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My son is in the 1st Grade. He is shy and quiet, yet well-liked by his peers.<br><br>
His class this year is a little "rough". There is one boy, in particular, who has been taunting my son for awhile now. I have met him a couple of times when I volunteer in the classroom, and one time at a birthday party. This boy is very sneaky and mean. He waits until he think no adults are looking or listening, and hits/shoves the other kids or says mean things to them.<br><br>
My son is doing okay academically, but not very happy at school this year. Unfortunately, his teacher is kind of "flaky" as well. She's sweet, though.<br><br>
Today my son came home and told me that this boy pushed him down at recess, and proceeded to try to choke him on the neck. I looked at his neck and saw small red marks. He said that he told the teacher, and the boy got in trouble. However, the next recess he was trying to do it again to my son! I asked my son why this boy would do this, and he said he doesn't know. I asked him if he touched the boy or said anything that might have come across as mean, and he said no. He seemed rather traumatized and confused about what this boy did to him.<br><br>
I don't know where to begin to solve this problem. The teacher does not seem to be doing much when it comes to disciplining this boy. My husband was thinking maybe he should try to contact her about this matter.<br><br>
What would you do? My son is did not have these problems in kindergarten. I mean, he's always been shy and quiet, but in kindergarten there were never any bully issues like this.
 

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How about talking to the principal? Taking a picture of the red marks... meeting with him or her... and telling them you'd like to know what the plan is for protecting your son. I'd ask that it be in writing so they'll know you're taking it seriously.<br><br>
I'm sorry your son is dealing with this.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that"><br><br>
I went directly to the principal last year when my dd was being bullied. He fired some people and implemented some changes this year (teachers, not underqualified women sitting around chatting, are with the kids at all times during recess). Haven't had any problems this year (except a case of outright racism towards my dd's classmate/crush that is really bugging me, bigtime).
 

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Definitely talk to the teacher. Bullies are notorious for pulling that crap when no one is looking, so if the teacher doesn't witness it and your son doesn't tell, she won't know. If he only told her one time, she may not realize it is an ongoing issue. Kids at that age tattle frequently and if she isn't paying attention to the fact that it is the same kid over and over again, or if he only told her once, it may not be registering as an ongoing problem. I'd talk to her about it. If you don't get anywhere, I'd call the principal. Bullying is gaining more and more attention with many schools implementing anti bullying programs.<br><br>
My dd has been having issues with a couple of girls at school, instigated by one girl. I was going to talk to the principal, but a sub witnessed it the next day and actually called her teacher at home that night to discuss it. The teacher came in the next day and called the girl up to her desk. DD said the girl cried and the teacher told her that if it happened again, the principal and girl's parents would be involved. That was 2 weeks ago and no more issues so far.<br><br>
I had explained to dd that bullies are often not so tough. Sometimes they are made to feel small or weak at home, either by parents or siblings. Sometimes they bully to make themselves feel strong or important. They are often insecure and when confronted by an adult, it stops. When dd came home she said, "Hey mom, you were right. She isn't so tough." This girl has a big, pushy, passive agressive mother who is known for trouble making and is basically a bully too. You know what they say about the apple and the proximity to the tree! While I feel for the kid, mine is my primary concern and her safety/well being is my responsibility.<br><br>
It is very frustrating to know your child is being bullied. My dd is in 4th and small for her age. The teasing is often related to her size, "Are you sure you're in 4th grade and not Kindergarten... Why are you so tiny? I could break you in half if I wanted to... " etc. There were a few physical threats as well and teasing because of grades and calling her stupid. This is a big deal for me, since we work hard to keep up her self esteem and confidence. DD is dyslexic and doesn't always do well in certain areas. The girl that is bullying her is HUGE for her age, like at least twice the size of my dd and quite aggressive.
 

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I would go right to the principals office. The teacher is supposed to be "in control" of the classroom, and may need some help/coaching to do it.<br><br>
That one child was able to leave marks on another's neck shows that supervision levels at the playground were not high enough - the school needs to be made aware. The school should take attempted choking very seriously, just like they have mandatory suspensions for bringing weapons (like a pocketknife) to school. Be sure to take photos of any marks, you can call the police if it happens again - this will force the school to act, if the existing situation does not already.<br><br>
The bully could end up being pretty bad as an adult if intervention does not happen at this age.<br><br>
If there are ongoing problems, you can demand the bully be moved to another classroom or even school.<br><br><a href="http://www.educationworld.com/a_issues/issues/issues103.shtml" target="_blank">http://www.educationworld.com/a_issu...ssues103.shtml</a><br><a href="http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/topics/bullying.asp" target="_blank">http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/topics/bullying.asp</a>
 

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Escalate to the principal. Choking is a serious event. One that should probably go on the radar for the child to be seeing a social worker through the school system.
 

