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This keeps coming up for us. We are having a homebirth hopefully. With dd it was just dh and my mom and dh was a mess. This time with dd being 3, I will have my best friend here to take care of dd, assuming dh may be out of commission or having a breakdown or something and my mom will be here to take care of me. Dh wants his mom here to take care of him, but so far I've said no. She lives out of state so we would be paying her way here and her hotel stay and I dont feel like im that close to her. I mean i like her ok but ive spent maybe a few weeks with her tops and I dont feel comfortable with her enough i guess.<br><br>
I really just want a peaceful birth and most of all peaceful time after birth. All the people coming have strong personalities, dh, my mom, and bf, none of them really get along. But i am hoping everyone will be busy enough to be chill.<br><br>
I'm going to design a labor room abd bathroom and go in there by myself. With dd the best part of my labor was overnight, my mom and dh fell asleep and i spent the night in the tub laboring alone. i was able to relax and really be sort of spiritual. I want lots of beeswax candles and maybe oils if I can handle scent in labor, hot towel, ice to chew on, nice music and probably I'll pu tup silks all over the place anc just try to make a peaceful environment for myself. The midwives will be going in and out checking on me and the "guests" can have the run of the rest of the house, be in charge of themselves and bring me whatever i need: make sure i have water, food if i want it etc.<br><br>
I know in reality it can all go down so differently haha but i know myself enough to know i will want to be left alone most likely.<br><br><br>
Whose going to be at your birth? If you have done it before what was it like last time? What did you like? What will you do differently this time?
 

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I'm planning to have this little one at the freestanding birth center in town. As it stands right now, the plan is to have my mother and the doula at the birth, and if I'm lucky, my husband (he's scheduled to be deployed when the baby is born, but that can change.) My MIL and SIL are planning to come visit at some point around my due date, and they are welcome to come, but they aren't invited to the birth. They don't understand natural birth and it's just easier to keep them at home where they can clean, cook, and watch my older kids for me.<br><br>
My older kids were born in a hospital setting (and our stays ranged from 3-9 days - I shouldn't be in the birth center for more than 24 hours) and only dh was present. My Mom tends to have anxiety issues and though it sounds weird, she feels labor pains while I'm laboring (even if we're hours apart), so she was never invited to previous births. She's supposed to be taking a Bradley class and a hypnobirthing class in preparation for this, and hopefully that will be enough.
 

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I was thinking about this the other day.. My previous 3 births I had a lot of family there and for 2 of them a doula as well. it was great. I really hope that my sister will want to be here. she doesn't know yet about the baby though..My DP and children will be there. my son saw his sisters born, and my daughter saw her sister born. It was so amazing to see them experience the birth of their sibling <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> I cant wait till my littlest one is a sister.. she adores babies.<br><br>
Im thinking of inviting one of my closest friends to come, partly to help out with the kids but also to just be there. she is so calm and good..and my midwifes.. other than that Im not sure. I love my mom and hope she comes soon after, but I prefer her not to be right there. Sometimes our energies kind of knock together <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> The rest of my family is quite far away now. I went back home for my last birth because that is where my midwife was at the time..<br>
Lots to think about..<br><br><br>
yukookoo, your birth plan sounds beautiful!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I've birthed at home all 5 times and plan to this time, too. The "guest" list tends to get longer each time, although with this birth it may actually be shorter. This time around I already know that in addition to our mw we'll have my bff (our mw's apprentice who will catch), a birth photographer, my friend from nursing school (who starts my IV), and my MIL. I have asked a mw friend of mine I worked with to attend as well. My mom has been at my other births but there have been some issues between us recently so she won't be invited this time.
 

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Last time it was easy, just DH and my midwife. This time I have DD to consider...I'd like her to be at home with us so the only real option is to have my mom come and watch her, but my mom would prefer to just take DD to her house (which is only 5 minutes away) as she's a little iffy about being around while I birth. I don't really want anyone else around except DH as my mom is a nervous Nelly, but someone has to watch DD and I don't have anyone else here that I want to share in such an intimate time. I wish I had a sister!
 

