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My house is driving me nuts, and I need some perspective. We bought our house 4 yrs ago after an extensive search, and it fit the most of what we needed then. But at the time, dd was not independently mobile and we didn't know the extent of her issues. We live in a two-story house, which means all of the second floor (and the sort-of finished basement) is inaccessible to dd. We live on a busy street and our yard has a drop-off, so no way can dd play outside with anything other than arms-distance supervision. And did I mention we have only one bathroom, which means that dd's 15-20 minute bathroom trips 8-10 times a day are causing BIG problems in a house with five people (including two preteens).<br><br>
Right now, we've moved the older kids upstairs to their own rooms after a brief but unsuccessful attempt to have the girls share a room. Dh and I are using the dining room as a bedroom (which, of course, has no door, no closet and no privacy), and dd has her own room.<br><br>
We can't afford to move to the kind of house we want/need. We have tons of debt <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: , mostly because dd's needs, and I think any mortgage lender would laugh us out of the office.<br><br>
I know this probably seems like a minor issue, but it's just causing this huge amount of stress for dh and I. We keep going around in circles talking about it, and figured we needed some other thoughts . . .
 

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In our area, house values have taken a huge leap in the last 2-3 years. We bought our current house for 82,000 3 years ago and it now appraises at 150,000.<br><br>
Even if you have bad credit, you might look into debt consolidation if you feel that your house is worth more now than the debt on it. There are no-cost refinancing options... you might even be able to get into a 40-year mortgage with lower monthly mortgage payments than what you have now, plus all your debt is refinanced into the house. There might even be enough left over to finish the basement so that its at least a safe play area and add half a bath down there.<br><br>
Meanwhile, I sympathize <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> We three are living in 800 square feet (although we do have a large yard which is nice). Our beds fold up and take very little space during the day, making it feel rather roomy even. Too bad because I have a beautiful bedroom set from my childhood that I can't wait to set up for DD, but it will just have to wait.
 

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It doesnt sound like a minor issure, particularliy if its bugging you...I think the money part of raising kids is the most frustrating part<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Our house is not a great fit in someways for ds's needs either, but its unlikey we'll be moving into a new house either.
 

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just checking, but do you get federal disability aid for your daughter? State aid and Title 19? That helps us afford our mortgage. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Also, call your county offices on disabilities and ask if there is a grant program for children with special needs (or any program your daughter would qualify for). Our county has a waiting list for grants to disabled kids, which means every 3 years or so we're eligible for $3,000 per disabled child (two of my sons are SN) to do household projects related to their disabilities. It helps.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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that's so tough, not minor at all!
 

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I understand your frustration. It is really hard to feel trapped. You aren't. You have options. It may be that you need a smaller, but more appropriate house. Perhaps you should rent. Perhaps you could get a great house with some family help and take on a renter for awhile. There are options, you just (ha ha "just," Sorry, I know it isn't "just") be open to ideas and possibilities, something will happen.<br><br>
I wanted to let you know that you DON"T want to consolidate your debt onto your house. If you ever need to go bankrupt, you wouln't be able to discharge the debt and would lose your house. I know lots of people do it, but it could be disasterous in your case.<br><br>
A lot of hospitals have grants or scholarships or write off plans for a lot of people. We qualified and my dh made an average income. We were very suprised.
 

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((HUGS))<br><br>
You should go and post in the Decluttering and Organizing forum. You'll get some great ideas there to help things be a little more liveable.<br><br>
I agree about seeing if you can get a grant that can help with home improvement. Maybe a lift to get your dd up the stairs, or a big wooden porch in front or back to help her enjoy outside. Two on line friends just had the following done with grants: a big back porch with electric wheelchair lift, and a total room renovation for the disabled child that includes a personal bathroom with enough room for his needs including a lift for the bath.<br><br>
In the meantime, can you move one of the kids downstairs to the dining area where you are sleeping and take over their room upstairs? You really need and deserve privacy. A pre-teen can handle being in the dining room area. Especially if you put a pretty curtain across for privacy and buy a cheap wardrobe from IKEA or someplace to serve as a closet. At IKEA you can buy these curtain rod things that are basically a wire cable with mounts and you can hang them anywhere. Then get some curtains and there you go, privacy enough for a pre-teen.<br><br>
For the bathroom-- maybe set up a little area with a mirror and make-up table somewhere in a corner of the hall or livingroom that can help the girls fix their hair and faces so you can keep the bathroom open for toilet use. Have a shower or bath schedule worked out. Maybe half of you can take night showers and the other half can take day showers.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·

USAmma;8192430<br> For the bathroom-- maybe set up a little area with a mirror and make-up table somewhere in a corner of the hall or livingroom that can help the girls fix their hair and faces so you can keep the bathroom open for toilet use. Have a shower or bath schedule worked out. Maybe half of you can take night showers and the other half can take day showers.[/QUOTE said:
<br><br>
Great idea!<br><br>
I do think you all are giving me some food for thought. We've been so stuck on being depressed about the financial piece (not being able to afford to move), that we haven't put a lot of effort into more creative thinking.<br><br>
We do have some state funds available that might help us renovate the bathroom. We can't do any additions, though, because of zoning restrictions. Can you tell me more about the grant kinds of programs? I'd be happy to write a grant if it helped us be able to make it here for a while longer.<br><br>
USAmma, I'm an avid lurker in the decluttering forum, and it really has helped. I find I am much happier when the house is tidy -- it makes it feel bigger, and it's easier for dd to get around.
 

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I believe that you can find a great solution for you and your family. I don't know what it is, of course. Before I send the links, I want to send hugs to you. This sounds hard. I think once you change into a different situation, you will be shocked at how much easier your life can become.<br><br>
Here are some links about buying a house:<br><br><a href="http://www.creditboards.com" target="_blank">http://www.creditboards.com</a> -- go to the mortgage forums, and they have tons of information on home loans, including grants of various kinds to help people in special situations. There may be more assistance out there than you realize. You can post your questions there, anonymously, and you may be shocked at all of the help and different programs the posters there know about. They are obsessed with mortgages, so if anyone knows about the programs available, it will be the folks on the mortgage forums there.<br><br><a href="http://www.michaelbluejay.com" target="_blank">http://www.michaelbluejay.com</a> -- go to his consumer guides for buying a house. This goes step by step through the homebuying process.<br><br>
We thought we could not afford to move, either. It turned out that our house, delapidated as it was, had dramatically increased in value over the years we lived in it. We were able to buy a lovely house in the burbs that worked for us for the same monthly payment.
 
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