size for the area and one child who is clearly waaaaaay too big. Well, the bigger child starts running crazy all over the place, pushing smaller children off of the turtles, pushing in front of DD1 as she's climbing the ladder to the slide, sliding down the slide before the other small children have made it off, pushing DD2 out of the way while she was playing with wall puzzles...........you get the picture. As all of this is happening, mom is sitting digging through her bag, reading stuff on her PDA, talking on her cell phone and pretty much anything else she can do to NOT pay attention to her children.<br><br>
Well, usually in these situations I will just take my children to a different area to play, and engage them so that they stay away from the "rough" kids. However, today was different, the play area isn't huge, so there aren't many other areas to move to, and no matter where I took my children he was always there pushing and generally being rough. So, after I'd had enough I politely asked him to please be more careful around the small children, to which he went promptly to his mother and told her. Well, of course, she comes to me and asks if I have a problem. Not wanting to lose my cool in front of my kids (and believe me there we plenty of "uncool" things I wanted to say to her) I said to her that I thought he was being too rough for the other children in the area and that he was clearly too big for the equipment in the area. The mother mumbled something under her breath and then said "well, what am I supposed to do with him while my smaller son plays?" and walked off before I could respond. If I were in a similar situation I think I would explain to my older child that it's a place for small children and that she could play as long as she was gentle and curteous, and that if she couldn't play nicely with the small children she would have to sit beside me and do something else like color or look at books.<br><br>
Anyway, I guess what I'm getting at is, what would/have you mama's do/done in similar situations? Was I wrong to ask someone else's child to take it easy a bit? And, why on earth do people bring their kids to places like this and not pay a lick of attention to them?

 

[*daciaperfect*]

i get so frustrated with kids who are clearly too big playing in little kid play areas. and especially more frustrated with parents of any child who doesnt pay attention to their child at the play areas. i have done the same thing you did and would do it again, if DD wasnt too tall for play areas now.

 

[lilgreen]

No, not at all. I think that as long as you say it in a straight forward and polite way with no 'tone' then it's a good thing to do. Also, I think it's better to speak to the child directly than to go through his mom... for obvious reasons.<br><br>
What you did was exactly what I would have done.<br><br>
lilgreen

 

[mommy68]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>twopinknoblue</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7897750"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">As all of this is happening, mom is sitting digging through her bag, reading stuff on her PDA, talking on her cell phone and pretty much anything else she can do to NOT pay attention to her children.</div>
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This is something I do when I take my kids to a playground or park AND I'm not doing it to ignore my children. They are old enough to play alone together. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> However, I don't completely ignore my children and if they were doing anything wrong I would hope another parent would let me know. Why don't you approach the parents of the bad kids? or if they seem unapproachable maybe let their child know they are being too rough. Maybe you could also contact whoever is in charge and let them know this stuff is happening so they post signs regarding the rules.

 

[LynnS6]

I think you did just fine.<br><br>
We have an indoor play area at a mall near us, and there are ALWAYS kids who are too big for it there. I have some sympathy because our son was basically too tall when he was about 3, because he's so tall for his age. He's 5 going on 6 now, and still gets play value there. I watch him carefully. He's generally a cautious kid, and all I have to say is "watch out for the little ones" to remind him.<br><br>
But there are other parents who don't. I have called those kids on it. I usually get down on their level, put my hand on their shoulder and (a) point out that they nearly (or did) bump a little one and (b) that because they're so big, they have to be extra careful. I've never had one go to their parents. If they did, I would say "I was worried that your son/daughter was going to hurt one of the little kids, and I reminded him to be careful because he's so much bigger than they are." If they have a problem with it, so be it. (The "I was worried" phrasing usually helps keep it from looking like you're accusing them too.)

 

[CarrieMF]