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I'm hoping to have a homebirth. If so...<br><br>
DH<br>
The kids, who may or may not be at the birth itself.<br>
Our housemates will be home, and helping with the kids. I do not want them in the same room as me once active labor gets going, but in the house is fine.<br>
The midwife, and whatever assistant or apprentice she brings along<br>
I'd like a friend of mine to come. Don't know if that's at all likely to happen, as we'll be in a different state at that point.<br><br>
If we end up with a hospital birth, DH, maybe my friend, and maybe a doula, depending on which hospital it is.
 

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This will be my 4th birth and first homebirth. I'm very private, so the less people the better. My kids have someone 'on call' that can come get them if needed, but I won't decide that until labor. If it's the middle of the night they can sleep while it's all going on.<br><br>
So, just me, DH, midwife and assistant. I've had two hospital births where that's all that were in the room and it worked well for me. For the last one they asked if an OB resident (male, fwiw) could observe and I said no.
 

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we ended up having to scrap our homebirth plans <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> , so we'll be at the hospital again. this will be our 3rd hospital birth. with dd it was the midwife, nurse, and dh in the room. it went well but was a very long labor and looking back there is alot i would have changed. my birth last june with ds was as close to a homebirth as i could get int he hospital. it really went perfectly for us! it was dh, our doula, a nurse, and what we swear was a midwife in dr's clothing, lol. i went in armed with a birth plan and ready to fight if necessary. we had never met the dr on call before, but he ended up being awesome. he completely respected our birth wishes and basically stood by and watched while dh did the catching, per our request.<br>
this time, dd would like to be present. our thought right now is that it will be dh, dd, mil who will mainly be there as dd's support person, whatever dr is on call, and whatever nurse we get. i don't feel like i need the doula this time, though it was a true need last birth. i had gotten myself really wound up about having a dr attended birth and expected the worst. the doula was able to be pretty hands-off, just her presence in the room and knowing that i had that support if needed was all i really needed of her. i feel much more confident that dh understands what i need this time and will be supportive (ie, not start to freak knowing i'm in pain and just want to fix it).
 

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My births are really fast, so there's no time for a party. I even had a "labor playlist" on my Mac for the last birth, but the Mac never made it out of my birth bag! All three have been/will be in the hospital.<br><br>
My last birth was DH holding my hand and DD photographing it, with my friend/CNM in attendance and a couple of nurses, of course. The doula arrived after DS was born (did I say I go fast?). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
This time it will be DH and DD if she wants to. At first she said she didn't need to be there, and then a couple of weeks later she changed her mind and said she did. I told her to just think about it and wait closer to the time to let us know for sure. We told our doula that we weren't going to even bother dragging her out into the night for nothing this time around!<br><br>
I think that even if I had the option to have a slower labor or homebirth, I'd want to keep it simple. Too many people around would make me anxious.
 

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I am one of those that likes a small, focused, quiet group of supporters. With DD, we had a couple nurses (one wanted to stay even though her shift ended, one new one, and a student-- they asked first-- and it was cool b/c it was obvious they were totally into participating in a natural birth, and I figured if they saw one it would help them encourage other mamas). My OB, once he came in for pushing, was there the whole time (Dr. Wonderful, he's like a midwife almost). My DH was at my side. And my doula/CB educator, who was awesome.<br><br>
I found out later DH's family DID show up at the hospital to wait for the baby, which I had specifically said I did NOT want. People figured I wouldn't know so it couldn't affect me-- but I am STILL mad 3 years later, at my wishes being violated, and of course for the next birth my trust is destroyed that they are outside WAITING on me. Which I hate the idea of.<br><br>
Anyway, this time we're HBing but we haven't picked a midwife yet. DH will be there by my side of course (we were shocked at how well he did, since he's been known to pass out at blood before). I figure there will be a MW, probably an assistant since that seems common around here. I will have to figure out who I want to have with DD. All my friends have small kids so that's not very practical. I'm thinking about hiring my doula again for that b/c DD would love her, and she would be great about bringing her in for the birth, or taking her to play. I do NOT want MIL, although DD adores her, because I am not having that fake/anxious energy in my home during birth. If things work out and it's TG break I would LOVE if my mom would fly down and be there, but I know that's not likely. I'll just turn on google video chat for her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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At our first home birth, I had a party...two midwives, a doula, my mom, dad, and brother, along with my husband were all there for my 13 hour labor. This time, we don't want anyone there. Two midwives (because she prefers to have two there for safety reasons, even though I only see one primarily), my husband, and possibly someone to come and watch my son if need be. We loved the doula last time, but my husband and I both feel comfortable with him in that role this time, so long as someone can watch Wyatt if need be (and we have several friends that live close by that could come over on short notice).
 

