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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What do you do when people "correct" or discipline your child with things you don't care about? I am not talking about spanking or anything over the top, but small stuff.

I pretty much let DD get into and explore whatever she wants, as long as it isn't dangerous and she helps me clean up after wards (she is 20 months) I let her take ornaments off the Christmas tree (I put the soft and plastic ones within her reach), I let her play with the mini chopper in the kitchen (I remove the blade, of course), I let her walk around with picture frames because she likes to look at pictures of mommy and daddy. The grandmothers feel otherwise. She should only play with toys and they take stuff away from her that I let her play with or they tell her no to things I never her tell her no. None of this stuff is dangerous by any means, they just feel that she should not play with it because I guess it's not a toy?

The other day DD ask to go in her high chair (I have no idea why, she is almost too big for it, but if it makes her happy, you know?) my MIL was saying stuff to her how she was a "big girl" and shouldn't be in it. Then DD started playing with the toys attached to it and MIL said to me "I was going to take those off, they are too young for her - is that okay" I told her no, she was having fun and to leave her alone.

I just don't know how to react - one the one hand I know it's just habit on how parents raised kids 30 years ago and it's nothing major, but on the other hand, they are correcting my child, and it over steps boundaries, I think.

Does this happen to anyone else? What do you do?
 

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Big background questions that would significantly change my advise -- Is this your house or theirs? Do they have any ownership interest in the house or stuff? Do they live with you or are we talking about a once-a-week visit?

Assuming that this is your house, they are visiting, and the stuff that your child is playing with is solely yours, then I think you need to politely say, "Please do not correct her, she is fine and I am fine with what she is doing." Repeat as necessary. You can be polite about it, but you will need to be firm. Think of it as using gentle discipline with your MIL. If necessary, redirect her! "MIL, DD is fine. Would you please stir the soup/check the roast/get the mail?"

Of course, if this is in her house, then I think you have to teach your daughter to respect her boundaries. And provide plenty of toys as distraction from other things.

The only thing you mentioned that might be a safety issue is if the picture frames had glass. If that were true then I think I would purchase a handful of plastic/plexiglass frames and make those the ones she can reach.
 

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I would probably just tell whoever is doing the correcting that we're ok with our child playing with XYZ or doing whatever. Then, telling your child "It's ok, you can play with that, Gramma didn't know it was ok." If Gramma starts to argue, then you might have to be more direct and firm with her. That's usually what I say when someone tries to correct my child "That's ok, we allow that." If it's like the picture frame or something that others might consider too fragile, I'd say "Don't worry, dd knows how to handle it." Which lets daughter know that you have trust in her. Unless it's someone else's fragile thing that she's handling, then I'd explain to dd that you know she can take care of it, but gramma doesn't want her to play with it.

As for the toys being too "young", you could ask a question to make gramma think. "hmm, do you think there's harm in it?"

People just looove to correct kids.
 

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Sounds kind of like a day with my MIL.

Don't have much advice on what to say ... I always say he's happy, just leave him. She stops for a moment and then moves onto pestering him about something else
:

She is a lovely MIL in most ways but this drives me up the wall ... no matter how much I try to just bear with it for the visit.

I agree with you, as long as it's not dangerous, I have no problem with him playing with or investigating anything.

It doesn't seem to be an issue with anyone other than MIL, everyone else seems to realize he's safe and happy and leave him alone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
It's my house, if it was their house, then I believe it's their rules (plus I think they probably have much nicer things than I do) But these are things in our house. I thought most of my picture frames were plexiglass, but I may have to check them out.

They don't live with us, but MIL visits about once a week, and my mom visits about the same, but my mom isn't as bad with the correcting. Of course in her house, she can say whatever, she has a lot of breakables out, but she will still let DD touch them, but not hold them. MIL is much weirder about things and really oversteps her boundaries I think.

Maybe MIL bothers me so much because I just don't get along with her, but I think it's more MIL than my mother. What is really weird is that if anyone else corrects DD (like my FIL) she will say "don't correct other people's kids" to him and I am amazed that she doesn't take her own advice.
Maybe that is what bugs me so much. She doesn't see what she does as "correcting".
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by lillymonster View Post
It's my house, if it was their house, then I believe it's their rules (plus I think they probably have much nicer things than I do) But these are things in our house.
In this case people get a "it's okay that he does xxx" from me. I don't really have this problem so I never have to say it more than once to someone. If someone was always correcting though and wasn't getting the hint, I would have to be a little more direct with them.

If it was their house, then I would respect their rules.
 

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Originally Posted by transformed View Post
the question for me is, what do you do when dp corrects your kids, any age, and you dont think its nessicary.
.



I don't know, but let me know when you find out please!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by lillymonster View Post
Maybe MIL bothers me so much because I just don't get along with her, but I think it's more MIL than my mother. What is really weird is that if anyone else corrects DD (like my FIL) she will say "don't correct other people's kids" to him and I am amazed that she doesn't take her own advice.
Maybe that is what bugs me so much. She doesn't see what she does as "correcting".
If you've talked to her and she still isn't listening, I'd just do what she does...

Say "Don't correct other people's kids."
 