I think you did the right thing. If she wants to do something she could be watching her children and asking them to settle down and not be rough.<br><br>
At the end of playschool last year they rented on of the Field Houses at the Multiplex. There were over 120kids who were just playschool kids plus their siblings. My youngest gets overwhelmed in crowds and honestly it was too much for me too.<br><br>
They had all sorts of equipment out. In 1 spot they had a bounce house. I am 5ft 4 and this thing was a bit shorter than me so it was obviously meant for the smaller kids. There were 9yo's who would run and then jump onto it. There was a blown up ramp to get into it. my kids(who were 4, 5, & 7) had trouble climbing up it. There would normally be room for 3-4 kids in it safely and there would be over 10 in it plus 7 on the ramp thing to get in. I asked a couple of the kids to not be so rough as they were literally climbing ontop of other kids to get in first. Finally I grabbed a couple(gently but still enough that I meant it) and either told them that so and so was going first so they had to wait or I took them off and told them to stop it. It wasn't just for my kids either, there were 18-24month olds being climbed on or pushed out of the way(not sure where their parents were either). Finally my youngest(4 and she was part of the playschool) had enough and wanted me to just hold her so I went to the car and grabbed the Mei Tai and put her in it. Then I was able to at least play with my other 2 in a spot that wasn't so hectic. I was quite thankful that my 4yo's class was first called for food so we could get out of there. It was awful and we'll be doing it again in 7 weeks.

 

[shaykismama]

I would've done exactly what you did. Also, if it were my child that was being too rough and crazy, and I didn't see it for some reason, I would honestly welcome another mother telling her to be careful aound the little ones.

 

[Tanibani]

My 7 yr old is now too big for the area and the last few times we've gone, he is running around like crazy, chasing, and playing and having fun.<br><br>
BUT... I talk to him and tell him to stop running or we leave (because clearly it's not safe for the little ones).<br><br>
And he stops.<br><br>
I would have no problem someone telling him to stop.<br><br>
Now he is happy to wear his heelies and ride around on the outside, while my youngest plays in the inside. That's our compromise.<br><br>
You did nothing wrong by talking to the parent.<br><br>
If you gently & respectfully talk to the children, you'll find that they are receptive. If not, then go to the parent.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/offtopic.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="offtopic"><br><br>
and boys are different... they love to play rough, push, chase, etc... they are full of testosterone. I remind him and whatever new little friend he is playing with, to make sure the game is Ok with the other. If so, then fine.

 

[Ceili]

I don't think you were wrong at all. I'm sure I'm accused of being a "helicopter mommy" at the playground but ds is a gentle sort of child and until I started helping him take his turn would simply stand back out of the way and never get a chance to play himself. So if he's needing to take his time climbing the ladder I stand beside the ladder and keep my arm across it and under him. I don't think twice about saying "Please wait your turn" to anyone who comes along and looks in a hurry and my arm being there keeps them from shoving past ds.

 

[newmommy]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mommy68</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7898914"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Why don't you approach the parents of the bad kids?</div>
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You can't always tell who the Parents are. Especially if it's on a busy day.

 

[magpie mamma]

This is a hard one, but I think you did the right thing. I dealt with this alot with my first DD. She would just get run over, still does in a way. I think it is fine to be there and monitor turns. Sometimes just saying to my DC, remember to stand here and wait your turn is enough, if not, I speak up and let the other child know. I figure I need to model a way to deal with the situation, because DD just keeps backing up, but did not want to move to something else. I also think the mother knew and did not know how to handle it gracefully.

 

[mamaduck]

Another mom here, with boys who were too big before they were too old. It would have been too sad to restrict them from playgrounds because of their size, when they were still young enough to enjoy themselves. I want to keep them young at heart as long as possible. BUT, my boys are very gentle with small children. Parents are quick to ask them to be the ones to climb up the structure and retrieve/rescue their little kids for them.<br><br>
I think you did exactly right -- I always speak directly to the other kids too, and make positively phrased requests for gentle play. However, I just want to caution mamas in general not to be quick to judge a child who is too big, especially a boy. Sometimes my older son will be treated with a lot of suspicion and resentment, before he's had a chance to prove that he is gentle and kind. It isn't fair.

 

[twopinknoblue]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamaduck</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7918710"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Another mom here, with boys who were too big before they were too old. It would have been too sad to restrict them from playgrounds because of their size, when they were still young enough to enjoy themselves. I want to keep them young at heart as long as possible. BUT, my boys are very gentle with small children. Parents are quick to ask them to be the ones to climb up the structure and retrieve/rescue their little kids for them.<br><br>
I think you did exactly right -- I always speak directly to the other kids too, and make positively phrased requests for gentle play. However, I just want to caution mamas in general not to be quick to judge a child who is too big, especially a boy. Sometimes my older son will be treated with a lot of suspicion and resentment, before he's had a chance to prove that he is gentle and kind. It isn't fair.</div>
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The boy in my OP was not only too big, he was obviously not the appropriate age either, and his play was completely inappropriate for the children that the are was intended for. But, I completely understand about having tall kids, mine are both tall for their ages as well.