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I agree that, since you've already talked to the teacher and the problem persists, you need to go to the principal. Do not let this continue. Your son should not have to suffer like that on a daily basis. He should feel safe and secure at school, not nervous and scared.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you and your son. Good for you for being his advocate!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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My son was bullied in preschool. I was shocked and devestated. Basically, this child would taunt him and push him and be very aggressive towards him. My son did not want to go to school and after talking to him a lot, that is how I found out about the bullying. Here is what I did.<br><br>
I asked him what I could do to help. We brainstormed some ideas (most of which were mine because he was too young to have ideas about what to do) and we agreed that I would call the teacher that night and talk to her about the situation. So I did. She was shocked and said that she would look into it a little more. Then I started teaching my son what to do when this happened. Solutions we came up with included telling the teacher, screaming really loud "STOP! NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!", and leaving the scene and going somewhere else to play.<br><br>
Then we talked about it every day. And when incidents happened, I would discuss it with the teacher the next time I saw her. She would say "Ohhh, I didn't see that." I finally said "Maybe you could watch them a little more closely?" she did and started to see some of the bullying herself and stepped in. Since you have already talked to the teacher, I would escalate it to the principal.<br><br>
But what I really think helped my son the most was the techniques we discussed on how to handle being bullied. He used to tell me that he yelled at him to stop and it worked and he was really proud of himself. He gained a lot of confidence once he knew how to handle it.<br><br>
And like a PP said, we also talked about how he was taking his anger out on other kids and that he had not been taught the right way to handle his anger and that maybe he wasn't being treated nice at home.
 

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Wow.<br>
I definitely echo the go to the principal solution. When an incident like this happens, someone other than the teacher needs to be involved.<br>
Our school as a zero tolerance policy which is good and bad.<br>
DS is 7 and although he's not a bully, he's had two instances of "touching" another child and I was told that if it happened again he would get an out of school suspension!<br>
The first time, he was on the bus and another child crawled under his seat--my son stomped his hand. Partially because he was startled, and also because he was reacting. Both kids were counseled about this--the bus driver informed the VP who is always present when the buses arrive.<br>
Second time, a child made fun of ds because he got a bad mark on his homework. DS in turn pushed this child and my son got an in school suspension!<br>
I'm mentioning these things to you because in my eyes they're minor, but they were still taken very seriously--the bully at your school should never have gotten this far. He's getting away with it and if he keeps getting away with it, it makes it o.k. and not only that but things will get worse.<br>
Even if we didn't live in a time where most schools are very particular about agression, what happened to your ds would still call for an escalation in who was involved.<br>
And I agree with a pp; choking is not pushing or shoving or even self defense in an elementary situation. There is a reason why that kid feels the need to choke and he needs to be helped out.<br>
Good luck--please update!!!
 

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First, I would go right to the principal on the next school day and tell him/her that he/she is moving my child to a classroom with an experienced teacher THAT VERY MINUTE. Then, I would insist that my child is safely kept away from the bully at lunch and recess. Third, I would demand that the parents of the bully be made to come in and, if such behavior toward my child continues, that he be suspended. If I didn't get the results I wanted immediately, I would get a lawyer, pull my child out of this school, and sue their pants off. Don't forget too, that you can call the police and report that your son was assaulted at school.<br><br>
Guess you can tell I have a low tolerance for bullying, huh? To me it would be absolutely unacceptable to have to go to work and be taunted and assaulted. Why should it be any different for our precious children? It is their basic right to be safe at school.
 

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I would still echo talking to the teacher again because I don't think a repeating pattern has been completely established. Speaking to the principal in a day or two would also be warranted but give the teacher a little more heads up too.
 

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Thank you all very much for your replies, I appreciate them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I spoke with his teacher, and she told me it is an on-going problem with a few of the boys in the class. She has the parents of those boys involved, and she has also started holding weekly class meetings about being kinder to one another. She also told me that if this group of boys continues to have problems, the principal will be involved.<br><br>
My daughter's school has one of those no-bully policies, which I love. I wish they had it at my DS's school, too.
 

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If the teacher has the parents of the children involved at this point the principal should be involved, also.<br><br>
That's great that she's noticed but if it has been ongoing and she hasn't had any results then it is time to get the administration involved. Especially for the bullying boys parents to understand the seriousness of the events.<br><br>
Hugs to you guys!
 

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Moving to learning at school. I'm sorry this is happening to your little guy.
 

