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Which comes first?

419 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  kyartz
DD is 2 years and 5 months. She co-slept with us for over a year and then has gradually transitioned into sleeping in her own bed in her own room for the early part of the night. She weaned a few months ago, which was gentle and non-traumatic. DH gives her the bath, reads stories, and stays with her until she falls asleep in her own bed, which can be quick if she hasn't had a nap, or take up to 45 minutes if she has.

She'll sleep from her bedtime (between 7:30 and 8pm) until around 10:30pm and then comes over and gets into bed with me, while DH troops over to her room and sleeps the rest of the night. We did have a queen sized foam mattress in there but he started to complain about his back hurting, so we've invested in a double Tempurpedic for that room, as we'd like DD to sleep on one on her own at some point and that's what we have in our room.

Anyway, it would be very nice if DD is sleeping in her room all the time by the time we have our 2nd baby in October, although I would anticipate some regression and wanting to sleep with Mama at that point, if we even get there.

I'm wondering what steps to take to achieve this. Seems to me that she needs to get into a routine of being able to settle herself to sleep and not have someone right there cuddling her for her to go to sleep in the first place. Reckon it's a bit unfair to take her back to her bed and to leave her there if she hasn't developed the ability to self soothe. If this seems reasonable, should DH start to tuck her in and read stories in a chair next to the bed and then stay until she falls asleep as a first step? I've read on this forum that some folks have found this helpful and that they work towards moving the chair towads the door bit by bit until they eventually are able to leave the room and close the door when their child is still not completely asleep. We want to be gentle with DD and not to traumatize her, but it would be really nice if we could be moving forward, bit by bit, into having her in her own bed all the time. I treasure sleeping with DD, but I miss DH.

Postnote - our bed is a queen and although the crib is still side-carred, when DD comes in to bed, she doesn't sleep in the crib, but the bed. And there's just not enough room for all 3 of us. We can't afford to buy a king mattress, all the bedding and a new bedframe, and we're not going to put what we have on the floor. The situation now is "working", but I'd like to effect change, if possible.

Whatdya think?
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When I was trying to prepare my daughter to sleep in her bed when I was pregnant with my son, I did the gradual approach. I gave each transition as long as it needed...usually from a few days to a week. We started with bedtime routine and then I would lie with her until she fell asleep. Then I would lie with her for 5 minutes and then sit on her bed until she fell asleep. Then I would do a quick cuddle and just sit on her bed, but then move to a chair while she fell asleep. Then a quick cuddle, and in a chair and I'd leave to go to the bathroom a few times. Eventually, she realized she was OK to fall asleep with me not in the room. Now, we do bedtime (or my husband does) and we leave her wide awake. She reads, listens to music or plays quietly in bed until she falls asleep on her own.
How old was your daughter when you did this? Just curious.
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