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We plan on having the following people at our third homebirth...<br><br>
Me (I'm essential in the process <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">)<br>
Dh<br>
The two kiddos<br>
Midwife<br>
My mom and sister<br>
My MIL and SIL (who I get along great with, my SIL has had 6 homebirths so I feel really comfortable with her around)<br><br>
I think that's it. I have a feeling my FIL will be roaming around, but he won't be present in the room during labor and when the baby's born.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">With DD, we had a couple nurses (one wanted to stay even though her shift ended, one new one, and a student-- they asked first-- and it was cool b/c it was obvious they were totally into participating in a natural birth, and I figured if they saw one it would help them encourage other mamas). My OB, once he came in for pushing, was there the whole time (Dr. Wonderful, he's like a midwife almost). My DH was at my side. And my doula/CB educator, who was awesome.</div>
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Yeah, as much as I want things basically private, I would totally let a student be there, as long as they agreed to leave me alone if I told them to and I had someone else in the room willing and able to kick them out if it was problematic (like DH). Maybe it's just because i was a student myself up until just a bit ago, so I have sympathy for their position, but I also like the idea of potentially shaping a future care provider's (or future parent's!) attitude towards birth.
 

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This is the part I am saddest about when I contemplate possibly losing my homebirth.<br><br>
DS2's birth had my MW, her apprentice, my friend who was photographer, her DD who was 13 months at the time, and DH. That's it. (the kids were not there because it was an overnight labor, and it was actually not at MY house, I live in a state where CPM's are illegal, but I happen to live about 30 mins, from the border and a CPM who understands. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> )<br><br>
3 days later, I took DS2 for his screenings at the lab, and I had the sudden realization that "hey, this lab worker is the first 'stranger' who has handled my son!"<br>
There were no nurses giving him a bath, WE were settled in the (cleaned after the birth) tub for a bath maybe 30 mins or so after the birth.<br><br>
And there was nobody for me to even THINK I was going to have to argue about declining anything.<br><br>
There is something just so beautiful about that relaxed frame of mind versus being in the hospital and wondering what you will have to "defend" yourself against.<br><br>
And there's something beautiful about having only close friends and family around to welcome baby into the world...... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/happytears.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="happytears"> Birth, as it SHOULD be....<br><br>
(I found out today I have high BP and I'm really scared it's not going to go away, or that it might and be a problem again later...and I'll lose my HB. And while I *LOVE* my hospital-backup, and I know that she gets it, I also don't know just how much she can allow in terms of not having people around and handling the baby. I don't know where she "has to" do "hospital policy.")<br><br>
I know I can't worry about it because it'll cause the result I don't want. Yet I can't help but be sad at the prospect of losing what I LOVED with DS2....and if you knew this child, well, you can just tell he was welcomed peacefully, he's happy and loved and he's DIFFERENT than my others were. This baby literally NEVER cried with me as a baby. And I mean to the point that somebody else could be holding him, he'd start to fuss, he'd get to me, and he'd STOP...just like he KNEW he didn't have to fuss or cry any more, he was going to be taken care of. I could even do a couple things like grab a quick cup of water and pop in a movie for the kids, or help set them up wiht a quick snack or whatever and he would just hang out happy for a couple minutes.<br>
I like to think his birth had something to do with that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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At my last birth, it ended up being me, DH, and our MW. That's it. The assistant walked in 2 minutes after the birth, and my mom and big boys were out running errands (and buying flowers to encourage me through the birth) AND my mom didn't have her phone with her, so even when we tried to have them come back, we couldn't. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
At the one before that, our first home birth, it was me, DH, MW, MW2 (same MWs for both), mom, and DS1.<br><br>
This time, DS1 says he is NOT leaving. NO matter what! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> I expect my mom will hang out with them, especially since DS3 does well with someone to pay attention to him. But I want them to come in and out as they wish. I do want them to be there for the moment of birth, though. I imagine that'll be it - me, DH, MW, MW2, mom, the three boys. I am fairly self-conscious so even that many is a little much, but all pretty necessary. I might feel out my best friend, though, and see if she is wanting to be there. She probably can't be, but if it worked out, I wouldn't mind her being on the perimeter. She's starting med school and very interested in ob/gyn stuff. I doubt she's seen a real birth, though, and probably not a natural one, even though she has a preference for supporting natural birth.<br><br>
Sorry, thinking outloud here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ocelotmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15479670"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yeah, as much as I want things basically private, I would totally let a student be there, as long as they agreed to leave me alone if I told them to and I had someone else in the room willing and able to kick them out if it was problematic (like DH). Maybe it's just because i was a student myself up until just a bit ago, so I have sympathy for their position, but I also like the idea of potentially shaping a future care provider's (or future parent's!) attitude towards birth.</div>
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These ladies were all amazing. I was totally unaware of anything going on around me, they went above and beyond to support what I wanted, totally respected everything we were doing. It did not feel like that many people were in the room, and all the energy was on me when I needed it. I was in la-la-labor-land but I know their quietness and respect made that possible <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Oh yeah, in my first post I mentioned having a doula for my daughter, but of course my daughter can be at the birth, too. She's totally excited about it!
 

