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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> My DD is now 19 months old and has almost always cried when I have left her at daycare. I have tried everything: sitting for a few minutes with her, leaving quickly, even sneaking out in the hopes that she just won't notice I have left!<br><br>
We did have progress for 4 days this and last week where I sat her down with some cheerios and a sippy cup, gave her hug, a kiss and then said bye-bye. Her teachers pat her back and I was able to just leave. Then today, more tears. It breaks my heart. When will it end?
 

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It may not end, some kids cry make a fuss every time you leave but stop about a minute after you leave, I have seen kids like this. Mine cycles in and out of crying and not even saying goodbye. I have found that a quick goodbye in a cheerful way helps my dd the most, she doesn't have a chance to work herself up the way she does if I draw out the goodbye and she calms down faster. Once you say goodbye don't come back for a second goodbye because that makes things worse. Also, talk to your provider about holding her while you leave so you can leave in the comfortable knowledge that her needs are being met.
 

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1) DON'T sneak out. When you do that, the consequential melt-down when dd realizes you're gone, is somewhat inconsolable.<br>
2) With a cheerful "Have fun, my love, see ya later!" she sees your smiles and feels reassured, even if the tears come. Babes don't have control of their emotions... she will feel the hurt of seeing you leave, knowing you EXIST but are not with her, but in moments some fun thing will have her laughing.<br>
3) Remember, it's tougher on us than on them, and it will get better.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat">
 

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I agree with PrennaMama. I think sneaking out is easiest on us but the worst for them because then they don't trust you. I would develope a definite, cheerful routine. My DS went through cycles of tears off and on throughout daycare and preschool, so I've been through this a lot. We used the book The Kissing Hand and it was really helpful. Its about a little raccoon who starts school. His mom gives him a kissing hand (kiss on the palm) to remind him throughout the day that she loves him. When things got bad with Evan, we would read the book every morning before getting in the car. Once we got to school and I was ready to leave, we would give each other kissing hands and I would say I love you, have a great day, bye bye. Yes, there were certainly days when he still cried. But I know that he was always fine by the time I got to the parking lot. When his little sister started preschool this summer he was all excited about reading The Kissing Hand to her. It was really cute.
 

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My little guy was the same way - always cried at dropoff (would have some better stretches where it wouldn't be so bad, but overall it was always rough) He quite suddenly just stopped being upset one day, I would guess he was just over 2 - maybe 25-26 months? It was literally like someone flicked a switch - one day he just said "bye Mama" and went happily to play <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> it was awesome and a real load off.<br><br>
All you can do is wait it out, and do as other Mamas have already suggested - keep it short and cheerful, never sneak out (I used to be so tempted to do that).<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> to you, its so hard, but it will get better.
 

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dd goes in spurts. she started out fine, then had awful mornings & now is good again. she's 2.5, so i can talk to her about things we'll do after "school" that she'll look forward to.<br><br>
I agree that it's harder on us than them. I love the idea of that book- i'm going to check that out!!!
 

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well - I cried today when I put my parents on a plane for the airport! I really miss them.<br><br>
For us it comes and goes and my confidence has a lot to do with it. Well, actually DH does drop-off and I do pick-up. Sometimes switching the roles gets us out of a rut. In the mornings, he could never leave the center and in the afteroons it would take her 30-45 minutes to leave. We switched for a little while and were both able to get into better routines. Not sure if that is an option for you, but some kind of ritual is definitely in order.<br><br>
One tip I heard was to have them walk inside the building themself, instead of carrying. Could you have something you give her when you leave? Maybe a scarf or picutre of you for her cubby? Then when she feels sad she could look at it?<br><br>
Also, I agree with the don't sneak out advice, as tempting as it is.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks for all the great suggestions. I will be looking for that book and start building it into our morning routine. I will also try to remember to be more cheery too! I am sure she can sense my sadness at leaving her too!<br><br>
Her school is great! I know she has fun there. The idea about the picture is a good one - and the school has already thought of that one too! They had us take 5 family photos in and they are on the wall at the child's eye level. Like I said, it is an awesome school.<br><br>
Again, thanks for all of the great advice! It will be interesting to see how much she is reading from me - If she sees me smiling good-bye it might help her smile too (which would sure help me feel less guilty!).
 

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btdt<br><br>
what everyone else said. i would like to add that if she picks up on your anxiety and sadness when you drop her off, she'll mirror that. If you have your happy face on, it will reassure her, even though she may still cry. My dd is 7 1/2 and sometimes still does the clingy thing. It all depends on the day and what particular view of the world they have. Like a pp said, I still cry sometimes when I say goodbye to my Mom, and I'm an old fart!
 

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my 17 month ds goes in phases of crying and then giving me smiles and waves. if he is teary i always make sure someone is holding him. i give smiles and kisses and hugs and then try to get him involved in whatever activity is going on (if he's clingy). lately he has been clingy when we get there and by the time i hang up his coat and sign him in he goes off and starts playing. and then gives me a smile and a wave. he also says 'die!!' instead of bye <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> i can hardly believe how well he is doing lately<br><br>
i notice the tearful weeks are times when something is happening at home (like nightweaning). right now he seems to be into the routine. and on weekends i am sure to point out noooooooooo school today!!!! and on weekdays i talk about getting dressed so we can go to school today. just so he knows what the plan is.<br><br>
good luck <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> it is hard (hard on moms)
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks for all of the suggestions. I am thinking that she might be cutting another molar because she is showing all the signs and not sleeping as well. And the tears are drop off are definatly worse this past week. I usually make sure somebody is holding her when I leave so she can get lots of loves anyway. I will try talking about school more each morning, and about no school days too!
 
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