Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 21 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,491 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was planning on starting ds in preschool (only about 3-4 hours a day), 2 or 3 days a week in the fall. He'll be around 2 1/2 then. My concern is that ds seems very different from other kids. He talks a lot but no one can understand him except family members. He is very loving and hands on and likes to hug and kiss any kids he is around. He also has a very fiesty temper and is very strong and much bigger than other kids his age. He will hit, pinch, headbutt, and scream his head off when he gets upset and it doesn't take much to upset him if he doesn't get his way. He barely has any social interaction with kids, he has one cousin who comes to play occassionaly and one family friend who's 3 who comes over once in a blue moon, but mostly he just interacts with older family members. I'm worried that if I don't get him in preschool soon, it will just be harder when he does start. But I also worry that if I do start him at 2 1/2 he will get traumatized by the other kids being mean to him or I'm worried that he'll bulldoze a kid and get yelled at or have his arm yanked or something by a teacher who is just fed up. I worked in daycare with 2-3 year olds and I have only ever seen one other kid have tantrums as intense as ds's and that poor kid was always getting yelled at (not by me). I don't want ds to be labeled a "problem child" or a brat. But I do want him to learn the "rules" of social interaction. He will be going to public school when he's 5 so I just want to get him acclimated. What would you do? Start him at 2 1/2, 3, or just wait til pre-k?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
656 Posts
We started with 3 year old preschool which was two days a week for 2.5 hours. This was a good start for dd.<br><br>
The next year we did 4 year old preschool - 4 days a week for 2.5 hours.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
992 Posts
I think that 3 1/2 - 4yrs. is usually a good time to start children in preschool. I personally wouldn't send a child younger than 3yrs. old, and I wouldn't want them to go to more than 2yrs. of preschool before K. Of course, every situation is different.<br>
But I would suggest to that you wait a year, and in the meantime try and find other options for your DS to socialize. You could look into storytime at the library, a moms group or playgroup, or some other type of class/activity for little ones where a parent or caregiver can come along.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
656 Posts
My ds tantrumed a lot at home, but didn't do it in school. I think that's pretty common- they let it all out at home, so when they can keep it together outside of the home.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,493 Posts
My DD was in a 2 yo preschool class this year, and none of the scenarios you're afraid of would have happened at her school. All the kids in her class varied freatly in size, verbal ability, potty training, and personality but they all got along fine and enjoyed being at school. There were a max of 8 kids in her class with one teacher and floating helper. There were only 3 classes total (one each of 2, 3, 4 yos). B/c it was so small, the kids were well-supervised and when conflict did happen (like over a toy), she could intervene quickly and easily. ANd the teacher was very gentle and I trusted her to handle my child's misbehavior (if any occured) with patience and kindness - I would definitely say that if you have any fears that a teacher would do otherwise, find another preschool! There were a few meltdowns that I witnessed, but often kids save that behavior for home and treat their "teacher" to their best behavior.<br><br>
If you think your DS is ready and would enjoy it, give it a try. Most schools here charge tuition on a monthly basis, so if it doesn't work out after a month, you can re-assess. We had good luck with the schoold we found and really liked the things the kids did each day and week - not a focus on academics, lots of art and music and playing. It was just a little church preschool. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,468 Posts
Well, I think that the answer to this question always depends on the individual child. Some kids might be ready for some preschool at 18 months (my daughter was) and some might never be ready. I will say that we started my son in preschool at age 3, and it actually helped with a lot of the issues we'd noticed with him in larger group settings, i.e. the playground. The Montessori preschool we send him (and dd) to does a lot of work on helping kids work out their problems with each other verbally, and so these days instead of seeing him whack another kid that is bugging him, we'll see him say, "You need to give that toy back to me! It is not okay for you to take that toy!" etc.<br><br>
A lot depends on the particular preschool as well, of course.<br><br>
In your son's situation, I'd try if possible to find a place where I could observe the classroom without being seen (like a two-way mirror type of situation), or at least keep a close eye on things for the first week or two to monitor how his transition is going. If it's a good preschool, the teachers should prevent any bullying, and there should absolutely <i>not</i> be any situations where a teacher is yanking his arm, etc. If I ever saw that, my child would be out of that preschool immediately.<br><br>