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Oh I agree people LOVE to correct kids. It is very irritating. My girls have the most unusual toys....feather dusters, wooden spoons, bowls, empty laundry detergent bottles (after they have been rinsed!) and other odd stuff and my relatives are ALWAYS on them and me about how they should be playing with "toys" and not objects. Makes no sense and I tell them that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
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Originally Posted by mytwogirls View Post
Oh I agree people LOVE to correct kids. It is very irritating. My girls have the most unusual toys....feather dusters, wooden spoons, bowls, empty laundry detergent bottles (after they have been rinsed!) and other odd stuff and my relatives are ALWAYS on them and me about how they should be playing with "toys" and not objects. Makes no sense and I tell them that.
Yeah, that is my DD, I actually can't get her to play with toys, she seems to get bored by them (I guess, she just doesn't like them for some reason) but if I give her measuring spoons, cups and a magazine, she is happy for hours.
I don't know anyone thinks it's wrong, she can entertain herself if we are someplace without toys, and I don't need to lug them around to keep her busy.
 

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I'd tell her that you put those toys there for her to play with and put back when she is done and correct her by saying "she's fine she can do that."
I do however have to say that I thought that it was perfectly fine for dd to carry around our ceramic decorations because I assumed that they wouldn't break easily and would shatter in a safe way if they did break and this turned out to be completely incorrect. You might ask her why she thinks something is unsafe because my mother had been telling me these were unsafe and why based on her past experience and I didn't listen to that. She may have some past experience that is guiding her to this reaction.
 

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since the MIL uses those words exactly, "don't correct other people's kids", you should *jokingly* throw those back at her, along with a good laugh, and say: like you always say.

my DD is 2.5 years, and my mother has commented a few times about potty training, which, believe you me, we are going to get to. however DD is currently adament that she is "little" and therefore goes in a diaper. she says when she is "big" she will go in a toilet. my mom started to respond to that and DD got very upset; i ended that conversation by looking at DD and saying, "you can keep going in the diaper if that's what you want. grandma is not in charge of that." DD was happy and my mom stopped talking about it.

as for in your own house, your own stuff. be direct and say, "it's ok she can have it." if it persists, or they take the object out of your child's hands, take it from them, give it back to the child and say, "really. please. let her have that."

they better respect you. this business about having raised kids 30 years ago doesn't fly with me. that's history. it's your turn now, just like it will be your daughter's turn to raise *her kids, her way* 30 years from now.
 

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I would definetly try to use your MIL's word "correct". You don't have to use her same line that she dishes out to FIL, but maybe if you use the word "correct" she will see that she really is correcting your kid. Maybe something like, "I'm watching her, and I can correct her if I need to." Or just, "It's ok, you don't have to correct her, I can do it" What about joking with her that now that since she is grandma her disciplining days are over, and to leave the "bad guy" job for the mom!? Just a thought.
DD is only 16 months, so we don't get this a lot yet, but I know it's coming, and I'm not looking forward to it!
 

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My best friend ALWAYS corrects DD. It is so iriitating. She will CLAP her hands or yell "NO!" and it startled DD and myself...very annoying. Esp when we are out in public and DD wants to play with something in a shop..she was playing bongos and my friend starts yelling at her....
: I've had a few talks with her but I think time away from her works best.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by jazzybaby9 View Post
My best friend ALWAYS corrects DD. It is so iriitating. She will CLAP her hands or yell "NO!" and it startled DD and myself...very annoying. Esp when we are out in public and DD wants to play with something in a shop..she was playing bongos and my friend starts yelling at her....
: I've had a few talks with her but I think time away from her works best.
I would stand an 1inch from her head, clap right into her ears and yell NO YELLING AND CLAPPING AT MY CHILD, IT IS VERY ANNOYING!!!!!!!
 

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Thankfully, we haven't run into this too much yet, but we did have some issues with my (childless) SIL when she came out for dd's first birthday. We don't really say "no" whenever we can avoid it...occasionally, we do say, "Oh, no mouth, Lucy" (but I try to rephrase when I can think of something!) ONLY if it's something that will really be ruined or harm her from chewing on it. SIL apparently thought that meant she should say it to every.single.thing that our 1 yo put in her mouth. Which was, of course, practically everything. Or she'd leave her dishes on the coffee table in dd's reach and just say, "No Lucy!" when dd reached for them, instead of, you know, putting them in the kitchen.
I was trying to let it slide and redirect dd--and remind myself that 6 days of SIL doing it while visiting wouldn't scar dd for life--but finally I cracked. Dh and I vented to each other about it (it was upsetting him and my mom as well, who lives upstairs) and finally, I started responding with, "Oh that's fine, she can chew on/play with/touch that." I think I only had to say it once or twice, so I'm hoping it got the point across.

If it were someone we saw more often, someone who I think really should know better, or anything more severe than what SIL said, I would've stepped in and gone into the "this is how we parent" talk. MIL, FIL and BIL will be here after Christmas and I'm hoping there will be no issues. I do love the ILs, so I'm chalking it up to SIL just really not having any much experience with children.
 

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My cousin's wife who I hardly know and see maybe MAYBE twice a year likes to correct my daughter. I just keep saying, "DD, it's ok if you have that/eat that/stand there/touch that" and ignore the cousin's wife. Either she'll figure out that she should shut the heck up or she won't but I'm not getting into it with her, nor am I letting her pester the dickens out of my child.

In my house with people I actually like (or at my mom's, where I know the house rules) I tell people I actually LIKE that we let her do that, she knows how to do that, she knows how to be careful with whatever and most everyone else seems to get it.
 

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I had plenty of family members who did this when my kids were little. If at all possible, i would let them have their interaction and stay out of it. If my child became upset or came to me then i would involve myself and let the family member know that this activity was "allowed".

I think that kids learn that different things are "ok" with different people. I tried really hard to let their relationship be "theirs" and not to manage it myself.

My brother who was a teenager/young man when my kids were little was notorious for "correcting" my kids.. it really bugged me at first ... but i realized it was important for them to find their own way together.

eta" i would however find private time with my brother to explain how and why i have the "rules" that i do
 
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