When your child loves something you don't like.

689 Views 13 Replies 12 Participants Last post by Rhiannon Feimorgan, Apr 5, 2006

Rhiannon Feimorgan

Discussion Starter · Mar 31, 2006

When ds was younger it was pretty easy for me to regulate what kind of toys came into our house, what kind of videos we would rent and so on. The things that he was interested in and talked about where things that I had introduced to him and that I aproved of.

Over the last year things that I'm not crazy about have leaked into our home. Some gifts from Granny that ds will notice if it's gone so I can't just make it disapear the way I might have when he was smaller, some things he has picked up from kids at school, shows he has watched at friends houses and so on.

He is getting obsesive about Spiderman and Digimon and Power Rangers and all these things that I don't like. All he ever wants to talk about are all the diferant attack moves his heros can make and what kind of wepons they have. And he will talk non stop about it all day if I don't tell him I need some quiet. If I tell him I don't like violent things like that he looks at me with this face that looks like I just told him I don't like him. I want to be supportive and accepting of my son and who he is and that should include his intrestes but I feel so uncomfortable listening to him talk about blasting the bad guys and how big of a gun he wants.

So how do I find a balance? I don't know what to do.

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Stayathomemommy

· #2 · Mar 31, 2006

two choices really..........tell him that those shows are silly and you dont like them because they are violent and dont want him watching it. or you have to come to grips with the fact that its a pretty natural boy thing to go through and that it wont make them violent.

my daughter would love Brats dolls and that sort of thing but i do not alow it in the house and if she got one from a grandparent i might just take it away. if we are in a toy store and she sees something like that that i dont like i tell her i think they are silly dolls and that they dont wear enough clothes and its rude to show your belly..........ect.......

i will be having a boy in a couple weeks so i know eventually i will go through what you are going through. i think i will simply try not to encourage it and if he just loves the stuff when he sees it on occation at someone elses house i will just have to ride the wave as long as it doesnt get out of control.

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Alkenny

· #3 · Mar 31, 2006

As long as he's just talking about the moves and not "demonstrating" them, I don't see a big problem. Like PP said, most boys (and girls for that matter!) show an interest in things like this at one point or another. How you react to it will govern how far they take it.

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SaveTheWild

· #4 · Mar 31, 2006

the book "Playful Parenting" has a good discussion of this exact topic. Basically, his point was "suck it up and play with them". By telling him you don't like somethign that is important to him, he feels like you are saying you don't like him, or don't like his choices, and that is a hard feeling for anybody.

the author basically said to just play with them, that is most important, and sometimes you can subtly nudge the play in a direction you are more comfortable with. For example, when his kids wanted to play war he played with them, but his gun was a love gun and when he shot you you got shot with love.

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Rhiannon Feimorgan

Discussion Starter · #5 · Apr 1, 2006

Thanks for all your imput. I guess it's just something I'm going to have to get used to.

Today I made a deal with him that we would play his game for a while and then my game. We both had fun doing both games.

I think I was just freaking out a bit because I had worked so hard to keep that stuff away from him I felt like I had failed.

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edamommy

· #6 · Apr 1, 2006

I always thought my ds would be a "tree-huggin' ,peace lovin', doll carrying alternative boy". Well, he's not. He LOVES power Rangers and all the super heros. HATES dolls. etc etc.

BUT--- because my dh and I are way more "peace-y" than your average power ranger purchasing parent Baylor plays with these mainstreem toys differently then others might expect. He tucks them into bed (oy- cannot tell you how many times those dang power rangers have found themselves wrapped up inside my nightgown by the middle of the night!?!?), he plays "mommy and daddy powerranger" and has them do things like cook,etc and he's SURE that all power rangers (and Spider man.... but NOT superman and NOT the blue power ranger...) are vegetarians! lol.

So, I guess we just have to have faith that our parenting skills and the "moral" make up of our kids will allow THEM to see beyond the "mainstream-iness" of these toys/games.

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sarahmae1

· #7 · Apr 1, 2006

My ds1 loves all that stuff too... but it doesn't bother me. What DOES bother me is that he loves army/military stuff, its an obession really, has been for a few years now. I just go with it, but we do have a few rules such as 'no shooting your brother'.

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nonniecita

· #8 · Apr 1, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by SaveTheWild
For example, when his kids wanted to play war he played with them, but his gun was a love gun and when he shot you you got shot with love.

That is so cool!!! It made me laugh

Michelle

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MOM2ANSLEY

· #9 · Apr 1, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stayathomemommy

my daughter would love Brats dolls and that sort of thing but i do not alow it in the house and if she got one from a grandparent i might just take it away. if we are in a toy store and she sees something like that that i dont like i tell her i think they are silly dolls and that they dont wear enough clothes and its rude to show your belly..........ect.......

Yep Bratz are the only toy dd asked for that I do not approve of, and I tell dd they do not wear enough clothes....and have big heads

Now dd sees them and tells me they are bad bc they need clothes etc....
If a grandparent bought one ....I've stressed they are the ONE off limit toy....I would leave it at grammas house...JMO

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flyingspaghettimama

· #10 · Apr 1, 2006

You think that's bad...my SIX year old daughter just discovered My Little Pony.

Helllllpppp Meeeeee.... Yet, my parents forbade Barbie and Cabbage Patch Kids and I jonesed for it so bad. So, whatever.

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KaraBoo

· #11 · Apr 1, 2006

I went through this with Disney, Barbie, battery-operated toys and, the big one for me, video games.

My daughter is happy she can choose what she likes and enjoys now. She is still gentle and silly and loving and creative. She has her own money (a monthly stipend) and she can buy whatever her heart desires. That has helped me a bit because I still have issues with certain things and am struggling with advocating by purchasing merchandise connected with ideals I don't espouse.

ETA: this doesn't mean that I don't buy her things myself.

Also, sometimes she asks me to sit and watch SpongeBob, which I truly detest. But I sit with her and read a magazine or sit a bit and try to see what she likes so much about it. I enjoy her enjoying herself. I think it's healthy for children to see that people can have differing interests and sources of enjoyment. I also agree with the above poster that a younger child may be confused and think you do not approve of him, not that you simply don't approve of what he enjoys. You have to judge for yourself what your child can comprehend emotionally. Good luck in finding balance! ((()))

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Laggie

· #12 · Apr 5, 2006

My 7 year old stepdaughter is obsessed with her Tamagochi toy. I can't stand the bloody things. This has been going on since school started this year. I'm really hoping she gets bored of it soon. As if an electronic beeping toy wasn't irritating enough already, this is one that has to be played with continually or it will "die."

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mama2silas

· #13 · Apr 5, 2006

I hear you! What I don't understand is how they even know about these things -- ds has not watched Power Rangers or Batman, but knows all about them. We let him watch DH's 1967 Spiderman episodes. They are very cheesy and campy, and not really violent.

He will act out Power Rangers with the neighbor kids, and the pretend play is ok in my book as long as it doesn't get violent. He is allowed to buy Rescue Heroes with his money (and we have paid for them as well). I love the Rescue Heroes though -- non-violent (unless you are talking about the violence of natural disasters!) and pretty cool.

I'm sure we will be worn down by his next b-day and allow him to have some Power Rangers. I'm going to hold out as long as possible though!

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Rhiannon Feimorgan

Discussion Starter · #14 · Apr 5, 2006

I love rescue heros to! Ds is in school now so he picks up things from friends.

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