[rowantree]

im a good mom... Im strict when i need to need to be and I think Im fun the rest of the time. I dont ride their a$$' but I make them do their stuff (ie clean, feed the animals). Then my mom comes to visit and at the same time as shes being the cool gramma who lets them do gramma stuff (stay up late, have too much sugar, watch videos) shes nagging on me about how they are cranky and trashed the house and giving me suggestions on how I can get them to clean up after themselves and how watching 1 video at night is keeping them up at night cause if I just turned it off they would go right to sleep. Telling me tomorrow they need to have some vegetables cause they've had too much mac-n-cheese. uh - HELLO- I live this life every day... i KNOW they shoud feed their animals, I KNOW that they should clean their rooms, I KNOW they need vegetables. She thinks these are new battles thats shes uncovering because shes isnt here every day, in reality these are things I freaking deal with every day. My saving grace is that she does have the intellegence to realize that she had me (one "well behaved, perfect" child) and I have 2 less than 2 years apart, and adds a dynamic shes unfarmiliar with.

my wierdest revealation is that when she turns into hard a$$ mode, shes says all the things Im about to say, but when she says them I get defensive for my kids. When she tells my 5 year old not to do something I find myself defending her - Im more lenient than her. My mom, the woman who let me do everything, is agramma. She thinks every single thing is too dangerous. My 5 year old is jumping in the dogs water next to a gardenig tool...... she says dontyou'll cut yourself. I turn to her and ask, do you think she'll cut her foot off? Should we make an appt. at the ER now for later when she surely will cut off a limb on the (dull) weed chopper? Why do grandparents see the worst that could happen? and why is it 10x's worse than what could actually happen?
I hate defending my kids about things i would normally be mad about..

my mother is in town.
the world is upside down
Im the nice one
but still not the fun one
I love her
and so do they
I miss her
but I miss missing her more

 

[flapjack]

Me too. I just tell her to lighten up (unless someone else beats me to it.) She's only here for short visits, and she does forget how competent children can be at assessing danger.

 

[A&A]

Just say, "I'm raising these children, thanks."

And they don't have to have sugar just because g-ma gives it to them. You're still in charge!

 

[zinemama]

Sounds like part of the problem is the mixed messages your kids are getting when Grandma's over. From what you say, you let your usual rules fly out the window when she's around, and you let her be in charge, with the result that they eat junk food, watch videos, have too much sugar, etc. And then she doesn't like dealing with the fallout and blames you for the way they act.

Maybe you need to establish some ground rules for her visits, i.e. you eat the same food you usually do, you don't watch videos late if that's not your family's way, etc. Of course she's going to want to be the cool Grandma and spoil them, but maybe you could make the treats things like her taking them to the zoo or a picnic.

Good luck!

 

[velochic]

My mother lives with us. It's imperative that you have a nice, calm sit-down conversation with you mother about these issues. It can be done. If we did it, and believe me, we co-habitate very peacefully here, then you can. My mom and I come from opposite ends of the child-rearing spectrum and she NEVER crosses my lines as far as dd's discipline goes. She totally respects what I am doing, but we did have to talk about it.