Mothering Forum banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
172 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is one of my favourite flip chart diagrams from my groups. It shows the development of self-control (one of the 4 domains of developing executive function) and also the incidence of aggression. Note how aggression reduces as language develops. Children have 13 years to learn how to harness self-control on their anger and use their words instead of hitting and biting. Yet, there is an expectation gap among parents who think children should have that kind of self-control by age 3. Ages 3-5 they are *beginning* to develop self-control, but it doesn't fully kick in until age 17-18. By age 25, they are expected to fully utilize it. It shows why children don't start formal mandatory school until age 6, because they don't have the self-control yet to sit, be quiet and not poke their little friend.

This doesn't mean that we don't teach. Every time our little one pushes or bites someone, we build their brain architecture by directing and saying, "We don't bite people. Here, bite this ring." One magical day, self-control kicks in and their brain connections are thickened, and they remember, "Hey, we don't bite people. I'm going to bite something else." The constant reminding pays off.

So relax. Self-control is a development issue, not a discipline issue. Teach, but don't expect they are going to understand before they are ready.
 

Attachments

·
Registered
Joined
·
172 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Even at age 3.5 to 4 years, children are *developing* self-control. Some don't have it yet and that is within the range of normal development! Thanks for posting.
 

Attachments

1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top