[Wolfcat]

"... you'll change your mind [about CIO]"

Why is everyone convinced that I'm just a naive, newby for being anti-CIO? They all say that my tune will change with the second... like if I have another, I'm gonna all of a sudden decide that my time is best spent listening to my kids cry.

:

WTH!!!

:

I know there are mamas with more than one child who are AP, so obviously it isn't a requisite that the second babe CIO, but why do mainstreamers seem to think that this anti-CIO is some sort of time-on-my-hands phase that I'm indulging in as an ingnoramus.

Yeah, that's exactly how I feel about it.

 

[sapphire_chan]

How about this response:
"What, like I changed my mind about CIO after giving birth, and changed my mind about CIO after he was 2 weeks old, and changed my mind about CIO after he was 1 month old, <etc>?"

And depending on the person:
"I don't think it's possible for me to hate the idea of CIO even more, but just for you I'll make an effort with my next kid."

 

[Momtwice]

They say that because they can't stand feeling guilty. So they bash you instead, to feel better.

 

[Arwyn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan And depending on the person: "I don't think it's possible for me to hate the idea of CIO even more, but just for you I'll make an effort with my next kid."

 

[rmzbm]

I couldn't even talk to someone so stupid.

 

[treemom2]

You know, a lot of things do change when you have a second child. However, for me letting my children CIO is not one of them--I would never let them CIO however I will admit that sometimes it takes me a little longer to get to them (like when BFing DS and DD is crying). Being AP is a little harder with two children as well. . .however, if you are committed to it, you can still do it just maybe not to the same level as with your first.

I think people sometimes make those comments because they are ignorant to the strong committment we have toward AP and not allowing CIO. What is funny is that when DD was a baby, she was sooooo happy and what most would consider a "good baby". I always got comments on how my next one was going to be a terror because she was so good. Yeh, didn't happen--they are both "good babies" and very happy and loving. We'll see what happens with the next

 

[thefragile7393]

I always love hearing that. You hear it a lot before you have children, and then when people see that you aren't doing what they said you would do, they say "Oh wait until you have a 2nd one!"

:

 

[Lolafanana]

What I hear all the time is "You're a first time mom, aren't you? I can tell." As if I will completely ignore #2. As far as cosleeping, people always say "you'll learn soon and see why you should put her in her crib. She'll be sleeping with you until she's 10" which I respond to by saying "I hope so". That usually infuriates them

 

[formerluddite]

ooh, i love the "i hope so" response. so non-defensive! i hope my sleep deprived brain can remember it. not too many people get in my face like that about cosleeping any more now that i'm a seasoned vet (for baby stuff). they just try to scare me about the upcoming teenage years instead.

 

[mamajama]

I see CIO as a pretty fundamental belief. I have two kids and I do know that things did change alot after the second came along. Nothing but homemade organic babyfood passed DS1s lips, he was always tended to at the first sign of distress etc. etc.
But once DS2 came along, that stuff just wasn't possible anymore. Poor guy

.
But I did not toss all my beliefs out the window by any means. I got a LOT more flexible and understanding of other parents. But I still never let any of my babies CIO.

 

[georgia]

Quote:

She'll be sleeping with you until she's 10.

Well, we have every expectation she'll choose the local community college so her leaving the family bed isn't going to be an issue

 

[eightyferrettoes]

Mine are about eighteen months apart, and like MJ said, it's very true that DD doesn't get tended to at her first squeak the way DS did. Sometimes she just has to bawl until I'm done dressing/bathing my older kid or raking coals in the woodstove or what-have-you.

Poor little thang.

And she gets a binky and doesn't get to nurse allllll day long like DS did... and I'm sure there is a certain list of further compromises I've got to look forward to.

But that doesn't add up to me deciding to embark on a program of intentionally letting her cry at timed intervals.

If anything, that seems like a lot of work I lack the patience for.

 

[FreeThinkinMama]

I heard the same thing when I was against CIO during my first pg, "once you have the baby you'll see..." Well my dd had colic and was crying for hours on end, if I can handle that without letting her CIO then I can handle two.

Slightly off topic but I constantly hear "how are you going to handle another child?" It's really starting to irritate me. Women have been having more than one child for thousands of years and manage just fine. I'm sure I will too.

 

[melanie83103]

Well, I'm on the verge of having number 2, and am by no means considering CIO now any more than I did when I had my first

Melanie

 

[onlyboys]

Four kids later, never CIO.

A big happy family bed fills our bedroom.

 

[blsilva]

I changed my mind when I had my second child- I decided not to even bring the crib out of the garage this time! I have loved cosleeping, and my youngest has been happily in my bed since day 1!

 

[celestialdreamer]

My 2 1/2 yo and my 7 mo are happily snuggled up together in our family bed right now sleeping

I got the same stupid comments when I was pregnant with my first, then had her, when I was expecting #2 etc. I can't imagine the things I would have had if I'd had a homebirth with my first too, because they all thought I was just so naive about everything. They laughed and laughed at my plans to nurse, cloth diaper and not do any CIO with my dd. I'm successfully doing all those things with my second too, so yeah they can kiss my

Certainly there are times I can't respond to one of them quite as fast as I would like, but that is the nature of only being one mama with two children

 

[Mama Poot]

My boys are 11.5 months apart. CIO has never been used in this house and it never will be. There is really no need. If the older child wakes in the night, DH tends to him if I'm busy with our little one. True, I can't tend to every single whine, but that's just a reality of having more than one child. Strangely enough, my 2nd child is rather easy going, has no need to sit and be nursed for hours on end- he just nurses when he's hungry/thirsty and that's it. The rest of the time he's on my lap, in his sling, or on his playmat while I'm on the floor playing with his older brother. Am I exhausted? Yes, sometimes. Am I desperate for a week long vacation where I have no responsibilities to anyone but myself? YES. But I see how happy my kids are...and everyone thinks we're "so lucky" to have such "good babies"....but they just don't realize the intense work and dedication that goes into making that possible! I think I'll just keep my AP secrets to myself

 

[EnviroBecca]

"Well, there's another reason to have an only child!"

Honestly, I have used this line in response to people telling me I won't be able to take such good care of my son (in whatever way) "when" I have another baby.

: I am irritated by the assumption that everybody has multiple children, which I might not, and that my good parenting is somehow unnecessary. Also, comments like this hit me deeply because I am the older of two children, and I do, in fact, feel that at times I didn't get what I needed because the baby came first...so I'm a little sensitive to implications that children don't deserve the same care when they have siblings.

One of my Girl Scouts is the oldest of 3 kids, and her dad makes some kind of comment EVERY time I see him about how I might think my life is stressful now but just wait until I have more kids. I have made the above comment to him, but he thinks I'm kidding.

: I am so tempted to take it a step farther and say, "Your family is one of our biggest motivations to stop at one child." It's true! But at least he's not trying to convince me to CIO or wean early or anything; he's just trying to win the stress competition.

 

[AmyY]

I have twins. There IS a lot more crying, but it's not because I CIO. It's just because everybody has to wait their turn. Sometimes I cry about that too.

: But it's not CIO, it's just more people in the family. IMO if you didn't CIO your first you won't do it in the future - it seems like people actually tend to go the other way if you KWIM, CIO their first then AP from the second on.

You'll be fine. Hang in there.