[greenlace]

ok this may be me being paranoid but i have a REALLY big problem with people i don't know touching my 6mo. she is not vaxxed so it freaks me out A LOT.

i hope i don't sound like i'm bragging but my dh is cute. real cute. like a little porcelain baby doll. actually for the first few months i thought "yeah she's a cute baby, but not exceptional, or even beautiful." i didn't want to feel i was seeing her through rose colored glasses.

ever since she was a newborn though (she never looked "smushed"), i have people do double takes and actually stop their cars in the middle of the street (ok that only happened once) to comment on how beautiful she is. it also dosen't help that she LOVES people and always has a smile.

i don't know how to be tactful or sometimes say anything at all

. strangers ask to hold her or when they start touching her

: , usually i'll say something lame like "she hasn't had her shots" but that's so thin and fake feeling. i was hoping some of you mamas had a few suggestions. i'm not very good at standing up for my beliefs or feelings without coming across as defensive so that makes it even harder.

i've considered many times getting onesies printed up that say:

"YAH, I'M CUTE..........DON'T TOUCH ME."

 

[mamaverdi]

Read some more about healthy immune systems to educate yourself about your decision not to vaccinate. Children need to be held and touched and exposed to germs.

I don't think it's too much to ask other people to show more respect for your space...but don't let it be based on some idea that she is weak and feeble from not being vax'ed.

Why not get a mei tai or some such to keep her really close to you?

Appropriate touching and appropriate germ exposure are both a good thing.

I would really want to try to clarify to myself why this would freak me out so much, if it were me. Sure no, I don't want people sneezing and coughing on my kid. But I want my kids to be part of their community and get to meet other people. I often have people at restaurants or anywhere come and up and talk to my babies/kids.

I'm not saying your feelings are wrong; but I think they are a little ... I guess....over-protective? If that's even the right word.

Just rambling here...

mv

 

[RockStarMom]

This drives me nuts too. I've only had one stranger ask to hold her, and I got so flustered because it caught me off guard but I just said she was about to eat and whipped my boob out.

I decided that if someone ever asked again, I would just say that she cries when unfamiliar people hold her, but it never did happen again(probably because she's always in the sling).
With the touching thing, I have no advice...people always did it before I could stop it. Ugh.

 

[AlbertaJes]

I had my DD in the sling the other day while I was shopping and some woman still touched her. It didn't bother me *that* much, but I was a little weirded out that she would do that without even talking to me first. She just petter DD's head and then smiled at me.

 

[danigrl]

I'm hearing what your saying. And, yes it's really disturbing when complete strangers walk up to your baby and touch them

Where do they get off thinking they can lay their grubby (not all but some) hands on your clean baby, right? And the worst part is exactly where their hands were before touching your baby

What I usually say to these strangers is that "my little man is sick right now, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't get too close to him." I leave it at that, and they usually respect what I'm saying and back away. Or in some cases you get the ppl that just sneak up on ya, and I hate that more than anything....ugggghhhhh

In that occurrence I keep my handy wipes with me to quickly sanitize his little hands / feet. Good luck to you and I hope this helps! It usually works for me

 

[greenlace]

mamaverdi: looking over my post it does sound a *little* ignorant regarding the vax part. but to clarify: i don't know if someone has just sneezed/coughed on their hand, has handled money (cashiers ALWAYS want to touch her), also where we live there is a large community of hep c +. california is also FAMOUS for methamphetamine manufacturers and as we live in the mountains THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. no meth residue from your hand to my kid please. also i don't like it when smokers touch her. i do keep her in a mayawrap when we go anywhere and i think thats another reason i get so irritated....they invade MY personal space too.

rock star: i love your boob story!

i wish i could lie and use your excuse but my dd just too darn friendly!

 

[greenlace]

danigrl: yes with the wipes! yesterday with my dd in sling at grocery store grubby handed reeking of cigarette bagger lady sneaks up on me and grabs my babies face with BOTH HANDS and kisses her ON THE FACE! it was all i could do to tell her off so i fakie smiled and told my husband who dosen't believe this happens all the time and who saw her do it "see what happens when i go anywhere?" i think he finally realizes the gravity of the situation

 

[flapjack]

We get it too. Usual parenting mantra: this too will pass.

Or, of course, looking at them and going "so, you going to kiss me like that now?" That's been known to work.

