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Quote:

Originally Posted by AmyY View Post
I have twins. There IS a lot more crying, but it's not because I CIO. It's just because everybody has to wait their turn. Sometimes I cry about that too.
: But it's not CIO, it's just more people in the family. IMO if you didn't CIO your first you won't do it in the future - it seems like people actually tend to go the other way if you KWIM, CIO their first then AP from the second on.

You'll be fine. Hang in there.
That was me! I had my 1st as a teenage single parent, breastfed for 8 weeks and switched to formula because I had NO support. I was AP in most other things, though. It just felt right, whaddya know?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by blsilva View Post
I changed my mind when I had my second child- I decided not to even bring the crib out of the garage this time! I have loved cosleeping, and my youngest has been happily in my bed since day 1!
:

I have all kinds of snapshots of dh and the three kids snuggling in bed.

BTW- our almost 6yo likes to share her queen size bed with ds so now they don't climb into bed with us nearly as often (not that we mind, but five in a queen size bed makes for sore parents). They're happy, we're happy and it's cool.
We have three beds in the house so the five of us can spread out or cozy up as needed.
 

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You'd think with the second baby, people would be less motivated to CIO, not more. Can you imagine trying to keep the older kid asleep with a screaming baby in the house?! No thanks! I know when I have another baby it'll be harder and my time will be split in two, but I'm not going to deny my child the respect s/he deserves just because they're my second and I'm a little more stressed.
: Believe me, I think about these things because deciding to have #2 is a very scary thing for me. My biggest worry is dividing my time and love between two kids. I WON'T change my beliefs to supposedly make things easier though. If I thought for a second that I'd be so stressed that I'd be tempted to CIO, I wouldn't have a second baby. End of story. I'm not pregnant with #2 yet, but if someone said that crap to me, they better watch out!

I'm also going to breastfeed the second one even though it might be easier on me to stick my kid in a swing and prop a bottle of formula. I'm also going to co-sleep with the second one even though it might start to get cramped in our bed. I'm also going to keep using car seats, even though it would be easier and take less time just to toss them in the back seat and hope for the best.
 

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well, I have 2 and we all help each other. Even if it DID take me an extra second to get to my 6 month old while I run to the other end of the house or soemthing....my 2.5 year old will get to her first and say 'mama's coming Sarah, come with Joseph." Usually I get to the living room to find her dangling between her underarms and neck in his arms. And man does she look happy as a lark grinning ear to ear and so does he.

Boy I love my kiddos


If it's possible, having my second made me love everyone in my life a little more, and be even closer to my first born (which seriously I didn't think was ever possible).

There is something that happens to you after your second, the trying times, the toddler struggles, etc. Fortunately for me I was able to pull it together well enough that we never really had any 'bad' times. Being able to stick with my gentle parenting through the baby-blues for the second time, nursing 2 in bed, all of the sturggles...it really made me a stronger person. Sure I was a little sleep deprived sleeping with 2 kiddos, doing most of the night time parenting. But just the look on their little sleepy faces was enough to never ever want anyhting different.

I really really believe that for me, family bed is the absolute #1 important things in our life.
 

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I always hated when people treated me like an idiot when I just had one kid. My second has not made me change my general philosphy of kindness towards my kids. I was once drying a super market cart seat for DD after it had rained. A woman said to me, "drying the seat? that must be your first" As if I would sit any kid..my first my 12th in a wet supermarket cart.
:
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfcat View Post
"... you'll change your mind [about CIO]"

Why is everyone convinced that I'm just a naive, newby for being anti-CIO? They all say that my tune will change with the second... like if I have another, I'm gonna all of a sudden decide that my time is best spent listening to my kids cry.
:

WTH!!!
:

I know there are mamas with more than one child who are AP, so obviously it isn't a requisite that the second babe CIO, but why do mainstreamers seem to think that this anti-CIO is some sort of time-on-my-hands phase that I'm indulging in as an ingnoramus.



Yeah, that's exactly how I feel about it.
Well, when I had my 2nd, it did mean that I couldn't always meet everybody's needs immediately, and that meant that sometimes DD2 cried while I took care of DD1, or DD1 had to wait (and sometimes cry) while I took care of DD2. It did NOT mean that I started leaving either of them to CIO intentionally, but it did mean that they both cried more simply because there were 2 of them and only 1 of me.

Maybe that's what they're referring to? That you can't respond immedately to all cries with 2 babies?

Or maybe GD is just so far out of their frame of reference that they can't imagine handling one baby without CIO, much less two.
 

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It's like Ruthla said. It's about INTENTION.

Yes if there is one of you and two of them, and you have to pee occasionally or if you have two in diapers, sometimes one of them will be crying. But that's very different from intending to let them cry.

One is something you can't prevent cause you're only human, the other is a philosophy of ignoring cries on purpose.
 

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I can't stand the second person discussion of parenting on any subject ("YOU this, YOU that). If people feel such a need to assuage their guilt with me, then they can keep it in their first person (WE found, I felt). I felt that way during pregnancy too. "You will get to the point where you just don't care, give me the damn epidural!" No I didn't, and No I won't!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by blsilva View Post
I changed my mind when I had my second child- I decided not to even bring the crib out of the garage this time! I have loved cosleeping, and my youngest has been happily in my bed since day 1!


We gave the crib away after the first and didn't get another one for the second.
 

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I have trips and don't CIO. It is harder sometimes, but you become very in tune to what they want and why they are crying so that it doesn't escalate. And like Amy, sometimes they cry while they wait, but I'm in the room and usually talking to them so that they know they aren't alone.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Momtwice View Post
They say that because they can't stand feeling guilty. So they bash you instead, to feel better.
Yeah! Guilt is a hard pill to swallow...
 

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Discussion Starter · #33 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by bandgeek View Post
I'm also going to keep using car seats, even though it would be easier and take less time just to toss them in the back seat and hope for the best.

I should start using that as a response and see what they say.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hipumpkins View Post
I always hated when people treated me like an idiot when I just had one kid. My second has not made me change my general philosphy of kindness towards my kids.
Wait a second! You mean children deserve to be treated like decent human beings?!?
:


Quote:

Originally Posted by Momtwice View Post
It's like Ruthla said. It's about INTENTION.

Yes if there is one of you and two of them, and you have to pee occasionally or if you have two in diapers, sometimes one of them will be crying. But that's very different from intending to let them cry.

One is something you can't prevent cause you're only human, the other is a philosophy of ignoring cries on purpose.
I totally agree and would never consider a baby crying for a few minutes because supper is burning or nature is calling, etc. to be CIO.

But these people seem to think that I must let him wail for an hour or so every day...
:

Believe you me, as a single parent, there are times when I know he just wants to be held and I sing to him while I nuke me some leftovers. But he does NOT go longer then a few minutes, even if that means that the tree is up but not decorated for a week!
 
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