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Broken record recommendation: Barbara Coloroso's book on bullying, which every teacher (IMO) should have.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Blue Tulip</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10340173"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thank you all very much for your replies, I appreciate them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I spoke with his teacher, and she told me it is an on-going problem with a few of the boys in the class. She has the parents of those boys involved, and she has also started holding weekly class meetings about being kinder to one another. She also told me that if this group of boys continues to have problems, the principal will be involved.</div>
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Two more things you might want to do:<br><br>
1. Tell your son that the teacher is trying to do something about this other boy's behaviour and wants to know if the boy tries to hurt anyone in any way. Actually, if you could have this conversation with your son and the teacher to make it clear to your son that he should feel comfortable "telling" in this instance.<br>
2. Tell the teacher that you want the playground supervisors to be aware of the situation and keep an extra eye on this boy.<br>
3. Does your son have friends in his class that could help him out? There was a rough kid in my son's class in kindergarten that picked on a few of them - although nothing as bad as you've described. I pointed out to my son and his friends that as a group they were much stronger than him so why didn't they all tell him to just cut it out? They were all friends and if they stuck up for each other he couldn't pick on any of them. He's actually an okay kid now! And I hope all the kids feel good about themselves because they handled it themselves. (I did speak to the teachers, as well!)<br><br>
The worst part about bullying is the poor self esteem it leaves behind and if you and the teacher handle it all on your own your son is left feeling helpless, like a victim. He needs to be involved in the solution.
 

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This may help with the verbal bullying, though I don't know what to do about the pushing and whatnot. But it would seem that even that would dissipate too when their is nothing to target.<br><br>
It's from Parenting with Love and Logic Author Jim Fay. You may or may not like his philosophy, but this How-to "Teaseproof your child" seems to be very good.<br>
Not that I want an opportunity for my dd to use it, but I am keeping it as a resource in case it's needed.<br><br><a href="http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:CqdxFeIFHTYJ:www.loveandlogic.com/pdfs/teaseproof.pdf+teaseproof+your+child&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us&client=firefox-a" target="_blank">http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache...ient=firefox-a</a><br><br>
It's one thing to report this other bully, but that may not be totally effective (especially with a weak administration). Rather, you can build up your son in a way to really let water roll off his back. When you act like nothing bothers you ,there is not much for a bully to target.<br><br>
IMO, telling the administration, moving the child from the classroom, isn't teaching the child how to use his own power to protect himself. He could be a target anywhere he goes if he doesn't find his own power.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kmcmommyto3</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10352680"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This may help with the verbal bullying, though I don't know what to do about the pushing and whatnot. But it would seem that even that would dissipate too when their is nothing to target.<br><br>
It's from Parenting with Love and Logic Author Jim Fay. You may or may not like his philosophy, but this How-to "Teaseproof your child" seems to be very good.<br>
Not that I want an opportunity for my dd to use it, but I am keeping it as a resource in case it's needed.<br><br><a href="http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:CqdxFeIFHTYJ:www.loveandlogic.com/pdfs/teaseproof.pdf+teaseproof+your+child&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us&client=firefox-a" target="_blank">http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache...ient=firefox-a</a><br><br>
It's one thing to report this other bully, but that may not be totally effective (especially with a weak administration). Rather, you can build up your son in a way to really let water roll off his back. When you act like nothing bothers you ,there is not much for a bully to target.<br><br>
IMO, telling the administration, moving the child from the classroom, isn't teaching the child how to use his own power to protect himself. He could be a target anywhere he goes if he doesn't find his own power.</div>
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I like the article except for one aspect - the part where the bully moves on to find another target. First of all, I really think the bully needs help as well, he or she is not a happy person either. Secondly, many kids, like my dd feel very traumatized by witnessing others being bullied. Therefore, just the shift from not being the target would not alleviate the pain of the situation.<br><br>
That said, we do talk about the techniques to avoid being a target - but that doesn't exclude telling people in authority about the problem as well.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mom2ponygirl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10358348"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I like the article except for one aspect - the part where the bully moves on to find another target. First of all, I really think the bully needs help as well, he or she is not a happy person either. Secondly, many kids, like my dd feel very traumatized by witnessing others being bullied. Therefore, just the shift from not being the target would not alleviate the pain of the situation.<br><br>
That said, we do talk about the techniques to avoid being a target - but that doesn't exclude telling people in authority about the problem as well.</div>
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Well, so combine the two aspects. Tease-proof the child and try to get the administration on board. But this would help the child if the administration does squat about it, like refuse to move the child, or act like their hands are tied. Maybe the someone watching the bullying would see the child stand up for himself like stated here, and imitate that instead of being upset.<br><br>
We can't rescue our children from every threat, but we ought to equip them with techniques to help themselves, shouldn't we?
 
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