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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
With everyone starting to talk about registries, etc. I've started thinking about having a baby shower. And honestly, I don't think I've ever actually been involved in one (besides attending as a guest of course! But even that I haven't done in several years as I was a chiropractic student without many pregnant mommy friends...and away from home where all my other friends were having baby showers)

So my biggest question right now is who is supposed to host it? I looked a bit online, and it seemed like there wasn't really any "right" way and that it could be either a friend, or a family member. I asked my Mom about it and she said what she always thought is that the family doesn't usually host it as it then just looks like they're "in cahoots" and trying to get gifts for the new mom so they don't need to buy them all! So that it may be better for one of my friends to host it, and then for her and my sister to help out. But she also said to ask around, as she wasn't really sure.

I already have had quite a few people asking me when the shower will be...but not really any of them who are close enough that I would assume they would host and/or help plan anything. I'm also wondering about having it be only for women, or inviting supportive male friends and fathers as well. I kind of feel like my husband deserves to be celebrated and honored too! I mean, he's an integral part of the whole process, and he also wants to be a very involved parent (he's currently reading the Dr. Sears Attachment Parenting book and loving it!).
 

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My mother in law hosted my shower when I was pregnant with #1. I thought that was pretty normal? All her friends were THRILLED to come. We had a great time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
My mother-in-law is half way across the country, so that makes it a bit more challenging! But a good idea too...I could always get her to officially "host" it out here, and have it at my place!
 

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around here, moms and mils don't really host for the reason your mom said. DH's aunt and uncle are throwing us one, and one of my girlfriend's has asked to throw us another. Honestly though, I don't think it matters. A lot of those old rules aren't followed very closely anymore. I'm sure if you look in an Emily Post book you'll get the right answer since she's the go to lady on etiquette. I think the main rule is that the mom to be herself should not host, but for anyone else it's fair game!

ETA: DH is going to the big family shower, so are my father, and his father. There's nothing that says it has to be ladies only! The shower my girlfriend is throwing is chicks only, but it's my ladies night out crowd
 

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In all my experience with Showers it is hosted by who ever offers. I have had several friends offer, but due to one getting married very soon she asked my Sister to Host and she would be a helper as she could. I have honestly never heard of an issue with a family member hosting.
 

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DDC crashing from Sept

I think it partially depends on where you are - here in the PNW (I'm in Seattle, Hi neighbor!) we don't follow the Emily Post rules so much, so I think that anyone can host. My sisters hosted my bridal shower (they were co-MOH's) and really want to host the baby shower as well, so I'm letting them. I don't think that anyone bats an eyelash about it around here (one of my friend's Mom and MIL are co-hosting hers and it's no biggie.) If you were in a more "proper" area, like back East, it might be more frowned upon.
 

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I'm in Utah and we just have showers galore! I actually had a few separate ones with my first. I had one with dh's family, one with my family and one with friends (my old neighborhood growing up) mil hosted, aunt hosted and a friend from growing up hosted. With my third who was my first girl, I had a friend throw one for me. I think we don't really know what those manners are here in Utah, or at least not many people follow them
 

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I'd be uncomfortable with a family member hosting a shower for me, but I grew up with no white shoes after labor day or before Easter and all of those rules that the rest of the world have forgotten about. And one of my friends didn't wear pantyhose at her wedding and her in-laws still mention it many years later, so...

I agree with your mom in that I think it should be one of your friends that hosts your shower. That said, I've been to many a shower hosted by a sister/sister-in-law/cousin/etc and aside from my initial reflex southern cotillion-girl wince, I don't give it much thought.
 

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Upstate NY... it seems around here the shower is thrown by the first person to ask when it'll be.
Seriously, I've been to a dozen or so showers (including my own) and they were thrown by a wide variety of people. Friends generally, but also the moms family or her inlaws. A lot seems to depend on who lives nearby, how well the parents-to-be get along with their families, etc.

I don't think there's any particular reason to have one specific person (or person from a specific relationship group) in charge...
 

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I've always heard of showers being hosted by grandmas-to-be or other family members. It doesn't seem tacky to me.
:
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
It's so interesting how it really can make a difference where you live as to whether or not people tend to follow the official social etiquette rules :) .

It would make it a lot easier if someone would offer to host for me, but for some reason, most of my friends and family are so laid back and not into organizing...there's not really one of them who is ready to jump at the idea! They all basically say, "let me know if whoever plans it needs help for it". Aaargh.

That's why I just decided to ask my Mom, SIL and couple of girlfriends how it works and if they'd be up for helping plan it. So if THAT isn't tacky to ask people to throw a shower for you, I don't know what is
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Oh well. If I had the money to buy everything I needed myself, I wouldn't be worrying about it so much. But we could really use the help what with my husband and I being in the start of our second year of owning a business together - and not quite being able to really pay ourselves anything yet!
 

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The traditional etiquette is that a friend hosts it and not a family member because having a family member host looks greedy. However, lots of families end up hosting them because it is fun. Some do so so openly and some do so with discrete help, i.e. paying for certain items, etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks for all the feedback on this one! Looks like my SIL is going to officially be the host, with the help of a couple of my friends. And my Mom and sister will probably help out as needed or asked for as well!

I actually just had someone offer for the first time the other day, but it is a somewhat new friend, and we don't even really know each other all that well, so I wasn't sure I felt comfortable with that idea. I think I feel better having her get in touch with my sister in law to find out what she can do to help!
 
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