Basically I'd say that if you think he's ready for some social interaction, do your research, find a good preschool, and give it a try. If it doesn't work out, you can always pull him out and try again later.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
15,952 Posts
I personally would wait a while, but I don't believe in pre-school for toddlers, IMO it should be for older children.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,523 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sarahmae1</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8146174"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think that 3 1/2 - 4yrs. is usually a good time to start children in preschool. I personally wouldn't send a child younger than 3yrs. old, and I wouldn't want them to go to more than 2yrs. of preschool before K. Of course, every situation is different.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I think along those same lines... Preschool and Pre-K were pretty much the same thing for DD and we plan on doing the same for DS. Starting around 3.5 or 4 yrs old.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
216 Posts
I have been wondering about this too. My son will be 2 in a couple weeks, and everyone keeps asking when we are going to send him to preschool. He is super shy around kids and I think everyone else sees this as a solution. I'm not convinced. The occasional play group sounds like a better option for socializing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,067 Posts
I read one large study a year or two ago where the only lasting difference between children who'd been to preschool and children who had not, in my demographic category, was that children who'd been to preschool were rated by teachers in elementary school as having more behavior problems.<br><br>
I'd check out the 2005 Study of Preschool Effects. The site seems to be down.<br><br>
For me, I see the mixed-age socialization my children get, with some same-age activities, as being more positive in terms of social development, than putting them within a large group of other little people who are also in need of guidance.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,943 Posts
My son's first exposure to preschool/daycare was a summer camp last year. He was 2-1/2 at the time.... and loved it. It was only 2 hours per day.... and made a great, easy introduction. Now, at 3-1/2, we're getting ready to send him to preschool next fall. He had such a good experience at summer camp last year, that he can't wait to go. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I wouldn't worry about his behavior... but you could always talk to the teacher about it. She can let you know if she doesn't think he's quite ready enough.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
234 Posts
I second the pp who suggested finding groups or classes where you and your ds go together. That way he'll get the social interaction with his peers and you will be there to help calm him, etc.<br><br>
Personally, we go to a gymnastics class once a week and a playgroup once a week. For ds (who is also 2 1/2) my feeling is that's fine for now. In another year or so I will look into a nursery/preschool type thing for 2-3 days a week (or whatever will be appropriate for him at that time. No way to know that now!)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,766 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>arniflora</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8152597"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I second the pp who suggested finding groups or classes where you and your ds go together. That way he'll get the social interaction with his peers and you will be there to help calm him, etc.<br><br>
Personally, we go to a gymnastics class once a week and a playgroup once a week. For ds (who is also 2 1/2) my feeling is that's fine for now. In another year or so I will look into a nursery/preschool type thing for 2-3 days a week (or whatever will be appropriate for him at that time. No way to know that now!)</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: My DD has gone to Montessori school since she was 12 months old but that is because I WAH and I need some childcare. For various reasons, I felt the Montessori school was the best approach for her. If you don't need or want the childcare, I would recommend group activities with you present. Or at least a coop preschool where you would be there once a month or more. Check out your local rec center, they might have mommy + toddler classes for a reasonable price.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,973 Posts
I think 3 1/2 is the earliest that a child should start school. Anything earlier is what we called Daycare 10 years ago...I think Preschool just sounds better to people. Not that there is anything wrong with daycare, I just don't see what the differences between "School" and "Daycare" are when the children are so young.<br><br>
my 4 yo ds will start preschool this fall, and I was honestly feeling like I was late getting him started or something. So many people here start their kids in "School" at around 2! When I was a kid preschool was for a year as far as I remember. And the people I know who sent their 2 year olds to "School" would have turned their noses up a daycare most likely...what is the difference?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,125 Posts
