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when to worry and what to do...potty learning :(

501 Views 8 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  mamangazelle
Okay, bean is 3 yrs and 8 months old now. To the best of my knowledge she can pee in a toilet if she wants to, but she just refuses to. She only wants to pee and poop in diapers, underwear, on floors, couches, chairs, beds. Anything EXCEPT the toilet or potty chair!

She really should be old enough and she seems able to understand but I have Tried everything I can dream up and I can't reach her on this.

When should I worry? What should I do?

I have passed the point of being at my wits end. She is a tall almost 4 year old and it is ridiculous when I have to change diapers on her!

And the associations she seems to have with using the potty chair are screwed up. She seems to think that she should use it when she is trying to make me happy (for example, if she is in her room for quiet time after picking on her sister etc., then she will use her potty chair to call me in and ask if I am happy with her now because she used her potty chair...negating the upset from picking on her sis...)

so there are some issues in her mind that are confused and I really don't know what I should be doing
PLUS I have her signed up for preschool part time starting in the fall and she doesn't seem to be any further along then she was 6 months ago!

everyone has always told me she will potty learn when she is ready...but what if she isn't ready until she is 4....5...6?
How do I deal with this?!
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Originally Posted by LaLa
...everyone has always told me she will potty learn when she is ready...but what if she isn't ready until she is 4....5...6?
How do I deal with this?!
then just wait until then; she will not train until she is ready anyway, so why get into a power struggle over it? & it isn't her fault she is a "tall" 3 year old, if she looked littler would you want her to train so badly? don't force her & don't let her realize you think she is old enough. it will make the months until she trains a lot happier for both of you.

(i speak from experience, joe was close to five before he would poop on the potty, & he was not rushed or pushed at all. he has never had an accident & stays dry every night as well. if you force her you are risking a lifetime of bowel & bladder trouble.)

good luck~ i know it's hard, society says she is a big girl, but she is still a baby in many ways. let her grow at her pace, & if she is still in diapers at 6 years old i will eat my words!
I am just dealing with it now with a three year old. I am not at the point you are yet, so I don't have experience to share. However, if she can go to preschool w/out being potty trained completely, maybe being with the other kids who are will be an inspiration to her. Good luck!
My son was 4.5 when he learned.
One day he asked me to take a particularly full diaper off & he insisted on using the toilet after that. He never went back to a diaper again.
LJ, thank you ... that makes me feel better too!

I have been getting such pressure from the granparents for SO LONG!!! Like almost a YEAR! I just don't know what is to be expected of children in terms of age for potty learning and I was worried that there may be some underlying reason she didn't want to use it that I wasn't aware of !

So, it does make me feel better to hear that children are out there potty learning at 4-5 and all ends well
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My dd didn't use the toilet until she was a few months past her fifth birthday. We really began to worry when she turned 4, and had her evaluated by a child psychologist, a family therapist, and our pediatrician. She had play therapy with one specialist. I don't know if the play therapy actually made a difference or not, but she enjoyed it and never knew why she was there! None of the professionals could find anything "wrong" with her, and it was their conclusion that she was simply at the high end of normal for toilet learning. She has been ahead of schedule or average for all of her other developmental milestones and is socially well-adjusted, by the way. Perhaps your dd is similar? You can have her checked out for your peace of mind, if you feel it would help. I found the support of the family therapist very helpful, as I sometimes had private sessions where we would talk without dd.

Good luck! I KNOW how hard that road is!

From a mama who's BTDT!
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One thing I read and seemed to be true is that you shouldn't put it as a thing that makes you happy or unhappy:
I never forced the issue with dd1, and when she was around 2, in the summer, we started to put her in a dress and nothing else or just a panty, and I dealt with it without being happy or mad (if she did it in the potty, I'd siply say:"good for you", and if she did it on the floor, I'd keep a mop near and clean it, without saying it was gross or anything). We continued to have accidents weekly (mostly poop
) for a while.
Her dad didn't do the same thing. He showed how he didn't like to clean her and the floor, so when she was mad or in a conflict with him, or just with him only when I was gone, she'd do it on the floor...
Don't worry, she'll potty train... someday

Maybe it's not her time yet, or maybe she sees that it's a big issue to you and sees it as a thing that she has total control of.
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