 

[Kavita]

I don't mind a little touching, and will sometimes let people hold her if I think she's in the mood for it with the stipulation that if she cries they have to give her back right away (she is a very sociable little baby and generally likes making the rounds!) but once I had DD in a pouch in a kangaroo carry and some woman who worked at Goodwill came up and actually just reached into the pouch and started taking her out!! I was so shocked!! I sort of stepped back and THEN she asked if she could hold her!! I sort of stammered that I had to go change her diaper, and walked away!

People are weird!

 

[*~Danielle~*]

Every parent has the cutest baby. Mine is the most beautiful by far.

I think it is perfectly fine for you to refuse people to hold your baby but the touching is something that I think you could endure. Like a previous post suggested germs are a necessary thing to help your child develop immunities. Now if someone visibly has a cold,

: I would make them put hand sanitizer on or wash there hands but just ordinary folks aren't going to hurt your baby by touching her foot or hands or cheek. I used to freak out about all that too but in reality, I'm as healthy as a horse and my mom never worried about such things. I was the third child so she was so over being protective...I think I'm actually the healthiest of the three.

Lighten up a tad and enjoy that people want to be around you and your baby.

 

[Mama Poot]

I dont mind too much if its someone like an old lady who you can tell probably has ten grandkids of her own. One just HAD to tickle DS's feet as we were walking into the grocery store. He does have cute feet

But if its someone who seems creepy or doesnt have kids, then i get upset. DS will wail if he doesnt like the way someone looks. My cousin approached him yesterday wearing dark sunglasses- and he has facial hair. Two things DS is afraid of ( likely because dh doesnt have either ) He was terrified

 

[kalirush]

I definitely don't let strangers hold my little girl (who is also exceptionally cute

), in part because, what's to stop them turning and running?

So if someone asked, I'd just say, "No, she likes to stay with her mama when we're out". And I'd say it confidently.

Wearing the baby (if you can) is pretty effective too, usually, because they can see that it's not a totally easy thing to get the baby out and thus tend to ask less.

Julia

 

[lilyka]

I don't know that I have had a lot of strangers ask to hold my baby. I can only really remmber one instance where someone asked specifically. once Ava was walking she would ask strangers to hold her

but I also think most people know that crosses a line. who would let a stranger hold thier baby anyway? I simply say "No, I don't even know you. you she isn't fond of strangers" or "we have don't really like for strangers to hold her" Using "stranger" snaps them back to reality a bit.

as for touching sometimes it bugs me just because I have personal space and touching isues. but my daughters are not me. they enjoy people and social interaction and being touched so as long as the touching isn't offending my personal space (like someone reaching into my sling - that has never happened to me but I can totally see it happening.) and my child seems happy about it who am I to interfere. but I am totally not offended by germs. I am the mom who dropps the pacifier in the street, wipes it on my jeans, licks it off and pops it back in dds mouth. they have immune systems of steal by now

the two little ones are completely vaccine free but the oldest was partially vaccinated and she is by far my most medically fragile and most sick child. and even she rarely gets more than the passing virus.there aren't 101 people walking around ready to give your child polio, hep B or tetnus. the things they vaccinate against are pretty remote and the most common diseases (chicken pox, measles and mumps, well I guess pertusis is out there) are the ones they wait the longest to vaccinate against (ironic isn't it). So drop the assumption that your child is a ticking time bomb because she isn't vaccinated or that people are walking around covered and slathered in germs.

and as a side note. too funny about the car stopping thing. this happened to my friend the other day. our thing is people always want to take pictures of my girls (and they aren't even babies). folks can be so weird. it would never occur to me to take pictures of someones kids or stop my car to comment on someones baby. Unless of course I knew them.

 

[mkat]

This is a good thread... I have a 4 month DS who is not vaxed and I find myself worrying about his exposure to people and germs while we're out, too. Reading the replies here helps me find ways to set boundaries but also relax a little bit about the germ thing.
Will chill and let his immune system do its thing.
Phew!

 

[ellacy]

For me, it's less about the vax/germ & more about the respect. I don't feel like strangers respect the personal space and needs/desires of me or my babe when they are wanting to touch or hold her w/o any indication of her (or me) wanting so.

As dd has gotten older, her arms are out while in the sling, but she still doesn't like to be touched by strangers. She likes to interact w/ them by smiling or waving her arm, but when they reach out to hold her hand or something, she pulls away. I simply explain that she likes to interact but not be touched, she loves silly faces and smiles. As dd has grown, people actually seem less inclined to touch her, so it does get better!