We're not doing preschool with my kids, although they will go to a private school for K-12. I do socialize the kids though. Mommy groups are a great way for your kid to socialize. Find some local moms, have play dates, etc. It's good for you too, as it gets your day broken up a bit. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> My son does best when playing with older kids. I guess they kind of teach him something, although hopefully it's only good things. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I did preschool as a kid - age 3 and 4 (although at 3, I as in a 4 year old class because they needed more girls). My DH didn't do preschool, since his mom couldn't afford it. We were both social outcasts in regular school. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,594 Posts
Do they really yell at the kids and yank their arms in childcare setting there? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jaw2">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,456 Posts
I dunno - I think 2.5 is a little young for preschool. My opinion is likely clouded by my own experience - DS is in daycare (since 17 months of age), but the focus there is socialization and play. DS' daycare teachers laughingly refer to themselves as "teachers who don't teach". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> They teach them a lot, but it's mostly social. They don't actively teach letters or numbers or what-have-you, though DS does know the entire alphabet and numbers up to about 12 (he learned that at home). DS is now 2.5, and the plan is to transition (with his current daycare teachers' help) to a preschool at 3.5 yrs.<br><br>
It really sounds like your DC just needs more practice at socializing with other toddlers. The behavior you're describing just sounds like normal toddler behavior. Sometimes it takes a lot of practice for a toddler to learn other ways to get what they want, or to handle those situations without lashing-out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,491 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>paquerette</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8165664"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Do they really yell at the kids and yank their arms in childcare setting there? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jaw2"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
at the daycare/preschool I used to work at, yes a lot of the teachers did. That's why I had to quit. They had a ration of 20 two year olds per 2 teachers. It drove the teachers crazy and was horrible for the kids.<br><br>
I work 40+ hours a week and don't know any moms with kids his age so I feel like the only real option that won't add more stress and scheduling to my life would be pre-school. I think we'll give it a try at a little church pre-school nearby. I didn't know most of them let you pay monthly.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
212 Posts
My dd and I are going to be doing a 2-yr preschool mommy and me program this fall. It's 2 1/2 hours, once a week. It's through a public school system near us, and I'm hoping that we will really like it there and will use it for her preschool in the future. They have a 3-yr old 2 day a week program that's without mommy that we may use as long as we are all ready for that! I do think it would be nice for me to have that time with our son that is coming this summer! And I like the gradual adjustment to school since she has been with me 24/7 since birth.<br><br>
So, one day a week with mom the first year, then 2 days a week on her own, 3 days a week, and then 5 once kindergarten.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
748 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dubfam</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8155908"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think 3 1/2 is the earliest that a child should start school. Anything earlier is what we called Daycare 10 years ago...I think Preschool just sounds better to people. Not that there is anything wrong with daycare, I just don't see what the differences between "School" and "Daycare" are when the children are so young.<br><br>
my 4 yo ds will start preschool this fall, and I was honestly feeling like I was late getting him started or something. So many people here start their kids in "School" at around 2! When I was a kid preschool was for a year as far as I remember. And the people I know who sent their 2 year olds to "School" would have turned their noses up a daycare most likely...what is the difference?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Yeah, the whole deal with calling what is essentially structured daycare "school" is a little confusing to me. To me, until a year before kindergarten, it's all daycare. Preschool is for 4 year olds, IMO. I think school is just a nicer word and makes people feel better. They might have a ciriculum of activities, but I disagree that they are actually schools.<br><br>
Besides, I don't see the point in starting so early anyway. Did any of us start that early? I went to preschool when I was 4, kindergarten at 5, etc. Before that, my parents just worked with me throughout the day like I do with my dd, who is 2.5. We talk about the colors and shapes of food, textures, tastes, etc. We sing our ABC's and recite nursery rhymes and children's poetry. She has a little bit of interaction with other kids, but not daily by any means. I think that children that young need to learn most of their social skill from adults before they are thrown into a room full of other kids. I guess I'm not much for advice here, just giving my opinion. DEFINITELY not meaning to offend anyone. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: To each his or her own.
 
1 - 20 of 21 Posts
Top