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Discussion Starter #1
I was talking to this guy and I brought up within the first hour or so that I have a son... and my girlfriend who I was with looked at me like I was crazy!!! She later told me that she doesn't think its a good idea for me to say I have a baby, because it could be a big turn off for men...<br><br>
Maybe she has a point??? I was thinking, if they seem creeped out by my mommy status then they aren't worth even a moment of my time, KWIM? But I don't know, so I thought I would ask all of you...<br><br><br>
ETA: By the way, the guy and I have been out, like, 7 times since then... and yeah... he doesn't have an issue with my motherhood.<br><br>
TIA,<br>
Meghan
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>muckemom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7888778"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">if they seem creeped out by my mommy status then they aren't worth even a moment of my time</div>
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i totally agree with this....i wouldn't want to waste my precious time with anyone who is creeped out by me being a mama.....after all its a very important part of who i am and what they will be dealing with if they spend time with me....
 

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My children are the most important part of my life. I make it clear in the first few minutes that I'm a mom. I wouldn't be interested in someone who wasn't okay with that...and there's no way you're going to convince someone to be okay with it.<br><br>
It's a total deal breaker...obviously.<br><br>
However, if you were just interested in a casual fling, where you were NEVER planning to introduce them to the kids, that might be different. But still, I'd just put it out there right away. No use wasting your time or his.
 

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p.s.<br><br>
This is one time where it truly is best to wait for someone who *is* comfortable than wasting your time with a bunch of men who aren't. For what it's worth, there are a LOT of great men out there who would be totally okay with it. Come from an abundance mentality and you will find those really great men!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #5
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>amymarie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7888825"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">i totally agree with this....i wouldn't want to waste my precious time with anyone who is creeped out by me being a mama.....after all its a very important part of who i am and what they will be dealing with if they spend time with me....</div>
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Hey, I was just in San Jose amymarie... I live in Monterey though.<br><br>
Yeah I'm gonna go with my gut... I'm a single, SAHM mom so it IS who I am... yeah!!! Along with making it clear that they can't come back to my place unless its the night DS is with the X. Cool.<br><br>
TY
 

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IMO showing most of who I am in conversation with men is the perfect way of weeding out the<br>
jerkies. True that some men will walk away as soon as they hear the word child, but I wouldn't<br>
want those men even if I wasn't a Mom. So keep on keeping on being yourself.
 

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Personally, I"m a mom way before I'm a partner to anyone. If they can't accept that they will most likely always come "2nd" than there is no way I could continue a relationship. A mom is who I am. I can't deny that.
 

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I date a single father. He brought up his daughter in the first sentence or so. If he had waited even an hour, I would have thought it strange.
 

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I always bring her up! I mean, if they aren't ok with it then I am not ok with them kwim?
 

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I am very up front about the fact I am a mom...I also tell men that I am not looking for someone to be a father to my children and that they will have to wait to meet my children until I am comfortable with him. You would be amazed at how many men are offended by that (and I feel justified in weeding them out too).<br><br>
I told my current boyfriend about my boys the first time I talked to him (in fact that was a phone conversation so my first sentence to him was "sorry I made you wait so long for me to call, I needed to put my kids to bed first" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> ) I made him wait almost 5 months before he met the boys...I think it had worked out really well so far.
 

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I have always been upfront about being a mom (which was not hard because Owen was almost always with me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ). Those few who didn't run when they heard the word "child" put on their running shoes when they heard the word "autism" in connection with "child". But that's fine with me. I don't want to date anyone who is not okay with my child.<br><br>
My current boyfriend knew I was a mom before I even spoke to him for the first time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> We met through a mutual friend and she told him my mom status before anything was exchanged. He was around (as a friend) when going through the autism diagnosis so that was no surprise to him either.
 

