[wende]

I am torn about posting this here, but I don't know where else to ask.

Here's our back story. At the end of November Dh lost his job. We took his final paycheck and paid up all of our bills that we could. We've always kind of lived paycheck to paycheck, never worrying about saving because we're apparently not good planners. That won't be happening again and we've got a plan in place to make sure this doesn't happen again. We did have a little left over for food and gas.

Dh is in the car business. Money is usually not a problem and jobs are easy to come by...usually. An old co-worker of dh had been trying to get dh to come to his dealership for months. Dh called him and went in for an interview with the manager almost immediately. They told him they wanted him but they needed to wait on the drug screen and background check. Since we just moved here from Oregon in August they had to pull background from Oregon. I don't know why it took so long, but it ended up taking almost a month. The whole time they kept telling dh, "it should be here in a day or two". So we spent most of December w/o a job or money.

The way the dealership is set up for payment is commission. They give salesmen (which is dh's temp position until a finance position opens up since that's actually what he does) a "draw" of $2000. Anything they make above that $2k is theirs, along with the $2k. Most dealerships pay on the last day of the month and the 15th with a "bonus" day on the 10th. It's all very confusing to me, but I've never much bothered myself with it since dh does finance and would make much more than that $2k draw. Anyway, this dealership pays on the 10th and the 25th. We expected him to get paid on the 31st and overdrew our account buying food with that expectation because we really had no other choice.

Ok, so here's my point/dilema. My 3 older kids are in Oregon until the 9th so the only people I have to worry about feeding are myself, my dh, and the 18mo old. Today I made some soup for the baby and me. I cooked his for half the time as I cooked mine for. By the time I was done cooking mine, he had finished his and was asking for more. I ended up giving him most of my soup as well. I would rather myself be hungry than him and I'm trying to ration out what's left of our food until the 10th. BUT, I'm 22 weeks pregnant so I'm feeling guilty about not eating much. So what do I do? Which baby do I feed? The 18mo old eats quite a bit right now, he's always hungry, but he's still nursing quite a lot durring the day and night, though I don't know that I have much milk left so I don't know if I'm needing to up my calorie intake because of the nursing still. I just don't know what to do, honestly.

We are hoping that things will change for us soon and we know that there will be a paycheck coming on the 10th, though we're not sure how much it will be for. Dh said that if things don't change/look up that we will sell the house in 30 days and move back to Oregon where it would be less expensive to live and he'd make just as much as he should be making here, but I'm not sure what to do in the mean time, yk? I don't want to let either baby suffer, but I'm having a hard time putting myself (and the fetus) above my baby who's here!

 

[sarahmae1]

Can you go to the food shelf? I have had to do that in the past, and they didn't ask for any proof of anything like they do when you apply for food stamps and such. That way you will get food right away too. Please look into it.

 

[wende]

Really? I didn't know that. I did think about food stamps, though I don't know that we'd qualify since dh does usually make so much money (and the reason I gave the back story was because of the food stamp thread, lol). I thought food shelves asked for proof as well. I'll look into what they have around here. Thank you!

 

[BlueStateMama]

Wendy

I'm not sure about an answer to your question, but have you looked into WIC or another assistance program to get you guys through the rough spots?

 

[sarahmae1]

You're welcome.... They did have me fill out a little form, but I didn't have to put our income or show any 'proof'. The one I went to also had a rule that you could only come every 2-3mos. or something like that. Anyway, it was a great help for us so I hope you can find one too!

 

[KayleeZoo]

Something else to consider is calling local churches. Explain your situation, as you did here, and ask them if there is any food assistance available, or if they know where you might go, etc. I know lots of churches have a food pantry of their own and will happily help people in the community, even if they are not members.

 

[carolsly]

(((Big Hugs))))

This has got to be really hard for you. Most of the local churches are somehow connected to foodbanks. Either they have one, or know of one. Most often you don't have to have proof of income. You may also be able to get some help with electrical and other utilities. There should be a program in your area.

If you are living in a larger area you may be able to visit the local soup kitchens. My girlfriend did this for 6 months with her 3 kids while they got on their feet. She says she learned to be very humble..and is now the most generous person I know.

I thank the Lord every day that I we can afford to feed our family.

Blesses mama.

 

[Free Thinker]

I think asking the local food banks is a great idea! You will need something for the next week while you wait on the paycheck. Also, is there any way that your DH could ask for an advance. We will sometimes on occasion do this for our employees (not on a regular basis, and only in emergencies!). You need to still be taking in at least 2500 calories a day, since you are nursing too (it should be more, but I think you could get by on that for a week or so anyway). Please take care of yourself! Asking for help in emergencies is what assistance is for. You are not taking advantage of anyone. I too would not go to the gov. assistance programs b/c of all the paperwork you have to fill out, local churches would be my first stop. It sounds like you are normally okay $$wise, just need a bit of a boost right now. Good luck!

 

[~Megan~]

What about your dh going without?

