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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just looked up the rates through kellymom.com, and it looks like about 71% of moms bf at least partially while in the hospital after giving birth. So I'm thinking who are these 29% who don't AT ALL? I would expect some are women who used formula with previous children and decided to do all formula with subsquent children. But some of them are first time moms, and they don't even try, not even once - why, why, why?

Just last week I found out that my cousin, who had her first baby this spring, didn't try breastfeeding even once. I'm not close with that side of the family, they live 500 miles away, so I can't really call up and say WTF???????

What do you imagine (or have heard) are reasons first time moms give for not ever trying, other than a true medical issue (which can't possibly count for all 29%)

This bugs me to no end.
 

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It's a small % of the number, I'd imagine, but I think it's quite uncommon for birth mothers to bf their babies when they're placing the baby for adoption. My sister and her husband adopted this spring and I don't think the birth mother put the baby to breast ever. So there's one small group of women who may not bf at all .... whether it's a first baby or their fourth, KWIM?

I have two friends IRL who didn't attempt bf - one has only had one child, I have no idea why she didn't even try (I haven't figured out a way to ask which wouldn't possibly make her feel like I was judging her, I know how defensive people get) ... The other friend didn't attempt with her first two at all (no one in her or the IL family bf'd) - it didn't occur to her, it was "dirty" and "gross" and "formula works just great." She wanted to bf her third, had a bad LC moment at the hospital (she probably would have been in the 71% who tried it at least once but that was IT for her); the last two babes, have both been bf from the beginning and she loves bf.

She's an educated woman. But it sometimes takes women quite awhile to push their way through the ffing culture they were raised within, to the point where they can reconcile the facts of bf with the reality of bf and actually make the leap to applying bf to their own world. My friend didn't get there 'til her fourth child. How many moms have more than 2-3 children any more?

I honestly think that there is a large segment of that number who simply don't consider bf, because no one they know bf's, and everyone they care about has nothing but good to say about ff, and nothing but judgment to share about bf. My friend's sister didn't try bf, even though she'd watched her own sister go from ff to bf and tell her how wonderful it was. "FF just seems easier." How ff companies have convinced people that mixing formula is easier than putting babe to breast, I don't know.
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One is my SIL. For her, her reasons are purely sellfish. 1, she is someone who thinks her breasts are used for sexual purposes. And 2, she honestly doesn't care about her children enough to try. I'll try and not get into her parental neglect, but she was never committed to doing someone for her children, and sadly still is this way.
From the common reason I've noticed from a few women who are so against breastfeeding is the same reason as above. Looking at breasts as sexual. I even had someone tell me, when I mentioned that I would nurse my ds when he was born, that "that's not what there used for". So sadly I couldn't even comment. **If only she said that now to me
 

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Reasons I've heard before:

-It's just not for me
-I'm going back to work in 12 weeks. I'd have to wean when I go back to work anyway, so what's the point in breastfeeding for only a few weeks.
-I have sensory issues and couldn't stand having a child suck on me.
-I have a history of sexual abuse/molestation and can't stand the thought of putting a child to my breast.

That said, mothers not wanting to breastfeed their children for whatever reason is not a new phenomenon. Wet nurses have been around for a loooonnnnngggg time.

I think that we should work on making our culture more breastfeeding friendly rather than looking down on individual mothers who choose not to breastfeed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Ah yes, those who put their babies up for adoption I wouldn't expect to try bf at all, that is a valid reason, to me. By like you said, Elanorh, that would probably account for just a tiny portion of that 29%.

The rest of them, it just amazes me - I don't think my cousin is particularly selfish or neglectful, as I understand it, she has always really wanted to have kids. We grew up in the same (extended) family with similar exposure to bf (or not), it just is completely bewildering to me that she and I ended up on such opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of bf.
 

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my sister (not yet a mother) vowed that she won't be breastfeeding because she is afraid the size of her bust might hurt her back. (I guess she thinks her breasts will be larger than her pregnant belly.)
:

I wouldn't want her to be at all uncomfortable while raising children.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ABand3

What do you imagine (or have heard) are reasons first time moms give for not ever trying, other than a true medical issue (which can't possibly count for all 29%)

This bugs me to no end.

My step-sister and I were taking about babies a few weeks ago and she said that when she has kids she will give her baby the bottle. I told her I was going to wet nurse her baby!
I said, "It's a wonderful experience and your baby get antibodies to keep it healthy too. How about just try it for the first couple days""Well,I was formula fed and I am okay."


I was not suprised...when my son was 2 months old my step-dad (her dad) said, "It's time he got off the tit."
That is a direct quote. I am hoping that through my example my sisters (and brothers!) will want their children BF amoung other things...
 

