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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
After fights, or even during, I'm a touchy person. I want to be held, reassured and loved. Even in the middle of a very heated discussion, I ache to hear 'I love you' etc..<br><br>
My SO on the other hand, likes his space, and wants to be alone. If not completely alone, he wants NO talking from me what so ever (toward him), until he's calmed down.<br><br>
Anyone else deal with after-fighting this differently?<br><br>
It always ends up that we deal with it his way, but in the end, I only feel <i>more</i> hurt, pain and anger, as well as resentment... He's getting what he needs, but I'm not, and if I ask for it, it's generally ignored, or a half-attempt, because he still wants/needs his space.<br><br>
Anyone have any advice on how we can remedy this? It's so awkward to need and want some sort of love or contact, and yet know he needs and wants space...
 

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i have no advice <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> it must be so frustrating for you to need that reassurance and validation of your feelings and to not get it, that sucks.<br>
have you considered counselling? your needs are just as important as his, i hope you find a solution.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I'm looking for an individual counselor right now actually... We've considered going together in the past, but when it comes down to it, he feels like my getting counseling for me only, would help everyone on a whole, and then WE wouldn't need to go together... Sad, huh? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> it is sad, i'm sorry. i was just talking with my friend about why it seems men discredit the value of counselling. it offers such an amazing opportunity for personal growth and relationship growth and i can't understand why people want to turn down that opportunity, especially if it means growing closer to your life partner!<br>
it will help you and at least it will help keep you from feeling crazy mama <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat">
 

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We use to fight all the time, it felt like a never ending fight. He would try to hug me and make up, I would give him the cold shoulder and try to punish him with the silent treatment. Now we don't stay mad at each other very long and will say our sorries and hug.
 
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