Mothering Forum banner

1 - 2 of 2 Posts

3,697 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Mamas, I need some advice or stories about those of you who have gone to court to fight for custody, and what the outcome was...What would you have done differently? Were you satisfied in the end?<br><br>
Here's a quick run-down of my situation:
<ul><li>XH and I were married for 3 years (in a court house).</li>
<li>He has 1 son, who lives with us full-time and sees his mom during the holidays and summer.</li>
<li>We have 1 child, DD, 16 months.</li>
<li>DD is still breastfed and I plan on continuing until she self-weans. This is a MAJOR point of contention for XH.</li>
<li>I left on October 31st to go live at my parents' house, at XH's request. I was supposed to move into an apartment on January 1st, but XH started making demands that I grant him shared custody right away so I felt I needed to leave asap.</li>
<li>We are currently in mediation (1 session done).</li>
<li>I have a lawyer recommended to me by a DV shelter in town.</li>
<li>XH claims to have found a lawyer from the Father's league of justice or something like that, willing to take on his case pro-bono (since he's supposedly a single father being victimized by a horrid ex wife).</li>
</ul><ul><li>XH has drank daily since we met. Last I checked, he was consuming 2 liters of beer daily or more, between 5 and 8 p.m.</li>
<li>XH has anger management problems, and has hit walls repeatedly, broken things, yelled and cussed at me and DSS, and also self-mutilates(d).</li>
<li>XH has resumed taking OTC sedatives in the evening after drinking (he was previously addicted and took 5 pills a night)</li>
<li>XH has a criminal record in the US for embezzlement and has defaulted on his parole and restitution, though I don't know how this affects custody in anyway.</li>
<li>Since DD's birth, XH has never taken care of her, has told me he "never wanted her in the first place" and "only wants the fun stuff".</li>
Since our separation, I have arranged 4 visits with XH, so DD can see her dad. Half of those visits were weeknights and though DD was happy to see daddy and brother, her sleep was horrid for 2 days following because we got home late. The other visits were week-ends, one at XH's place and one at mine. I was present at all these visits since I'm concerned that XH will either drink or get angry and do something crazy.<br><br>
The last visit was supposed to be yesterday. XH called my parents' place, threatening to call the police, called my work, emailed, texted, etc etc, saying that I had NO RIGHT to supervise his visits with DD, and that I was going to cooperate with him whether I liked it or not. After much ignoring him, he finally called to say that he was going to do the visit in a public place, and respect DD's nap/sleep schedule. In the end, he called and said he wasn't picking her up for MY sake supposedly.<br><br>
We have no custody agreement in place at the moment. I am trying to make sure DD sees her father all the while making sure that she is safe while in his presence.<br><br>
I am wondering if I should serve him with legal proceedings now or wait until our next session. He has threatened to go for sole custody and to take DD to Ontario, away from me. I'm honestly petrified about this because I see the damage he's done to DSS and I don't want my daughter growing up in the presence of an angry (functional) alcoholic. He claims that he is being denied his rights and that I have no chance of winning because he'll reveal that I have a history of "multiple" suicide attempts, that I'm somehow into kiddy porn, etc etc.<br><br>
I'm a bit stumped. I have a lawyer but she's not being very aggressive. She just keeps asking me what *I* want to do, and frankly, having no experience with this kind of dirty play, I don't know! I'm afraid of going to court because I know it'll be messy and deep down, I want to work things out with XH, but I don't know if there's a way to do that without him stepping all over me and hurting/using DD in the process.

852 Posts
Do you have any documentation of the anger issues, and the drinking? Any other witnesses?<br><br>
I don't know anything about Canadian law, but if you have no orders filed at all that this point, I do think he's within his right to have her unsupervised, also he has the right to take her where he likes-- same as you.<br><br>
That was part of the reason I filed when I did because I had some concern that my X would take the kids and try to move out of state. My lawyer said as long as there is nothing filed both parents are within their rights to take the kids wherever they want. If you didn't like it you'd have to go to court to stop it.<br><br>
I think you and she would be better protected if you filed for separation or something and laid out what you want the visitation to be.
1 - 2 of 2 Posts