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I only know 2 people who never even tried to bf. One is my MIL. Now, this was over 30 years ago, but even back then the medical establishment here promoted breastfeeding as optimal. Her doctor encouraged her to do it, but - in her words: "they'd been enough of an inconvenience already". I was flabbergasted when I heard that. I knew DH & his siblings hadn't been breastfed (it was obvious from the shapes of their faces) but I assumed it was because she hadn't been encouraged to do so at all. But nope, it was just a convenience issue for her. I think she has some sort of eating disorder though - she has stated in the past that if she could get all the nutrients she needed from a pill she would, and she only eats so she doesn't starve to death or get sick. But, she doesn't care at all about nutrition beyond that. Buys the cheapest of everything no matter how nasty it is. Happy to put *rotten lettuce* in sandwiches. Just - weird.

The other person I know of who didn't bf is my neighbour's SIL. She didn't because she viewed breasts as sexual objects not as a food source. She comes from a fairly messed up family and has all sorts of psychological issues and a weird shopping addiction (seriously!).

Maybe not wanting to bf *should* be a diagnosable psychological problem...
 

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I know alot of people who have never even tried.

Most of them never really gave a reason other than "Eww, no way".
: I know a couple of women who couldn't because of issues related to sexual abuse, and a couple that said something along the lines of "I want my husband to be able to do the nighttime feedings so I can rest" kind of thing.
 

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29% IMO is ALOT!! Very sad. I really don't know a single person who DIDN'T "try" to bf???? Except on TV. I guess I've heard of people not even trying, I just have never personally spoke w/ them, yk?
 

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29%??? Holy cow! That's not bad at all compared to the last two places I lived. I can tell you with certainty (from my experience there as a mom, and working in the hospital) that more like 1% of moms EVER try to breastfeed. So I think that it depends on where you go.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by annethcz
Reasons I've heard before:

That said, mothers not wanting to breastfeed their children for whatever reason is not a new phenomenon. Wet nurses have been around for a loooonnnnngggg time.

I think that we should work on making our culture more breastfeeding friendly rather than looking down on individual mothers who choose not to breastfeed.
bravo, mama.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by spughy
I knew DH & his siblings hadn't been breastfed (it was obvious from the shapes of their faces)
I don't get it, how does an adult face shape show whether you've been BF or not?
 

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i know 3 women that never even tryed with there firsts
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by vsmom2two
I don't get it, how does an adult face shape show whether you've been BF or not?
Breastfeeding (from the tap) changes the shape of the child's mouth/jaw and therefore the rest of the face. This is why breastfeeding saves you money on the orthodontisit.

I can't tell based on the shape of the face if one has been breastfed or not because I don't know what shape their face would have been if they weren't breastfed, KWIM?

Someone with more experience may be able to though?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Pen
Breastfeeding (from the tap) changes the shape of the child's mouth/jaw and therefore the rest of the face. This is why breastfeeding saves you money on the orthodontisit.

I can't tell based on the shape of the face if one has been breastfed or not because I don't know what shape their face would have been if they weren't breastfed, KWIM?

Someone with more experience may be able to though?
intresting, would love to hear more about that
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by annethcz
Reasons I've heard before:

-It's just not for me
-I'm going back to work in 12 weeks. I'd have to wean when I go back to work anyway, so what's the point in breastfeeding for only a few weeks.
-I have sensory issues and couldn't stand having a child suck on me.
-I have a history of sexual abuse/molestation and can't stand the thought of putting a child to my breast.

That said, mothers not wanting to breastfeed their children for whatever reason is not a new phenomenon. Wet nurses have been around for a loooonnnnngggg time.

I think that we should work on making our culture more breastfeeding friendly rather than looking down on individual mothers who choose not to breastfeed.
 

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One was my cousin - her sisters' boobs were "too big to breastfeed" so she didn't even try.

I know a few moms from the DDCs at another site that I belong to (17mo ds and due 11/06) that won't even try. Some are under the impression that if they don't even offer the colostrum that their milk won't come in at all and they won't have to deal with making their milk dry up since they're just gonna ff anyway.
 

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My SIL doesn't have children yet, but she's made it clear she has no intention of ever BF. Her silly friends all have eating disorders and other body issues and when they had their own children, it was FF all the way. Meanwhile, she's seen me struggle with latch problems and yeast in the beginning, and my other SILs child has a milk-soy-protein intolerance so my SIL who BF subsists on a hardcore elimination diet.

She only sees the negatives to BF and none of the benefits or conveniences. I try to show her what a cinch it is and how I can eat whatever I want and I don't have to deal with bottles or smelly poo, but alas, no change of heart.
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