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Who sets the emotional tone of your house MOST of the time?

  • The Woman

    Votes: 37 30.8%
  • The Man

    Votes: 20 16.7%
  • It volleys back and forth equally

    Votes: 60 50.0%
  • We are not affected by each other's moods

    Votes: 3 2.5%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok. There was a post here on a completely different topic and a comment was made about how women set the tone of the household.

My observations have been the opposite (men setting the tone) but I wonder. So here is my informal poll.

So for those of you in a mixed gender relationship - please vote!
 

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I totally set the tone. My dh is very easygoing and mellow, and I tend toward moodiness. So if I'm happy, we're both happy. But if I'm upset . . . it's another story. (Dh deserves a medal for putting up with me sometimes.)
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post
I totally set the tone. My dh is very easygoing and mellow, and I tend toward moodiness. So if I'm happy, we're both happy. But if I'm upset . . . it's another story. (Dh deserves a medal for putting up with me sometimes.)
exactly.

:
 

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I think it depends on whose mood is "stronger" at the time. We tend to trade off being in a crabby mood, like a little emotional seesaw.

I dunno what that's all about.
Maybe when I get all down, he goes to extra efforts to brighten things up, and vice versa. But the overall "net household mood" seems pretty stable, so I can't say one of us is more of a tone-setter than the other.

It all works out pretty good that way.
 

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Hmmm...

I actually think it's the 'relationship energy' between partners that sets the mood in the home, rather than one person.

You can have two mellow people, but if they are glaring daggers at each other and if they're in a silent fight, it will still make for a tense atmosphere, even if they don't yell.

You can also have two boisterous loud people together but if they're cooperative and respectful of one another, their home's mood can be stable and secure (if loud).

I also think that if there is one partner that holds the majority of the day to day running of the household in their hands, that can tip the balance of the mood setting towards them, just because of the greater time and energy they put into the setting. However, their relationship with their partner will still affect that.

Oops, I'd skimmed the part where we were supposed to personalize this.


In our house, the mood setting is most definitely the state of our relationship, which is normally very stable and calm and mellow. We're both SAHP, and coparent almost equally (though I do most of the appointment setting and activity choosing). It doesn't bounce back and forth between us though. It's more of a reflection of our relationship.
 

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I voted the man, and it's certainly more dh than me who sets the mood (his bad moods are really contagious). But in all honesty, I have been known to affect the mood, too. It takes more for me to do it, usually, and it doesn't happen as often, but it can happen. I'm mostly talking about bad moods here, since, in our family anyway, the bad mood (if there is one) prevails much of the time (and like I said, more so if it's dh's bad mood than mine).

Don't know if I made much sense
but wanted to be honest and say that I do sometimes affect the mood.

Christie
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post
I totally set the tone. My dh is very easygoing and mellow, and I tend toward moodiness. So if I'm happy, we're both happy. But if I'm upset . . . it's another story. (Dh deserves a medal for putting up with me sometimes.)
My DH can usually make me laugh at myself and break my bad moods. I don't have this skill so on occasions when he is pissy, I have to wait for it to pass.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post
I totally set the tone. My dh is very easygoing and mellow, and I tend toward moodiness. So if I'm happy, we're both happy. But if I'm upset . . . it's another story. (Dh deserves a medal for putting up with me sometimes.)
ditto.

I've really, really been working on this, though, and I *think* i'm getting better.
 

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In our house, I do. I can completely ruin everyone's day, or make everyone happy, depending on how I react or respond to the others in the house, especially my husband.

Even if it's my husband who comes home in a rotten mood, it's amazing the power I have--I can contribute to the rottenness and escalate things, or I can make him get a silly grin on his face.
:
 

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i likely define 'tone' differently.
My husband and I are both pretty constant and both happy. But, we are responsible for our own happiness, our own feelings, and the feelings of the other do not 'set the tone' for our household.

Both of us practice contemplation and meditation, and i think that these practices of mindfulness set the 'tone' of our household more so than fluctuating moods. We occassionally bicker (due to our own things), but we have never had a fight. my husband tries to 'pick fights' when he's anxious about something, but i disengage that energy by asking him open-ended questions about his feelings and anxieties. he returns this favor when i am frustrated or afriad of something. thus, our household tone is one of peace, traniquility, and joy.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post
In our house, I do. I can completely ruin everyone's day, or make everyone happy, depending on how I react or respond to the others in the house, especially my husband.

Even if it's my husband who comes home in a rotten mood, it's amazing the power I have--I can contribute to the rottenness and escalate things, or I can make him get a silly grin on his face.
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I voted that we both set the tone, but in reality, we have the exact opposite of what you described in your post. I can easily be cheered up if I am in a bad mood, but Dh is not that easy at all, and his bad moods can really mess up our whole house "feeling". Luckily, neither of us is very moody, so the bad moods are rare. Most of the time, our home is a joyful one
.
 

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Definately DH.

I pride myself on being able to "control" my moods in the name of keeping "peace" in the family.

I do "have" moods, but they would not swade DH one way or another (maybe make him more irritated if he already was somewhat...). But in our house the proverb goes like this - "If Papa isn't happy ain't nobody happy"...

If he IS in the good mood, he tries to get everybody in good mood, and often it's not that hard for him because we ARE happy to get a break from his moodiness...
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post
I totally set the tone. My dh is very easygoing and mellow, and I tend toward moodiness. So if I'm happy, we're both happy. But if I'm upset . . . it's another story. (Dh deserves a medal for putting up with me sometimes.)

Unfortunatly, that is our situation, too.
:
 
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