 

[wende]

Dh only eats at dinner time as it is. He's hypoglycemic (sp??) so he should be eating more himself. He can't get an advance, he already asked, they have a company policy against doing so. He was able to get a gas voucher to make it to work and back and put a bit of gas into my tank, but that's all they would do.

 

[Karennnnn]

Wende--
I probably could have written this myself right down to the dealership situation

My husband writes service and was laid off a few days before Thanksgiving. He finally found a job and starts tomorrow.
What we did probably won't help you now, but I applied for two credit cards and used them for food and gas while he was out of work. I am HATING it and they're actually both pretty much maxed out, but it got us through. Are there any credit cards you can use? If there ever was an emergency, this is one.
My DH works off of commission as well; paid on the 10th of the month (usually). He worked in a few places where there was a draw and that was very scary because there wasn't always work and with paying for insurance too, well, nothing was left by the time payroll came around. Hopefully your dh is in a position where he can make above the draw and business is good.
The car biz can be very nice financially but it's always unstable. I don't know about the finance end of it, but I know with most of the dealership positions you can be here and gone in the blink of an eye for no reason at all.
Good luck to you--it will get better!!!
Take care,
Karen

 

[fromscatteredtribe]

my heart goes out to you.

we lived that way for many months. many years ago we maxed out credit and when we don't have money, we can't buy food. my advice is to pray, not be humble, and tell EVERYONE you know. we have seen so many miracles. we have been down to pickles and dried beans and we have:

found money
been given grocery gift cards from our church
received WIC
had strangers from MDC send food money
had friends stop by with bags of food
had strangers (one woman i helped with a LLL call and she heard my kids fighting over the last piece of bread) bring over bags of food

we also sold books, kid clothes, ebay items for food and gas money

i was just about as pregnant as you are (had lost ten pounds because I gave the best food to kids, dh hardly ate) when we gave in and dh got a SECOND job at kohl's. he now works 7:30 in the morning until 11pm most days; he works weekends too. sometimes the kids go days without seeing him, i am often frustrated, my apartment is a mess, BUT we ALWAYS have food now. dh is LESS tired than when he came home at 6pm to an empty fridge, and we are all in better spirits than when we were hungry and afraid they'd shut off our electricity.

i know with car dealerships the hours might be funny, but starting super early or working late at one job or another; they even have overnight shifts unloading trucks at kohl's. dh actually likes the exercise and the casual atmosphere that conflicts with his sales exec position that involves sitting at a desk.

other things we did were to add eggs (cheap, hormone-free 99cents at trader joes) to our vegan diet and let the kids eat cheese pizza at church luncheons and parties; i also started buying margarine on sale to add to our cheap bread to keep the kids full longer, we ate more fat so that we would stay full too, and I redefined a meal (cereal from WIC with soy milk and an apple could be dinner if we needed it to be).

i now sell items from ikea on ebay and made almost 100 dollars in six weeks. i can do it with a nursling on my lap and it makes me feel useful. i have a friend who kniits cotton caps to sell to fellow LLL leaders for gifting.

i'm rambling, sorry. i hope it gets better soon.

 

[wende]

Thank you all

It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this situation, though it sucks to hear others have/are going through the same thing.

 

[cholderby]

Big hugs!!!!

I second the local churches idea. We keep food and money on hand for exactly this sort of situation.

 

[justmama]

UGH, been there, done that, doing it again now. I was a single mom utnil about 6 months ago and many a time did we beg at the food pantry when child support stopped coming and work was light. Now as a military wife, I make our dollar stretch to it's limits still. You would think that with the govt needing our military so badly lately that it would take care of us, apparently that's not the case. My hubby just volunteered for a deployment to Afghanistan in May to earn us some more money and help me and the kids save at home(by being fed for free at the chow hall everyday). So we do know how hard this is. I'm 33 weeks pregnant and I have lost 19lbs during this pregnancy and gained none back so far. My doctors are quite concerned but I just can't decide whether to take food out of my unborn child's mouth or out of my 4 1/2year old underweight daugther's mouth. WIC has a waiting list here so we are going to church food pantries, selling stuff on ebay(all dd's old clothing and toys), and cutting bigtime corners. We eat a lot of macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles in this house and go without sometimes too. Try WIC, try food pantry. Food stamps usually requires 4 weeks of paystubs and you have to make so little that you will starve first. Probably not going to work for you. My daughter and I were on food stamps for a long time and though they are great for people who desperately need them, you usually can't get them without practically falling down dead first. I would try the rest of the great suggestions here and I sincerely hope that things get better for you and your family. What a hard decision to make. I knw your pain. I'm there right now. I'm sorry.
Meg

 

[wende]

Meg

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this too. Thankfully I was able to get some help and should be ok now until payday. I'm looking into WIC today. Good luck to you!

 

[Destinye]

That sucks and hope the practical advice helps. I would feed the 18 mo old though as the baby inside takes priority in nutrition from you for as long as possible and hopefully you will get some assistance very soon in any case and sending lots of energy for a swift resolution of your problems.