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I just talk naturally. Eventually -- usually within the first real conversation with someone -- I'll say something about dd. I'm not looking to date, but if I were, why would I waste time on a guy who a) was scared of kids; b) feared I was on the hunt for a new daddy and provider for my girl?<br><br>
What might be more complicated is explaining that he'd be firmly excluded from a large part of my life. Not to mention my house. I think one daddy is more than enough. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: He'd also have to have his own serious life & work going on, because I'm kinda busy, and I don't date partyboys.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MissSavannahsMommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7889769"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Personally, I"m a mom way before I'm a partner to anyone.</div>
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See I knew somebody could put it into words better than I could. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: Perfect.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MsChatsAlot</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7888917"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My children are the most important part of my life. I make it clear in the first few minutes that I'm a mom. I wouldn't be interested in someone who wasn't okay with that...and there's no way you're going to convince someone to be okay with it.<br><br>
It's a total deal breaker...obviously.<br>
.</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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I agree that if it makes a person think I am less attractive, I don't have time to be bothered with that person anyhow. I can't convince you about my dd. Our relationship speaks for itself and has outlasted my relationship with her father. Note to dudes, she can and will replace you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fek&fuzz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7889878"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I date a single father. He brought up his daughter in the first sentence or so. If he had waited even an hour, I would have thought it strange.</div>
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well nice to know i'm <b>not</b>(!!!) a freak. every other sentence out of my mouth is something to do with one or the other of the boys. how do you not tell anyone and everyone about your kids. seriously I think I talk to much about them. perhaps I should find something else to talk about...ummm...how about the weather <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Different situation here I guess, because my bf knew me and my ex while we were still together. We all worked in the same place. Then ex quit and then we broke up, then bf and I started talking. He always knew I was a mom.<br><br>
I would be up front with anyone new though. They would know in the first conversation.
 

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You nailed it on the head .. if they are not comfortable with your Mommy status, you are wasting your time!!!<br><br>
Several years ago I met my DP, and in our very first conversation I told him all about Alex, who was only like 17 months old at the time. I wanted to let anyone who was going to be in my life know that first and foremost I was a Mama, and I was also a package deal ... love me, love my kid. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
At that time I was 27, and he was 25 ... never once did I worry about scaring him off because if he didn't like Alex, he wasn't going to be in my life. Fast forward several years later, and he's the best Daddy ever. My x husband has dropped off the face of the earth, and DP is a loving, caring father figure to my son.<br><br>
I think the only way to be is totally upfront ... we know how important our kids are to us, it's only fair to let any potential date know they are going to be second best to our kiddos! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>muckemom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7888778"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I was talking to this guy and I brought up within the first hour or so that I have a son... and my girlfriend who I was with looked at me like I was crazy!!! She later told me that she doesn't think its a good idea for me to say I have a baby, because it could be a big turn off for men...<br><br>
Maybe she has a point??? I was thinking, if they seem creeped out by my mommy status then they aren't worth even a moment of my time, KWIM? But I don't know, so I thought I would ask all of you...<br><br><br>
ETA: By the way, the guy and I have been out, like, 7 times since then... and yeah... he doesn't have an issue with my motherhood.<br><br>
TIA,<br>
Meghan</div>
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You answered your own question. You brought it up right away. You're dating the man. Obviously it didn't scare him off.<br><br>
As for the rest... why are you letting your friend's fears become yours? Part of the problem with dating already is too many people are fake from the very beginning.<br><br>
Now she wants you to hide something you should be PROUD of?<br><br>
Sheesh, if we can't even show off our best qualities (being a mother being one of them), what CAN we show off??
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Good... thats what I thought...<br><br>
In terms of waiting an hour to tell this guy, we weren't talking the whole time, I saw him when I walked in and it took me about 30 minutes to work up the courage to walk up to him, so really I told him about DS within a few minutes... I would have to actively be avoiding discussing DS in order to not bring him up because everything in my life revolves around him... yes, including what drink to order (if Ds is with his dad, then I can get a a few harder drinks... if he's not and i have to be home in an hour then its wine all the way)<br><br>
Thanks mamas, I knew I would get some sane answers.
 
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