 

[Harper]

I've felt equally weird about this issue because it has never bothered me. I have heard people complain about this for years and my sister hates it when people touch her baby son but I just don't mind. Oddly, it happened the most when we were vacationing in Northern California recently. I felt like every where we went someone rubbed her head or pinched her cheeks. We were at a Salvadoran restaurant in SF and the waitress, who spoke very little English, just sort of reached in and made a grab for her and held her while I scarfed down a papusa!! It really doesn't bother me. Honestly, I can't imagine that the chances of her contracting a disease from these folks is very high. Maybe I am ignorant but I enjoy other people "celebrating" babies.

This is my last and I just know in a couple of years when I am baby jonesin' I am going to be one of those crazy ladies trying to love up other people's little babies. I'll remember to always ask first!!

 

[StrawberryFields]

Somehow I keep finding myself as the opposing opinion lately.

Story of my life!

Anyway, I don't mind when strangers touch or hold ds. When a stranger takes time out of their day to be friendly, to admire my baby, to want to hold him--it feels like we are actually part of a community rather than a city of people who pass each other by without making eye contact. Ds enjoys being the center of attention, too, so why not take a minute to slow down, chat, and celebrate this sweet new little life with someone

 

[Ivan's Mom]

I do not want strangers touching Ivan either. I would always say that he was shy and I always have wet ones wipes handy to wipe his hands off with before he touches his nose or mouth.

Try the "You can touch his feet, but please not his hands response."

Ivan is almost 14 months old and has never had a contagious illness.

I do not buy into the school of thought that babies need to get sick to build up immunities. That is what all this breastfeeding will help do. We all get sick eventually, babies have enough going on to not have to be getting runny noses and all that junk on top of it when they are so little.

P.S. I love my shopping cart cover!!! Never leave home without it

 

[bscal]

Frankly this is something that really ticks me off. Especially when people walk up and start chatting away with my 3.5 year old DD. Don't they know that we parents are working very hard to encourage our kids NOT to talk to strangers? Haven't they ever seen the news? Not that I watch the news anymore, it's just too darn depressing (we live in the Metro Atlanta area and all that's on the news is murders and such). I don't want to flip out and be that crazy momma who stays home to avoid anything bad ever happening but the truth is that children are abducted and it happens so quickly-it's pretty scary to think about.

Anyhow, here's what I do (take this with a grain of salt from this paranoid, anxiety ridden momma who does have panic attacks): if we are out in a public place-the grocery store, whatever-I first remind my older DD when we arrive that she must not talk to strangers unless she is holding mommy's hand. Then when ppl come up to talk to the girls (both girls are strawberry blondes with pale blue eyes so we get a lot of this) she will look at me expectantly before answering. I then say (in a very pointed tone) "Good job, sweetie. Yes, you're holding Mommy's hand so you may talk to a stranger! I'm so glad you remembered our stranger rules!" Then I turn to the stranger and say something along the lines of "We're learning appropriate rules for talking to strangers, you never can be too safe in this day and age." I have NEVER had anyone after this spiel ask to hold my children or touch them.

-Beth

 

[VSPsMom]

StarwberryFields and Harper: I agree completely with you both. I feel the exact same way. I love my DS adn am so proud of him. I am actually insulted when people don't want to hold him! Okay, that's a slight exageration, but (on a side note) those are the people I think are really strange-the ones that don't want to hold even their own children! Something odd about that. Anyway, I think it's true that we have all become a little paranoid about strangers and germs. It's true that we do have to be careful, but there is a line to be drawn. I am perfectly fine with people touching my DS, if he doesn't mind, and I will pass him off to anyone I know, but not to a complete stranger. The other day at the grocery store a woman offered to hold my DS while I unloaded my cart. It would have been helpful, but I said no, it was okay. She was disappointed. I don't lie to people, I just try to politely decline. I didn't think she would run off with him as she was there with two of her own children, but still, you never know.

IvansMom: It's not that babies NEED to GET sick to build immunity, but to have germs introduced into their systems.

Of course, after all of that, I am somewhat of a germaphobe myself. I won't let my DS put anything that's been on the kitchen floor in his mouth, but I also have a dog that lives there. The living room I know is safe and clean so that's okay.

Anyway, one could go on and on....