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This will be our first birth, and it will be at home.<br><br>
Requisite:<br>
Two midwives<br>
Husband<br>
Doula (whom we have yet to choose, but it will be someone the midwives work with regularly)<br><br>
On top of that, my mom will absolutely be there (as long as she can get on a plane in time -- she'll be in the middle of her finals when I'm due, I'm already crossing fingers I go late!). I would love for my sister to be there, but I'm slightly concerned about hurting my MIL's feelings, since I don't think I want her there. I love her dearly, but she isn't familiar with homebirth. Even though she's been supportive, I only want people there who are familiar with the process and won't be anxious about anything. I feel like if I start including people beyond my mom, she'll wonder why she isn't invited. Plus, we live in an 800sf apartment and six people will already be a tight fit <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Invited guests:<br>
ME (of course <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">)<br>
DH<br>
Midwife<br>
midwife assistant/doula (probably)<br>
Mom<br>
Cousin (she is in Maine and we are in VA so it depends if she makes it in time!)
 

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we're planning our 2nd HB 1st was a HB transfer b/c of surprise frank breech (refused c-section & she was born 10 min after we arrived w/o any problems).<br><br>
last time up until the transfer it was my midwife, a 2nd midwife, & DH<br><br>
At this birth will be our 2 midwives & an apprentice, DH, DD & a good friend (who is a doula) to be DD's buddy.
 

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DS was born in a hospital, but this will be a planned homebirth.<br><br>
We are keeping it simple -me, DH, our 2 MWs and their apprentice. DS will be there - he can watch the birth or not, whatever he is comfortable with. I am hoping the apprentice can be DS's "wrangler" if needed. Otherwise, I might call my good friend. But she doesn't drive and has two kids, so it could be tough for her to make it. We've thought about hiring a "kid doula" but haven't decided on that yet.<br><br>
So, it could be:<br>
Me<br>
DH<br>
DS (who will be 3y9m)<br>
MW1<br>
MW2<br>
MW apprentice<br>
Kid doula<br><br>
We don't live near family, and our nearby friends all have young kids. Even if MIL lived close, I would want her in the house while I'm birthing. I can only imagine how inhibiting that would be (she would probably love it, though). If we lived closer to family, I would love to have one or both of my sisters attend, but I don't see how it would work with the distance and their busy schedules.
 
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